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10

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10jonpenny
10TheRealKarmaTse..
10trynfinity

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Authors Note: The words came without a title I'm afraid, so if you have any idea's then please let me know.
I'm work shopping this one so please; let me know what you think. I would welcome any comments critiques and/or criticisms. After all, is that not what we are here for? ;)


We tremble in the pre-dawn gloom
We few, we gruesome few
Savoring the shiver before the sun
--
Under a burlap sky we watch
Everything seen through hazy heat
A place still noble despite its flaws
--
Our past transgressions etched in the stone
The cradle became a waste land
We ask the gods why
--
As through ancient wonder we race
Side by side like lemmings
One by one swept out with the tide
--
We ride past relics of glories past
Crumbling now, ashes to ashes
The diamonds in the rough fair to behold
--
A fertile vale now scorched
Yet beauty is seen
Sifting through dusty gold
--
Now and again our time has come
From the sky we look at green in wonder
Left behind but not forgotten
---
Just behind our eyes it lives
A shining moon beyond site
Its battered triumphs we hold in our hearts
---
Never again will we be the same
No, not one
Its ravings will follow us - always


------
'But I don't want to go among mad people,' said Alice. 'Oh, you can't help that,' said the cat. 'We're all mad here.'
Lewis Carroll



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Comments

The following comments are for "As yet untitled"
by HeRoCoMpLeX

as yet untitled
Remembered on St. Chrispen's day. Heart felt and something of the warrior code her I think. Nice poem well written fine economy. Just plain good this one.

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: September 21, 2009 )

@jonpenny
*Laughs* I knew if anyone would catch my shakespeare reference it would be you my friend. Thank you for the kind comments. Always high praise coming from you. I was in a shakespear like mood this day. I wrote this sitting at the bus stop and watching a dust storm come over the horizon. I thought about all my travels through this once great land and this is what came to mind. Lucky I had my handy dandy legal pad!

Karma: Thank you for stopping by as well. This is the first one of my pieces to ever get a rating I think, and to get tens from not only the master wordsmith (Ken) but you as well? I'm in Heaven right now. :D

Bless you both,

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: September 21, 2009 )

@Karma
Apologies Karma, in my haste, I forgot to put your name in the subject line of the comment above, so this will do to draw your attention to my heartfelt thanks. ;)

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: September 21, 2009 )

Frozen
I read this an was frozen for a second locked in another place watching the sand rise off the hot earth and the pieces of a people crumble and rebuild in small increments.
You captured the world that you are seeing and sucked me in..And I was left for a minute unable to make my mind come back to so different a place and respond.
I knew when you asked that I would be touched and impressed...I just how no idea how much.
It has been a while since a picture was painted so vividly that I could taste the sandy wind in the back of my throat.. And almost convince myself I was there seeing it first hand..


Thank you for reminding me how gripping words could be again.
I look forward to both future writings from you and my next stop reading past ones requested...
Heather

( Posted by: trynfinity [Member] On: September 26, 2009 )

A place still noble
Beutifully drawn...!!
"we ask the Gods why"..Your poem somehow reminds me of Larkin's Church Going..

( Posted by: niel3995 [Member] On: September 30, 2009 )

@niel
Thank you for the kind words. I'm honored you stopped by and enjoyed my offering. Bless you,

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: October 1, 2009 )





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