Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(3 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote

Authors Note: The words came without a title I'm afraid, so if you have any idea's then please let me know.
I'm work shopping this one so please; let me know what you think. I would welcome any comments critiques and/or criticisms. After all, is that not what we are here for? ;)

We tremble in the pre-dawn gloom
We few, we gruesome few
Savoring the shiver before the sun
Under a burlap sky we watch
Everything seen through hazy heat
A place still noble despite its flaws
Our past transgressions etched in the stone
The cradle became a waste land
We ask the gods why
As through ancient wonder we race
Side by side like lemmings
One by one swept out with the tide
We ride past relics of glories past
Crumbling now, ashes to ashes
The diamonds in the rough fair to behold
A fertile vale now scorched
Yet beauty is seen
Sifting through dusty gold
Now and again our time has come
From the sky we look at green in wonder
Left behind but not forgotten
Just behind our eyes it lives
A shining moon beyond site
Its battered triumphs we hold in our hearts
Never again will we be the same
No, not one
Its ravings will follow us - always

'But I don't want to go among mad people,' said Alice. 'Oh, you can't help that,' said the cat. 'We're all mad here.'
Lewis Carroll

Related Items


The following comments are for "As yet untitled"
by HeRoCoMpLeX

as yet untitled
Remembered on St. Chrispen's day. Heart felt and something of the warrior code her I think. Nice poem well written fine economy. Just plain good this one.

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: September 21, 2009 )

*Laughs* I knew if anyone would catch my shakespeare reference it would be you my friend. Thank you for the kind comments. Always high praise coming from you. I was in a shakespear like mood this day. I wrote this sitting at the bus stop and watching a dust storm come over the horizon. I thought about all my travels through this once great land and this is what came to mind. Lucky I had my handy dandy legal pad!

Karma: Thank you for stopping by as well. This is the first one of my pieces to ever get a rating I think, and to get tens from not only the master wordsmith (Ken) but you as well? I'm in Heaven right now. :D

Bless you both,


( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: September 21, 2009 )

Apologies Karma, in my haste, I forgot to put your name in the subject line of the comment above, so this will do to draw your attention to my heartfelt thanks. ;)


( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: September 21, 2009 )

I read this an was frozen for a second locked in another place watching the sand rise off the hot earth and the pieces of a people crumble and rebuild in small increments.
You captured the world that you are seeing and sucked me in..And I was left for a minute unable to make my mind come back to so different a place and respond.
I knew when you asked that I would be touched and impressed...I just how no idea how much.
It has been a while since a picture was painted so vividly that I could taste the sandy wind in the back of my throat.. And almost convince myself I was there seeing it first hand..

Thank you for reminding me how gripping words could be again.
I look forward to both future writings from you and my next stop reading past ones requested...

( Posted by: trynfinity [Member] On: September 26, 2009 )

A place still noble
Beutifully drawn...!!
"we ask the Gods why"..Your poem somehow reminds me of Larkin's Church Going..

( Posted by: niel3995 [Member] On: September 30, 2009 )

Thank you for the kind words. I'm honored you stopped by and enjoyed my offering. Bless you,


( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: October 1, 2009 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.