The following comments are for "Clock" by niel3995
undoing the past....
I like the form of this, I just can't seem to figure out if you direct these words, as it were, to a lover, or perhaps someone you have wronged? I can be as thick as a rock sometimes- without meaning or grasp. I like this one though.
Nice work in form and word choose but my feeling is the last line was meant to be enlightening or twist of thought. It didn't work. for me. because I can't find the thread that would relate it to the rest of the poem. Instead of an 'oh wow' moment it was a 'uh?' moment. The last line is the seed of another poem. Thanks for letting us read your work.
Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: September 14, 2009
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