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Ambulance Chaser~~~~~~~ Miss Jones ... take a letter. Begin ... Dear Aunt Phoebe: Whereas you have always considered me the black sheep in the family, and whereas in your latest will you have decided to cut me out entirely ...
Personal Assistant~~~~~~~ Uh-h, excuse me, Mr. Smudley
Ambulance Chaser~~~~~~~ Please allow me to continue, Miss Jones ... now where did I leave off?
Personal Assistant~~~~~~~ Cut me out entirely..
Ambulance Chaser~~~~~~~ Yes ... 'cut me out entirely,' comma, you can just take your money and go to hell, as far as I'm concerned. Furthermore ...
Personal Assistant~~~~~~~ I hate to keep breaking in like this, Mr. Smudley, but there's ...
Ambulance Chaser~~~~~~~ Then please don't, Miss Jones. Let's see ... Furthermore, comma, to tell you outright that you are a stingy, money grubbing old biddy is something I've ...
Personal Assistant~~~~~~~ Mr. Smudley, If you would just give me the chance ...
Ambulance Chaser~~~~~~~ Yes ... Miss Jones. Good heavens, go ahead and get it off your chest!
Personal Assistant~~~~~~~ Well, Mr Smudley, you probably haven't read your morning mail. I put your Aunt Phoebe's amended will right on top ... delivered personally by her attorney. She's leaving you fifty million dollars.

"Who is that Masked Man?"

Savings Bank Depositor~~~~ I was called in by the bank CEO. Where is he? ... and what are you doing in his office?

Corner Office Honcho~~~~~~ I've taken over as the bank's new Loan Arranger. Y'see, you're now under the protection of one of the world's largest too big to fail organizations an' we've made a few adjustments in the way we do business, that's all. I'm sure you'll get used to it. Have a seat.

Savings Bank Depositor~~~~ This seems highly irregular, I must say. And if you don't mind, I'm allergic to cigar smoke.

Corner Office Honcho~~~~~~ How interestin'. Y'know, it don't bother me a bit. Could be the brand. Now it so happens that I have your loan papers right here in front of me, Mr. Johnson. I see you want a second credit card for your daughter in college ... meanin' we're gonna hafta call yer mortgage loan along with a 99% processing fee.

Savings Bank Depositor~~~~ Oh, my god! Please, Mr. Arranger, don't do this! I'll be ruined! You did the same thing to my neighbor, and now he's ruined!

Corner Office Honcho~~~~~~ So I've heard. Public office is overrated anyway, don't you think? Well, I'm prepared t'make you the same deal I offered him ... too bad he didn't take it. You come to work for me ... uh-h, I meant ... the bank, and you can just sort of "work it off," y'know what I'm sayin'?

Savings Bank Depositor~~~~ Not really. I mean, work it off ... how?

Corner Office Honcho~~~~~~ Odd jobs. I'll be startin' y'off slow.

Savings Bank Depositor~~~~ Oh, I don't know, Mr Arranger. I couldn't possibly accept a new position without the absolute best health care plan available.

Corner Office Honcho~~~~~~ Aw, Mr. Johnson, wha'd'ya take me for? We got health coverage like most big outfits ain't never even thought of b'fore. I understand y'gotta protect yourself, an' a good hospitalization plan can make all the difference ... includin' one that'll cover knee replacements, jus' in case somethin' was t'happen to both o'yours, y'know what I'm sayin'? ... get yer allergy fixed at the same time. Relax! Here, have a cigar.


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The following comments are for "Things that Make a Difference II"
by fritzwilliam

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