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I see you, 
but you don't see me. 
I stare at you,  
If only you would stare at me: 
Instead of her! 
When I talk to you 
I get so nervous, I freeze. 
My heart takes a jump, 
when you talk to me. 
If only you knew, 
what I felt for you, 
and how much it hurts: 
not to have your feelings  
you think of me as a friend, 
but that just depresses me, 
and tears my heart apart. 
I cry myself to sleep, 
thinking about you. 
I've started watching new shows, 
and listening to new bands; 
dressing and acting differently. 
Maybe if I was like her 
you would talk, and see me 
the same as you see her. 

*for ever there*

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The following comments are for "I see you"
by for ever there

... is even too kind. Surely the author has had a main line of an idea on his/her mind at the beginning, but after the first 4 lines it loses its point and becomes just a bunch of short and sliced lines what used to be sentences. The main point is too obviously shown, and reading it takes no effort. Its plain and simple.

( Posted by: Adrian Shepard [Member] On: May 5, 2003 )

tact is good
Adrian, while making a valid point, is a little too blunt. It has a heart, which is the essence of the poetic muse. While you may have not been particularly blessed with the gift of flowery language (half-sarcastic), your work shows heart. If you home in on it, look through yourself, not only, but also through the world around you. You'll find whatever you need to release any pain or, even, joy. However, this is the important thing--release of your senses. Letting the feelings you experience out, however it happens to come out. This is why we have free verse poetry. It's all about the personal meaning for you. I hope that writing this piece helped you, for that is the most important thing about poetry. Releasing one's self is first and foremost, only then followed by the question of touching others, if desired, or if, sometimes, it just happens.

( Posted by: the Co.konspirator [Member] On: May 6, 2003 )

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