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Again and again, I was betrayed
By foes under the mask of friend.
My heart in an iron chest, secured.
I built up a castle, one stronghold.
A terrain of test, harsh,
deeps and curves.
A kingdom of individuality, honor.
Never be under siege, The castle of power!
An army of confidence and pride,
Swordsmen, calculated theories tried.
Marksmen, logic and wisdom, tangible,
Pikemen, many experiences, valuable.
Cavalries, definite fact.
Generals, strategies, tact.
Palace of knowledge,
Stairs of achievement, goal,
throne full of reason in soul.
Friends and foes with plans arrived,
They attacked, yet the castle survived.
Perilous battles were fought,
Defeat was not even a thought.
Sad or not, every kingdom has to fall.
By your simple smile,
the end began,
the army was slaughtered
turned into bone and sand.
Walls were breached
by a hit of your teasing hand.
Towers were fallen, invaded
by your shiny face.
Doors and gates were opened
by your tiny gaze.
The iron chest was broken,
my only crown was stolen,
finally the throne was fallen.
In the wasteland of loneliness,
covered by insanity merciless,
Lost, surprised and scared,
now I will never rest in peace or be freed.
Ransom me by your heart, let pain be eased!
Again I am standing in this wasteland alone,
This time with no crown kingdom or throne.

Note: Would you please read this poem and tell me your opinions and feelings!
Thanks to you all


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The following comments are for "Kingdom of Heart"
by ilgaar

I was nodding my head with a huge smile on my face for the entire read. This one has shaped up beautifully. I don't care what anyone else says, this is a vast improvement.

Past hurts have caused you to build this stronghold around your heart. The details you give are delicious. The stronghold has stood the test of time in battles uncounted....and then she/he came along and with one little glance knocked them down. Alas, such is life.

You took what we couldnt understand, stayed true to what you were trying to say, and made into a piece that speaks to us all without losing what you orginally wanted to put into it. Well done my friend, very well done. I don't know if anything I said made sense, but it did to me. ;)

You have made a fan out of me, and you should be commended for your work. I'm very thankfull that you shared the revision of this piece with us. Like jonpenny said, there was a poet in there, and you have let him/her out.

Kudos! Keep scribbling,


( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: September 8, 2009 )

Very nice!!! Done with a clear poetic voice , free form with verse lines that carry us one to the next. Nice subject metaphor - well written. Cool language. My friend this is terrific! Great work that shows. Bravo! Now keep working and dazzle us!!!

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: September 8, 2009 )

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