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4pablowilliams

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How special
How one of a kind
Super crazy
In love suprise
How wonderful
How upside down
Mud pie
Insane fun
Lovers suprise
how sweet
How out of control
Once in a lifetime
Beautiful suprise
How special

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Does the wadded up paper ball or the bowling ball fall faster?


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The following comments are for "How Special"
by thesadpoet

Special
I have read all of your poems and I like them well enough. The problem for me is that you have snippets of brilliance then you seem to give up on yourself. This poem has moments, as do all of your poems, I'm just waiting for some 'beef', some effort, that shows me you are a poet. You seem timid - don't be.

'Mud pie
Insane fun
Lovers suprise
how sweet
How out of control'

There - is the kernel of something wonderful- the beginning and end of the poem are conversational and flat. Poetry should dazzle us - and you have the chops to do that. Part of finding your voice as a poet is taking these little bits of brilliance that pass through, capture them, and twist and choose words and phrases that best portray that idea. Take this little snippet and expand and play with the theme in each line - throw sh*t out and keep what works for you. You are the poet and the creator of your world - give it voice. Take some risks, stay clear of the mundane, unless you can give it feathers ad diamonds.

I toss out an easy half of what I write as rubbish. What I keep I only mildly like - I am constantly trying to break the veil to a pure communication. Is that ideal possible? Probably not - but worth the effort.
Thanks

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: September 3, 2009 )

I must agree
Often times brilliance is a word that is loosely used, but I agree with Jonpenny. There are tremendous moments of brilliance, but you make us into gold seekers, hopeful addicts, waiting for the continuation; it never arrives. I struggle with this as well. But a bit more effort is needed, as well as proofing. Have a close friend review you once in a while, read it out loud, what ever it takes to connect with the feelings that you have already allocated, but have yet to realize.

( Posted by: pablowilliams [Member] On: September 4, 2009 )





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