Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

"Ardour"

Boyfriend ~~ What a great evening. Thanks sweetie. And now ... are you protected?
Girlfriend ~~ I ran out of protection.
Boyfriend ~~ Well ... okay then. I've got this. It's kind of old. I've had it a long time, but ...
Girlfriend ~~ Then why bother? You might as well skip it.
Boyfriend ~~ Skip it? Are you crazy? You're the one that always ...
Girlfriend ~~ I know. But what difference would it make? Didn't I tell you? I'm already pregnant.

"That Ain't no Bull"

Farmer #1 ~ Howdy, Jake. What brings y'out this way?
Farmer #2 ~ Jus' payin' a visit to that bull I sold ya. Brought some turnips--his favorite snack.
Farmer #1 ~ Well, y'might wanna think better of it. That bull's got one hell of a mean streak in 'im.
Farmer #2 ~ Now that jus' don't sound right, Tom. The kids helped raise 'im. He's gentle as a lamb.
Farmer #1 ~ Well, see fer yesself.. Won't make a big difference, tho. We castrated that bull yestiddy.

"Sailing the friendly skies"

Captain ~ Mayday! Mayday!
Co-pilot ~ Pressure's dropping. All gauges in the red, sir.
Captain ~ This is Romeo-Alpha-six! We are losing speed and altitude!
Co-pilot ~ Flameout on second engine, Captain.
Captain ~ Switch to the other tank!
Co-pilot ~ I doubt it will make much difference, sir. We are on the other tank.

"Mamma Mia!"

Wifey ~ I'm so excited! Sis wants us to vacation with them in their fabulous new beach house!
Hubby ~ How nice. Too bad we can't return the favor.
Wifey ~ Oh, honey, relax. We'll get back on our feet. Jean and Ty are so fond of you.
Hubby ~ What about a gift? They're always bringing gifts.
Wifey ~ Forget that. I'm telling you it won't make a bit of difference. It's you they want to see.
Hubby ~ Well I sure could use a lift about now.
Wifey ~ Great! And you know what else? Mother is moving in with them ... tomorrow!

"Summertime Blues"

Bartender~~~~~~~ We're arranging a trip to Nudie Island. Wanna join us?
Bored Undergrad~~ Is it safe? I heard they sabotage the boats of strangers.
Bartender~~~~~~~ Nah ... just a rumor. The most they'll do is steal your clothes.
Bored Undergrad~~ Well ... what if it isn't a rumor?
Bartender~~~~~~~ We'll swim back.
Bored Undergrad~~ Isn't that, like, almost four miles? Besides, my wife can't swim.
Bartender~~~~~~~ Well that don't make no difference. The place is all male now, anyways.

"What's Today's Date?"

Steward~~~~ Aha! Caught'cha there, stowaway! And with half the trip left t'go, the chains is gonna cut deep in-ta ya!
Stowaway ~~ No, no. Look, you don't understand. I'm from the future. My system went ka-put and dropped me here.
Steward~~~~ Dropped ya here ... on this ship ... in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Is that yer story?
Stowaway ~~ Yes, exactly.
Steward~~~~ Well then, would ya mind tellin' me where yer "time machine" is? Bet'cha feel naked without it.
Stowaway ~~ Oh, no, ha-ha-ha. We don't use machines anymore. No, no. We have matter scramblers now. You know, "Beam me up Scotty."
Steward~~~~ Ah-h, do ya now? Well, that makes a big difference. Y'see, I'm a great science fiction fan, so y'know what? I believe ya! What's more, I'm gonna get ya settled in. Congratulations sir! Yer now safely aboard the Titanic!

"XXOOO"

Ambulance Chaser~~~~~~~ Miss Jones ... take a letter. Begin ... Dear Aunt Phoebe: Whereas you have always considered me the black sheep in the family, and whereas in your latest will you have decided to cut me out entirely ...
Personal Assistant~~~~~~~ Uh-h, excuse me, Mr. Smudley
Ambulance Chaser~~~~~~~ Please allow me to continue, Miss Jones ... now where did I leave off?
Personal Assistant~~~~~~~ Cut me out entirely..
Ambulance Chaser~~~~~~~ Yes ... 'cut me out entirely,' comma, you can just take your money and go to hell, as far as I'm concerned. Furthermore ...
Personal Assistant~~~~~~~ I hate to keep breaking in like this, Mr. Smudley, but there's ...
Ambulance Chaser~~~~~~~ Then please don't, Miss Jones. Let's see ... Furthermore, comma, to tell you outright that you are a stingy, money grubbing old biddy is something I've ...
Personal Assistant~~~~~~~ Mr. Smudley, If you would just give me the chance ...
Ambulance Chaser~~~~~~~ Yes ... Miss Jones. Good heavens, go ahead and get it off your chest!
Personal Assistant~~~~~~~ Well, Mr Smudley, you probably haven't read your morning mail. I put your Aunt Phoebe's amended will right on top ... delivered personally by her attorney. She's decided to leave you fifty million dollars.

------
Fritzwilliam


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Things that Make a Difference"
by fritzwilliam





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: