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Look at the beautiful bird
Up high in the clouds
How cheerful she is
Feeling the warmth of the sun
Something changed
Why is it getting so cold?
The light begins to dim
The darkness creeps in
It's sooo cold
She can no longer feel
She is completely numbed!

sunshineangel


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The following comments are for "Numbed"
by sunshineangel

Assume question
I liked both the first half and the second half, but was unsure how they went toegether? It looks like there are two (2) partial poems here waiting to be finished? The transition is at line six (6). It belongs in both pieces and I would like to see the two (2) poems that the writer finds when they rewrite this.

( Posted by: bhagwandave [Member] On: June 2, 2009 )

Numb
I think this has the beginings of one of my favorite poems of yours. Yeah, it's all good for what's here. You should look at this again and work it some more. Good theme, nice imagery - expand it a bit. I know you got the chops. 7th line -'deem'- should be - 'dim'?
Thanks

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: June 2, 2009 )





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