Countless times throughout my life, I have experienced that it is on sleep-deprived nights that I discover a piece in the jigsaw puzzle of my life. Last night I stayed up all night on purpose watching movies until 4:30 in the morning. By that time sleep didnít make much sense.
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When the maroon haze that the city lights paint on the sky in the ebony of night disappeared with the first ray of morning light, I suddenly realized that this would be the very first sunrise to unfold before my open eyes, which are usually somnolent at that time. Between that view through the missing panels in the mini blinds and the already illuminated living reality sprawled out on the floor reading random humorous articles on the laptop screen in front of him, I was surrounded by light. It reminded me of myself when I am an insomniac.
Last night he was an insomniac. Every so often he would laugh at something on the screen. I would look and laugh too. We laugh at a lot of the same things. This is part of how the north met the south in the magnetic field between us. I donít know who made the connection first. It happened when we were playing a question-and-answer game with several other friends. I had just moved to town less than a month before, and this was the first time I was hanging out as one of this group. I decided to be very open not only because the game we were playing warranted it, but also because I wanted to be my true brash, daring self. I noticed that he was very entertained with my answers to the open-ended questions. A few months later one of my best friends who was with us that night told me that freeing myself that night changed his original impression of me-all for the better.
Last night, nearly four months after that crazy, fun, wonderful night, I lay on his couch as I watched him wander the World Wide Web while sitting on the floor in front of me. Sleep was a lost cause not worth fighting for. After taking another gaze at the dawning morning, I shifted my eyes back to him for the umpteenth time. Except that this time was the first time I looked at him and truly knew. It was the aha moment that was sure to come at some point in my life, and it came on the morning of May 31, 2009, as the sun was rising and our minds would not rest.
I looked again at the subtly glowing sky and said a prayer, then I slid off the couch and inched toward him until I surprise-kissed him on the cheek. Then I lay down next to him and watched the celestial sphere gradually lift the sun over the horizon. Then I closed my eyes and finally fell asleep once the sun was glittering yellow and bright, a giant and majestic candle in the sky.
"Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not."-Jeremiah 33:3, King James Version
"Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path."-Psalm 119:105, New Living Translation
The present and future are not about who you were in the past-rather, they are about who you are and who you will become.
"Writing is truly glorious in that an author can put on paper the words that fear denies the voice to speak."-from my short story, "Set Free"
"...What you feel is what you are;
What you are is beautiful..."
-from "Slide" by the Goo Goo Dolls
Life surprises you! And I'm talking about the good stuff, because a bad surprise is not a surprise at all, it is just shock and horror. All of these good surprises, they are rewards, and the things that happen to remind you that you matter and that you should make yourself faithful so that you can be deserving of all of life's good surprises. Every wonderful surprise in life is a chance to flourish, so grab life by the horns-but don't ride, steer instead: life's horns are life's joystick. You can handle it, because your life's horns are made especially for you. If you don't give up, all of this will hold true and life will continue to surprise you.
Aubri, a. k. a. "Leopard Lady"