Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

DERELICT

Half blind bloodshot eyes
secluded in deep etched lines




slowly recognized their surroundings.




With stubble laying thick upon his chin,
the man shook and shivered.
Looked close to death I thought,
but written in the meaningless face
was the texture of survival.
The loose careless mouth
would again caress and suckle
cheap nectar from nameless bottles,
in the depths of lanes and doorways.
Then off hed be for another week
of dark corners, nestling himself
between garbage cans, where only
a stray cat would befriend him.
On a Thursday, or maybe a Monday,
blurry eyed and half starved,
hed emerge again, silently, out of the shadows.
By Gale


------
Jayne Gale


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "DERELICT"
by Gale

Gale
Some great lines in this poem like 'texture of survival' and 'loose careless mouth'. I wonder how it would work in present tense unless you made a conscious decision to base this in the past.

I felt empathy for this person. I wondered whom he was as a child, as a person. Sometimes we don't want to look too closely at beggars or derelicts, because we don't want to see the pain they carry with them. Shunned by society, the homeless don't get the help they need, that's for sure.

( Posted by: sandra [Member] On: May 11, 2009 )

@Sandra
Thank you for your comments Sandra. It is a great compliment the poem made you feel and think so much about the character. I wasn't consciously thinking in tenses present or past but more conscious of observations. Although the character may be empathic the viewer seems disconnected as so many people are, judging and deciding who a person is in what they observe, a common practice I believe. Gale.

( Posted by: Gale [Member] On: May 12, 2009 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: