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This is a letter to my son
you are the best thing i have done
This is a letter to my dad
The one my son deserves to have
and if you read this mother dear
im sorry for all of your tears
why do i hurt the ones i love
this is a letter to my son


------
Heart break and no fear


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The following comments are for "letter"
by SeanMicheals

@ SeanMichaels
Wow -- it looks like it's been awhile since you visited litdotorg and contributed. Welcome back!

I like this piece; it is a good start. I don't pretend to be an expert on poetry, but I think this poem WANTS to be a much longer piece.

"This is a letter to my son
you are the best thing i have done"

I reasd that, and its crying out to be a stanza of its own. The following two lines:

"This is a letter to my dad
The one my son deserves to have"

. . . well, those are begging to be the beginning of a stanza all to themselves.

If you feel it is finished, then it's fine the way it stands. But, truly, I feel this wants to be something bigger, and I would love for you to try to work with it some more and allow it to grow.

Ochani

( Posted by: OchaniLele [Member] On: April 17, 2009 )





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