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Falling embers…
Eroding consciousness…
Playing by the sea…

All of this was meant for me

Love, my prize
Jeopardized
By what I can’t believe…


Angels on horseback,
Destroying.
Ships in their graveyards,
Once exploring…

I’ve beheld a pale horse;

She called herself
“The Erosion of Time” and
“The Erosion of Memory”

Mad men in their rusted chains
Know her all to well…

She is a Lunar bitch,
Touched by the sun but only faintly
And what she reflects is second-hand and
Geometrically perverse…

(…so they say, anyway…)


But I loved her

I loved her
Because she existed…

And existence is something
Not to make light of…

________________________________________________

I reach my hand out o’er the rocks
To collect myself
But instead I just watched
As I was swept away…
Claimed by the fogs of
An ancient, darkening bay…



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Comments

The following comments are for ""Dawn to blind eyes""
by ghostpoisonsturgeon

Dawn
Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I have read this several times and I like it. What bothered me wasn't the quality of the piece - that is in the reading - but the brevity. I want more of this.
Up until:

'Mad men in their rusted chains
Know her all to well…'

then you lost me or didn't carry me into the next thought. You started out with a brilliant look at 'time' and then jumped to the 'moon'. I'm probably just dense and I hope I read it as you intended. For me - nothing needs to change - just expand more on the lunar reference and tie the two images - time and the moon - together.
thanks for a good read.
Ken

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: April 1, 2009 )

ken
hmmm, meaning... i guess if this could be considered art, albeit poor at best, then i being the 'artist' would be inclined to take the lazy way out and just say these words are merely what the reader may interpret them as being (which i suppose would really be the most precise and ubiquitous response to any set of words)

but i'll give my interpretation anyway, not that i can say any others would be wrong...

i wrote this right after i woke up from a long night of heavy drinking and was still kind of half-asleep and out-of-it, thats usually my favorite time to write.

the first part seems to be just a base of random personal memory abstracted by time and thoughts of possibilities which never played out. Then apparently in the main part of the poem i embrace these abstractions more fully and try to define them in some metaphoric way; realising the dissolution that time has had on my own memory, these metaphoric manifestations take the form of destroyers and the destroyed- sunken ships, the horseman... eventually the mind is dissolved into a state of madness, hence the lunar reference because of the classical relationship between the moon and madness... also something about the distorted perception of the madman because he doesnt see things 'clearly' as one might through 'direct sunlight' but rather everything is skewed as if a poor reflection of reality. Finally even the sense of love is distorted irreparably, and the madman finds solace only in his own madness.

yeah, you're right, it does jump around alot, and its far from my favorite thing ever written. maybe i'll re-do it sometime... i kind of just slapped it up here because i was bored, havent been writing much, lately anyway, and that is apparent in this.

anyway, thanks for reading and commenting, maybe i'll try to get back into writing and see you around this site more often...
-cam

( Posted by: ghostpoisonsturgeon [Member] On: April 7, 2009 )

time and moon
See, I told you I was dense. In fairness any artist hates the idea of being pinned down, to be mundane, or irrelevant. I'm often surprised by what readers 'get' from my work and in truth it's none of my business. The poet certainly succeeds even if every reader gets something different - as long as they are touched in some way. I was touched by your piece and was wonderfully affected. How those word choices came about is between you and the muse. I wrongly picked "Time' And 'Moon' because your words connecting to those words flushed my poor addled brain with thoughts, feelings, and images just as any true artist would evoke. Sorry I was so clumsy in my comment to your fine work. Though I still hold to my comment - I would love more from you - if this is what you can do with a hangover then I am certainly a fan. ;)
Thanks for being so gracious.
Ken

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: April 7, 2009 )





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