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_Can you see it?_ 
 
Staring into the distance; 
Uncertain. 
Beautiful heat-haze rising, 
Like looking through jelly. 
I can't tell where the horizon ends... 
Movement? It might be. 
It might be a man on a camel? 
No. It's gone. 
A desperate hope fades 
Like the shapes in the rising haze. 
 


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Spudley Strikes Again
www.BadPuns.com
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Comments

The following comments are for "Can you see it?"
by Spudley

re:
I quite like this. It's oddly surreal and makes me think of a desert setting (the fata morgana, to be precise). Beautiful words, really placing the reader where you want him, and some nice technical points too. Good poem, Spudley :)

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: April 19, 2003 )

Glad you liked it, but...
Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad you liked it. I was quite pleased with some parts of it myself.

But I'm guessing you didn't spot the hidden extra I put in there? ;-)

I deliberately wrote it with an acrostic, but also deliberately a subtle one. Just trying to see who would spot it. It's been a few days now and no-one has mentioned it, so it looks like I was too subtle this time. :-)

The title was an extra clue; it was supposed to reflect both the poem itself and the hidden message.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: April 20, 2003 )

re:
lol, sorry. I'm blind :) Can't say that acrostic is something i look for in poems, as it isn't a technique used too often.

I'm not sure how the word subliminal links to the poem's content either, but maybe thats just me being dumb

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: April 20, 2003 )

first time.
It's the first time I've ever tried an acrostic (I don't normally like them, but I thought I should give it a try), and I was deliberately trying to be as subtle as possible. The link between the word 'subliminal' and the story of the poem is pretty tenuous; it was really only the title that made the link work at all.

But all the same, I'm fairly pleased with it for a first attempt. :-)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: April 21, 2003 )

lol
a camel on a camel lol

( Posted by: lovesessence [Member] On: August 10, 2003 )

No Hearts of Jello
when desperate hopes fade...
move away from the jelly

( Posted by: awhippingflame [Member] On: August 6, 2016 )





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