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The day Jess was raped was the same day Joshua killed himself. Blew his brains out in his parent's backyard while they were away on vacation. They found him when they returned three days later.

I met Joshua a few times from back in the Noho days. He was cute, smart, and a hell of a lot older. He used to tell me I looked like his ex wife. He wasn’t being weird, just stating fact. I liked Joshua; I knew he was a junky but I liked him. The fact of the matter was, I liked junkies in general. I used to hang out at the old Victorian house admiring the trinkets and snuggling up to Jess as we recounted stories of our childhoods as faerie children. We were young, goth, and fearless.

One snowy evening Josh was walking me to the car. I slipped a little and grabbed onto him. He pulled me up and held me close to him. Our bodies pressed against the icy windows of the Ford.
“I don’t mean to scare you when I tell you, you look like my ex wife.”
“It doesn’t scare me.” My hand gripped around his waist.
“You’re really beautiful.”
I blushed. He kissed me. I got into the car.

The next time I saw him he was smoking weed on Jess’s couch. I was flipping through a T.S. Elliot book. He put his hand on the pages and I looked up. I have no idea how the conversation started but he told me the story of his daughter. He whispered to me, it wasn’t his fault. It was crib death. He cried on my lap.

Every once in a while on an icy cold winter day I’ll remember him. I told this to Jess.
“There’s always someone who holds your heart more than anyone else can. Sometimes they’re in your life for years and sometimes it’s just a moment. Mine was Joshua.” She told me sitting in my garden smoking cigarettes. Her boyfriend softly strummed his guitar in the distance.

If I didn’t say it then, I can at least say it now. I loved you too Joshua. I should have told you when you were waiting for the reply. I didn’t have the heart. You should have loved Jess.

"In my writing I am acting as a map maker, an explorer of psychic areas, a cosmonaut of inner space, and I see no point in exploring areas that have already been thoroughly surveyed."
William S. Burroughs


The following comments are for "Joshua"
by KatHarlander

I liked this, I have a hard time giving comment on good writing because it shows up as critique of the story content and not the quality of the work. You write well so I won't offer anything you should do but maybe some ideas on things you might do, It seems to me the piece wants to have a darker feel. The rape, suicide, junkie and goth referance points to it. Here is a world most don't know- not that there should be meaning but give a little more expostion on the world this all happnes in. Paint it with a broader and more poetic brush. You can transform the grimey and gritty into womderland or a mansion in hell. The man seems more a tragic Job than a warlike Joshua and the 'first person' is a bit passive. To me it's more of you finding a style or voice to give the reader an unforgetable journey to a place that they wouldn't walk themselves. Having written this to you - it's just my thoughts on some good writing - if any of it makes some sense to you that's good if not - your a good writer, ignore me and just carry on.
Thanks for the read.

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: January 18, 2009 )

@ jonpenny
Hi Jon,
Thanks for commenting. I agree with your comment. I do tend to stay clear of detail and that's always been something in the back of my mind. I realized after posting this that maybe it should have been a blog entry. It was a moment I remembered something from my life that I hadn't remembered in a really long time. And I thought, if I didn't write it at that moment then the memory would be lost again. Funny how that memory works. Thanks again.


( Posted by: KatHarlander [Member] On: January 19, 2009 )

I too have a sweep from little detail/dialogue heavy dramaturgical prose (Ezine-editors fancy) to a prose full of endless discriptions of house furnishings/style or boring ramblings on floral arrangements :) I fear the world would make us all playwrights - but its what the muse demands at the time and what interests us as the writer - the rest is just a disamenity that only those lonely souls who write can understand. If this piece was written, so deftly, from a passing memory then I salute you and your talent.

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: January 20, 2009 )

Story of Joshua is good but needs more story
It started out very good. I am just wish there is more of this reading. Joshua got me alittle bit intrigue. The writing is done well and wish there is more of the story because it is good

( Posted by: louiemary [Member] On: January 25, 2009 )

@ louiemary
Thank you. I actually should have posted this as a blog. Maybe I will go back into it one of these days and flesh it out a bit.

This was one of those instances where a memory flashes and at that moment you need to write it down. The memory right then needs to become physical.

But I thank you very much for the advice and I will take it to heart when writing.

( Posted by: KatHarlander [Member] On: January 28, 2009 )

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