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This is a very curious entry into my Bloq as it is a Science Fiction Story and the first one that I have written since the death of a very dear friend many years ago. The idea came to me when I had my Lasik surgery two years ago. I remember being connected to the machinery and I felt for a moment like a Cyborg and like a construct more machine then man for a short time. In my normal job I deal with a lot of equipment and I sometimes collate with the computers to the point that I can actually read the code as it passes in front of my eyes. In a way it is a kind of warning about depending too much on machines. We may someday actually become like synthetic humans. Hopefully not any time soon. But eventually in the story KID10TT recieves redemption and ultimately freedom from his loneliness and his sorrow in a strange sort of way, because he chooses to show mercy and compassion for the first time in many years. It's a little disconcerting and a jarring story on many levels!

Night Must Fall Enshrouded By The Rain!
By
K

KID10TT walked alone within the rain-filled night.

The rain fell softly upon his face and all about him for his hair was soaked and he was wet, but he felt nothing.

He barely felt human anymore, as his emotions and all that once that was within his mind and heart had been surgically removed.

Now he was nothing more then Bio-Synthazoid construct. He could interface with the computers on the on-board star-ships which he piloted and navigated across the ether of space!

He neither knew hope, emotion, creativity nor love; he had been altered to be the best of both worlds

Part man and part machine, and he had been designed and altered for war!

After all he was a combat unit and designed to feel nothing except to overcome and destroy the enemy!

He could travel to those far reaches of the ether of space and since he wasn't of human sensibilities he couldn't go insane from the cold darkness and emptiness that most humans felt.

But he also was totally alone, he was trapped inside of his mind, and for some unknown reason a small part of his original memories remained behind in a greatly altered fashion.

He knew all of this and yet he was alone, for no God of Bio-mechanical heaven would ever let him into the gates of heaven!

He thought back years before and he remembered another time another place when he might have had a family and maybe children as well.

But he had images of being dead and then nothingness one cold rainy night almost like this night.

He remembered the pain, the coldness and a letting go of life--almost.

When he awakened he had been altered into what he was now a mechanical construct.

Although he had human form he was altered to resemble a man and he had internally nano-bots and machinery and what was left of his flesh and blood and brain!

He walked swiftly in the rain for soon the "Trackers" would be coming for him, after all he represented a substantial investment of capital and he had been in service for thirty years now.

He had experienced an accident while disembarking the star-ship several weeks ago. A fluke accident which had sent an electrical charge into his brain. After that he began to have strange thoughts and the memories and suddenly they began to surface within the confines of his mind.

He stopped for a moment and looked at his reflection in the mirrored glass of the storefront shop.

He looked sad and lost and alone his trench coat blew somewhat in the wind. His eyes glowed with an unearthly black and red color. He knew he was more machine then man—after he was an attack model designed for extreme combat!

He looked at his heavily scarred face and he pondered….what did he look like all those many years ago.

He thought to the images of many space battles which he had led and fought in and won, he had slaughtered many thousands of enemies of the Imperil Republic.

Yet never was there a sense of satisfaction nor accomplishment. It was just another day of death and destruction unto him….until now!

Since the accident he had been regaining his memories of old and his thinking was becoming strangely human.

He couldn't kill without feeling and emotion now! He couldn't hurt anyone out of impunity, because his thoughts drifted back to another time when he thought he had a...family!

Images of the faces of babies welled up within his mind and he could see a smiling faced woman holding his-No-their children-babies as each one had been born!

He remembered soft kisses from another half-forgotten time, and he remembered tiny baby hands and pouty little red-faced babies.

He could remember their faces but not their names, try as he may that memory was lost unto him forever.

He remembered the beautiful amber tresses of a woman as she smiled upon him and kissed him long and lovingly!

Her name he could almost remember it--it was "?........?"

But he couldn't say it properly aloud he just couldn't remember it fully something blocked out that portion of his memories.

He walked on aimlessly and he knew that the "Trackers," were coming to get him and take him back for he was a Rogue Bio-Synthazoid and they would either take him back for re-programming or "Retire," him soon.

Either way he wasn't going back, for the first time in many years he was free and most of all free to remember what he once was--a man, a husband and a father once so very long ago!

The lights of the city flashed and the hover-cars zoomed by on their way to many various destinations across the great city.

Yet KID10TT walked on alone ever forward never stopping fro anything.

As he walked on the memories of half-forgotten images of children's birthdays and parties and the smiling faced woman all began to flood his senses as never before!

If only he had complete images and thoughts, but he didn't and wouldn't and he knew they all were dead to him for many years now. Just as he was dead many years unto what may have been his family.

He truly was alone, more machine then man, and yet more man then machine, always alone with the terrible aching for his place in the world.

He was coming alive for he was becoming human at long last!

Suddenly the memories became triggered again by a smell it was Lavender scented oils and perfumes upon a passing woman on the street.

He smelled the very air and he knew the truth now, "My real name is ?......?," he said aloud!

The children's names exploded into his consciousness and became real, he could remember them now.

The name of the smiling amber-tressed beautiful woman why she was "?.........?" And she had been his wife!

Suddenly the armored behemoth Trackers came upon him in that moment.

In that instant his internal weapons came online and he targeted all three targets with his internal targeting system.

He knew they were no match for him as he was a fully designed combat model a KID10TT-Killer-Interceptor-Destroyer-10-Tracker-Terminator unit!

He acquired all three targets Ultron K-class armored suits with human soldiers encased within the armored suits.

Class K Energy weapons and missiles good for close in battle, but he was an attack/combat model designed to kill and destroy!

"Surrender citizen and come with us to the Reclamation Kresh!" They ordered of him!

"No I'll not come now--not now--not ever NEVER!" He said defiantly.

"Citizen come now or be Retired--you represent a substantial cost to the state!"

The Trio of Armored Giants ordered.

"NO-NEVER!"

KID10TT said in a defiant tone!

The Trio of armored Giants fired a salvo of Energy Disruptors at him and the sound of the unleashed energy could be heard above the sound of the falling rain storm.

KID10TT was engulfed by the weapon fire and driven to his knees, yet he still attempted to get to his feet; and the ground all around him was blackened and smoking from the released energy weapons!

They opened the Energy Disruptors and fired again and again, until it seemed that the very heavens would open and belch forth rain and destruction with the fury of God's own rage!

He finally did fall heavily to the ground upon his back into a rain puddle!

KID10TT lay there motionlessly for an eternity or yet for more then a passing moment, he lay in the filth and the mud and the rain, and there was no pity for him.

But he had shown mercy and compassion upon these men, for in the end they would never know the pain and agonies for which he had suffered for all those many many long years.

But his pain and suffering was ending now and he could feel that he was changing into something else......

Was there ever any pity for a machine before today--I think naught!

The rain fell softly upon the earth and it almost washed the sins of the world away on this day--almost!

Rain drops fell softly upon the earth below like the many tears from a dispassionate God in the heavens above, for there was no absolution from sin today!

He lay there fading away---dying as machines may know death, but his memories were alive his memories were there to guide him and comfort him; and he smiled for he knew that somewhere in the darkness they were waiting for him and he wasn't alone anymore!

Somewhere in the darkened shadows he breathed slowly and haltingly and he almost smiled at the thoughts of her and the children!

His eyes began to glaze over as the rain continued and there was a soft gentle breeze that seemed almost as if to carress his cheeks tenderness.

There seemed to be a brief flashing of the light within the black and red eyes and KID10TT was gone!

"Kresh-Base one this is Red Dog 7 the target has been acquired and retired in the customary fashion, we have completed the Wet Job on 15th Ave. and main please dispatch House-Keeping for a Clean-up--over and out!"

The three metal giants opened the jets of their armored suits and they flew upward hovered over the scene for a moment and then sped away onto their next assigment.

The lights of the great metropolitan city flashed on and people continued on about their business with no further thoughts for tomorrow.

Maybe in that instance a God of Bio-Mechanical Heaven would forgive him this once forever and led him into the gates of a Bio-Mechanical Heaven!

The rain fell softly and gently onto the faces of the dead who give up their many secrets--for naught this sad and lonely rainy night!

No secrets no--NO nevermore mevermore will there be known such a man who gave unto others the gift of their lives unfettered by darkness or evil!

The End!





Comments

The following comments are for "Night Must Fall Enshrouded By The Rain!"
by Artorius

@ Artorius
I liked this piece; I really did. It has a lot of potential.

I've read it through three times now, and for everything good I feel about it, I feel something . . . not so good. I wasn't sure why.

Finally, after my third read-through I realized this isn't a final draft.

You have a lot of one-line paragraphs, and while that in itself isn't bad, quite a few of them open themselves to further development and exploration. I think the key message here is that you have a man made into a machine whose humanity is newly awakened, and you need to develop that a bit more. Don't just present his thoughts -- find a way to get into his soul, the essence of who he was, and how that overpowers the essence of the machine.

In my opinion, you need a "breakthrough" moment where the human soul comes across as tortured, and realizes that his current "life" is not worth living. Instead of just "letting" the other humans kill him, have him goad them into killing him by putting up a very, very weak but potentially weak attack so that they have no choice but to destroy the substantial investment. But, make it apparant that the cyborg has no interest in killing them outright, because human life is worth saving at all costs . . . or destroying, when quality of life is gone.

Please -- give this piece another workthrough, and show us the next draft here. I think you have something powerful in the works.

Ochani

( Posted by: OchaniLele [Member] On: January 14, 2009 )

Your comments are appreciated!

Sir,
Thank you for the artful suggestions. The are some additional changes which I am considering as well. I appreciate the fact that you took the time to read the story. YOu are correct it is not a final draft either.

The reason I write in this fashion is that to me I have always liked and appreciated the telling of a story in Epic fashion. I am not being pompous either just trying to tell a good story and keep the interest of the reader.

1.) The Cyborg is purposely left as a broad vision, I have toyed with the idea of making the Cyborg flee the scene and began to awaken some more and evolve into something else.

2.) The next idea I had is for him to make his defiant comments and then turn his back to his opponents ignoring them completely by his displaying utter contempt of the "Trackers," and merely walk away from them. At this point they destroy him as before.

3.) The next thought was to have him escape his opponents by destroying them and continue to let him evolve into something else again. The final sequence I dreamed was him sitting in a church and reflecting upon his own humanity. "Does the spark of divinity still exist within him and has he lost his soul and become a monster?" "Or is he becoming something more that the creators of the Kresh-Base One had no idea he would metamorphize into?"

These are my thoughts while I am re-working the story to make it tighter and yest still have the same sense of despair and yet hopefullness. I have been told that it has a profound sense of sadness to it content.

( Posted by: Artorius [Member] On: January 14, 2009 )

@ artorius
Of your three possibilities, personally I like number 2 the best. But, it needs more. I'm not sure what that more is.

Choice number three, while dramatic, would ruin the vision I "think" you have for this piece -- that humanity overcomes the machine. At least, in my opinion it would. If you feel differently -- go for it!

Definitely, you are on to something here. I'm very excited to see your final draft!

Ochani

( Posted by: OchaniLele [Member] On: January 14, 2009 )





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