Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

I've tremble that I awoke from my deep sleep that anger me
That I was awaken,
Sleep on, sleep on is my most welcome desire from within my misery
That I request from you to never forsaken.
Ugly world of the smell of discuss selfishness
That are all around me,
Leave me lock in my prison of no hope for mankind
To set himself free.
I ask, am I alone on this planet with such energy
For worthlessness of ideas,
Ideas thaat can never bless and flourish every garden to cheer.
Grab me by the hand and never shake me to be awaken only to disappoint
My spirit to hope,
Sleep under the stars is my request to never
Understand but cope.
Cope with the nonsense to respect for my wiser to remain deep
Into my sleep to avoid the parasites who are unlike me,
To never again be bored with what is all around me to see.
When a miracle suddenly occur that awaken me to see the eternal sun
That lift me up and gave a purpose and joy to understand,
To understand that the sun is the reason why my awakening
Was the reason as to why I can.


A Christian G. Sullivan
Poem

------
Christian G. Sullivan


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "The awakening"
by TheShiningstar

The awakening
This has a gret start. I have trouble with syntax.
Example:
"I've tremble(ed) that I awoke from my deep sleep that anger(ed) me
That I was awaken(ed),
Sleep on, (to)sleep on is my most welcome(d) desire from within my (add a word here to identify the word misery?) misery
That I request from you to never (be) forsaken(ed)"

If you are intending a stilted form I think the reader may turn away. When I edited this piece (For my own selfish comfort)it was a good poem. Perhaps go back and look at it again.


( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: January 8, 2009 )

Discomfort
Like jonpenny, I find this a difficult poem to read - difficult but rewarding. Discomfort lies within it and all through it. The shifting tenses, the way some lines lead into the next, complex rhyming and some creative word choices make it hard work, but work worth persevering with.

( Posted by: Sebastian08 [Member] On: January 8, 2009 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: