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9Ariana

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perched on the roof was a blackbird
howling to the moon
winged and defiant
i shot him a quick hand
and hastily he sped
wings cluttering about
flapping against the wind
a song
is only a song
so long as the heart reveres
otherwise its just a long drawn out sentence
takings its root in your mind and planting itself
without care or regard for the imagination




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The following comments are for "i just woke up and needed to squeeze something out me arse"
by FangChen

"blackbird"
I'm having a hard time reconciling the two halves of this poem. The first one conveys the narrator's whim, or his annoyance with the blackbird's howl, whereas the second attempts to arrive at a profound realization about the song as a notion. I kept looking for a link. Your word choice ('howl') connotes unpleasantness and discord; thus, it hints at the narrator's motives. The last two lines spell out the implicitness of the line that immediately precedes them. It's a good poem; I did enjoy it. I just think it needs a bit of fine-tuning. I hope my comment helps.

Best,
Ariana

( Posted by: Ariana [Member] On: December 5, 2008 )

bird howl
We don't normally attribute howling to birds, so it jarred me at first, but I decided it was a unique image that carried it's meaning well. Overall, this is a fine poetic theme: analyzing the action we take after the fact and realizing the possibility of another interpretation.

( Posted by: poeteye [Member] On: December 7, 2008 )

One more thought ...
It could use a better title, however

( Posted by: poeteye [Member] On: December 7, 2008 )





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