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Mom…Dad …I’m gay…

Someone touched my poodie pie, my wee wee
I've been abused,
I was curious but misused
And then...
I liked it and couldn't stop
So now...I'm happy about it,
I’m just gay about it...

My pain has been turned into pleasure although it may hurt you.
I'm gay...this is my life, my decision...my uphill battle that just might come crashing down but let me take this toll,

I'll pay for it...in change… or it'll be rent out of my hide
But no longer can I hold inside
The confines of my mind
My minds content of being different
So what if I must fight for the rest of my life
To hold hands with a man or woman…the same as me
Getting silent stares of disapproval compared to living
A life of secrecy
Was brutal…for me
Faced the possibility of being beaten or killed
Wondering about God’s will…for me
Wearing stamps of approvals
T-shirts that proudly read
Gay-pride
And parades that fade after marching into the TV news

Back then I couldn’t tell you…
Mom… dad…someone touched my poodie pie or my wee wee
So I found content of what my young mind thought life was supposed to be
Not the opposite of what I thought I must hide…
…In a closet...
Mom…Dad finally…
Someone touched my poodie pie…my wee wee
So now…I’m gay.

Now I walk around screaming with pride…
Am I happy though?
Because that’s what gay really means

Find your peace.

By LMJ


------
LMJ


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Comments

The following comments are for "Mom...Dad...I'm gay"
by LMJ

LMJ
It took a lot of courage to write this piece, and to share it with us at litdotorg. Thank you for being so open.

Ochani Lele

( Posted by: OchaniLele [Member] On: November 29, 2008 )

Ochanilele..
This use to be my story...I have no shame, Life is what it is...I didn't make the rules, I didn't ask to be misused or confused about life...I was born.

...and then crafted and moled into a vessel to disspel all of the hurt and pain that humans dole out in life, as to rebuke thougnts of the world being a bitter and cold place. It is NOT the world it is indeed some of it's inhabitants that make life's transitions painful.

I'vwe come a long wy and I'm sure tht therer are more lesson's to be learned along the way...so I write about them in my poetry to paint with my pen truth's of what paths and mysteries are true and real. EVERYthing that I have written about has happened...and if it's real for me then I know that it has to be real for someone else, they may not be able to put a voice to it though.

I've grown to be able to. Thank you for reading and understanding the pain and process of this piece...it's sad but it's true.

(love your name by the way...what's it mean?)

( Posted by: LMJ [Member] On: November 29, 2008 )

LMJ...take back the POWER!
Yes, LMJ,
Thank you for being so open.
I too, was molested as a child, it is a difficult subject to write about..I know, and also raped in my life, that too had years of therapy to deal with all...but I always remembered, what does not kill me makes me stronger. I am not gay, but during my college years I experimented our of curiosity, I know who I am...and I too am not ashamed, and for years I worked as a volunteer for a women's rape crisis center and saw many others who went through worse than I ever did, knew a girlfriend who had a gun held to her head once during a rape...yep, and as an activist working in women's shelters and abuse safe houses, so many of those woman had been molested as children, hard for them to speak of it, very hard for many, but I witnessed it, and I know I am not alone, and neither are you, none of us are. We can take back our power, as I have done and you have too. You are strong and talented and brave to write this...

Blessings to you and yours,
Namaste,
Lena

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: November 29, 2008 )

Gay or NOT...
I'm not a lesbian, I use to be. I wrote this piece because I was inspired by Daggers' piece: "Mom can we talk" reading him invoked past feeling of how I felt during "my experimentation period with women"...I am well aware of how trying it can be telling someone...anyone that you're gay or lesbian. Thing is not many people know what comes from behind..."the story of how you arrived to that point in life" I've dealt with my realizations through my writing...actually it has proven to be powerful tool.

My power is alive in ever word that I write, in every emotion that I feel, in each piece that I read and my mind deciphers...My power is hoping to reach someone, anyone that has traveled down a road and feels as if here is no light at the end of that tunnel...I light the fire, I strike a match so that they may see the way out and understand that they are not alone...and never have been nor ever have to be.

( Posted by: LMJ [Member] On: November 29, 2008 )

That's right LMJ...Gay or NOT and the many in betweens...
Gay born or not and all that is in between with lable or no label, and what leads to and the pain, and more, etc/ so much to tell, and you were brave for sharing, just as Dagger and many others I have known....blessings;-)

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: November 30, 2008 )

Leena!
YES! you never cease to amaze me, there are so many in-betweens in life (transitions) but then such is life.

( Posted by: LMJ [Member] On: November 30, 2008 )

Alternative name for
I tried to resist this thread . . . I really, really did . . .

but

in these here parts, we have a name for heterosexuals like you. It's . . .


B-R-E-E-D-E-R

:) Ochani Lele :)

PS: I'll regret his post in the morning!

( Posted by: ochanilele [Member] On: December 5, 2008 )

People, Please...
There's too much pain out there without inflicting on to one another, Eric with your supposed ignorance and Rogan with your sarcasm and you too Ochani Lele...when people feel pain we feel s if we're supposed to inflict that same pain onto the next person.

Gay means happy Rogan
Dkye is a tool used by construction workers, whether it's slang or not something has happened to someone that has altered their thinking in a painful way...ROGAN & ERIC if you want to understand then you must understand this: no one can judge but GOD. whatever the terminologies are that's used to equate one or the other...we're still talking human beings and feelings & emotions both of which we all have...COME TOGETHER RIGHT NOW... OVER ME!

No regrets, but understanding, no finger pointing, but understanding that it is better to understand then to be understood.

PEACE.

( Posted by: LMJ [Member] On: December 5, 2008 )

My two cents worth!
We do not choose how we are born...that is God's perogitive...but we CAN choose to embrace ALL God's creatures, gay, straight, black, white, yellow...whatever.

I happen to adore classical music...but while rap gives me a headache...I love the rapper!
Soo...in this climate of death and destruction by terroist, some who may or not be gay...let us be bound together by judgeing our fellowman by whether he is intrinsically evil...not by his skin color or his sexual manifestation.

Bea

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: December 5, 2008 )

Were here were queer
get used to it..besides isnt everyone a little gay...I mean you cant tell me none of the apostles ever gave each other the old dutch rudder????

You know whats gay??? Religion...Mormons are especially gay???? Mormons in magic underpants...it does not get much gayer than that!!!!

So guys get some gall and go suck on some balls and ladies go find a clit to lick and do it quick...before god turns you into a gay mormon in magic underpants....

( Posted by: kilgoretrout [Member] On: December 5, 2008 )

Magic UNDERWEAR? Terence, oh yes, true! Hahaha!
Disclaimer: Though this is a true story, and it did happen to me, I am not judging nor saying this is the norm in the Mainstream Mormon Church! I do not generalize nor assume anything about any church or denominations, there are good and bad in all...that is the nature of being human.

but...


OK, I had to laugh at that one, I had a roommate once who was mainstream Mormon, she was a great person, kind person, and I know MORMONS very well, mostly because she introduced me and brought directly into their world.

At that time though I was into looking into a few hundred other denominations as well, and I have "studied first hand" many a baptism and religious conversion...

...during that particular year, I was dunked in the Temple baptismal pool of the Mormon, wearing yes, a special white gown for the dunking baptism ceremony...never did see the magic underwear?

That was million years ago, during my twenties and college years when I went on a study of sorts, of a kind of first hand "infiltration study" of many religions and many protestant, and non-protestant denominations and religions, etc.---I just had to know what people were experiencing, and I wrote a paper on the "religious conversion experience process" for my one of my psychology classes at that time for extra credit...fascinating all the many things I learned about so many different people and their particular dogma/beliefs!

Why I have also been dunked in flowing real rivers by the fundamentalists/evangelicals too, that was way fun--Praise the Lord, (that makes me a "backslider" now, since I have known Jesus and let him into my heart) and here is the thing, I was not being mocking....

I wanted to sincerely KNOW and be able to write about what the real experience was of all these people and religions and practices, so I was THERE IN THE MOMENT EACH TIME IN COMPLETE SINCERITY---even had some Christian Science readings once or twice, oh, you name it, I have experienced it, and wrote about it.

But, the Mormon thing and the "magic underwear", such a secret, even though I was baptized as one of them too, never did see the undies. DARN!

But, let me tell you something...about "mainstream Mormonism", even though they SAY they do not do polygamy anymore, and separate themselves from the the so-called outside the Mormon mainstream polygamist cults...WELL.....let me tell you something that is true as true can be:

When in the Mormon (they call it a Stake, or Ward, or whatever) church I belonged to and I was "experiencing sincerely" all they had to offer and show me...

...well, there was this lovely lady, with about 10 kids, she was married to a local county Sheriff Deputy...she befriended me very quickly, (remember I was young, pretty then, fresh, and unmarried at that time, though I did have a divorce and two little girls already) anyway....

...She kept approaching me to come over for dinner, and to meet with her whole family, she so loved me she said...and she kept going on and on about what a GOOD husband her husband was, and "IF ONLY" the polygamy thing were still allowed she would be so happy to share her husband, because he was the best husband, and so I went to dinner, and met them all, and the husband, and all of that....uh huh...it IS going where you are thinking...

....And, before you know it I got the VERY distinctive feeling there was some secret shenanigans of polygamy still ALIVE and well in the MAINSTREAM supposed non polygamy Church of Mormonism.

Yep, I was being interviewed basically and being indoctrinated into the idea of being a secret second wife for this woman's perfect husband, the Sheriff Deputy, and this was not UTAH, this was in northern California!

Woohoo! Well, I told my roommate girlfriend about it all, and she seemed fine with it...

....like well, we don't really talk about these things, she said, but if they are going on, then well, that is between those families thier business, and besides Joseph Smith was a prophet and the laws of the state can never overrule the laws of G-d or his living prophets of the Mormon church!

Wheweee! I got SO close, if I had chosen to be insane and secretly become a Mormon polygamist wife to this sheriff and his other wife and family, and then I could have seen that SECRET MAGIC UNDERWEAR for sure...

but I chose not to;-)

True Story, I kid you not.

Nothing "gay" about it, but there is certainly a lot of secrets and hypocrisy going on all about us...and the "magic underwear" is but a very small part of the BIGGER hypocrisy PICTURE, especially since the Mormon church, mainstream is was behind the whole overruling of gay marriage in California, they funded a campaign against it, yet WOW, these are the people who are judging what "sanctity of marriage" is, or how it should be defined?!

Too weird. I guess I blew my chance forever at ever seeing the SECRET MAGIC UNDERWEAR...but, ah, well;-)






( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: December 5, 2008 )

WOW!...Eric, Bea, Lena,Terence...
Eric, I can certainly understand not knowing, it just seems that these days someone we know is gay or lesbian...my bad.

Bea, WHAT YOU SAID!

Lena, so what happened? did you dip? ha ha ha!
I'm with you girl I had to laugh @ Terence that cracked me up!

Terence, BOY you are Crazy! I really needed that laugh! thank you!

you all have my love and attention...Happy Holidays!

( Posted by: LMJ [Member] On: December 5, 2008 )

Oh, Rogan...
I dare not call anyone stupid or ignorant for we already know that stupid is as stupid does...I do believe that for anyone that can sit and type in his or her feelings and emotions are educated or looking to be.

answer me this Rogan...

what jail, hell, heaven, punishment can you issue out to those that you deem wrong or disagree with?

"He that sits in a seat of judgement is in an office and has been elevated to per his or her training permeated by GOD" For in God we trust...but then that is for believers of God.

PEACE.

( Posted by: LMJ [Member] On: December 6, 2008 )

Des & Eric...
DES!!!! yes I miss you! what's really going on here man!?
I have no shame...I'm living life just as other's do...trial and error. I'm no ones judge or jury, I merely write about my experience's or those that touch my life through other peoples' pains, joys, triumps...etc., etc.

Eric...
Asking is the only way to gain knowledge if you don't know about a thing Eric...so you did as I would. But we get it confused when we come off in painful manner.


...an uphill battle is hardly funny, in fact it means to struggle. ever do much uphill walking or bike riding Eric? it's a struggle when the road or path is long and there are obstacles in your way...the norm is to be male & female...I agree, my thing is how a person arrives to a decision or destination of personal choice.

YOU NEVER KNOW how unless they tell you.
we all have stories to tell short and long, of pain, love, joy, mistakes, goals, fantasy and dreams...WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS...and none of us are perfect...not one.

This is a fact that you may or may not find in; wiki.

Blessed.

( Posted by: LMJ [Member] On: December 7, 2008 )

Locomotive going where? Rogan...
Rogan, it's all good part-ner.

do you. call it, sing it, ride it, write it, bring it....how ever you like...you can do whatever you like...

drugs, oil, government...

drugs... control people that are looking for a easier softer way.
oil of the earth as are we.

Government...tries to set laws to govern a world that most certainly would be OUT OF CONTROL if man had his way...

whatever your belief, you must answer to it...atheist or not you still live by some sort of rules...Um.

heaven, hell or jail?... for that matter mental institution...

to condemn or to belittle or degrade...OR...edify, understand and upgrade...

change happens when one is ready to change, nothing anyone can say or do will entice...

stressing?
stress happens when you let it happen...to you, it matters that we as a people have opinions and everybody knows...that opinions are like assholes...everybody has one.
...and that's not a bad thing, its one we must be considerate of because no one wants to be used as a toilet (dumped on)

peace, love and blessings...

call it.

( Posted by: LMJ [Member] On: December 8, 2008 )





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