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Like breath-
hes been there...
-with no need to think
to make it so-


Like heart beat


A blink.
All is changed...
-hes gone.

Hes GONE

-and I am so angry at him
for leaving me here, alone-

So angry that I forget
to ache for him to help me
through this missing him-

-this finding what it is to feel so less than self;
lost in loss and sadness
...as if to be but half
of who I've known myself to be...


- to not be able to catch breath-


Im glad to be angry
or I might burst with sorrow
before I learn again
- how to breathe.

At first it takes such deliberate thought.

One day
he will settle into that place
within my breast that keeps the beat-

and because he's there,
-breath will come easily again-




------
Elizabeth Maksymiuk


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Comments

The following comments are for "Valentina on the Death of Or"
by emaks

Spot on Elizabeth!
This really hit home for me...it was/is exactly how I felt when my Husband died. You've decribed the emotions so beautifully. Although it was 19 years ago...it still feels like yesterday.

We never get over it...only learn to deal with it.

If this was personal for you...my sincere condolences. So happy to see you back here with us Elizabeth.

Bea

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: October 24, 2008 )

Elizabeth!
so glad to read you again, dear friend, but so sad to read something so replete with loss and longing... this poem reads like a long exhalation, the shuddering, broken breath of one trying not to cry... I know that feeling well, it's painful in its being all too human...

you express your emotions with clarity, honesty and simplicity. it leaves an ache, but Im glad that I read it, having shut up my finer feelings a lot lately. all the best to you and yours, my friend. feel well.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: October 26, 2008 )

On Valentina- thank you
Chloe, Bea, Eric and Shannon,

Thanks to you each for reading and commenting.

Or was Valentina's husband of 40 years, high-school sweet-hearts, and he dropped dead from a heart attack at the age of 61.

There was no love lost between Or and me, but my heart went out to his wife, my friend.

All greif is bone-numbing. Especially so when taken off-gaurd, I think.
The light lies in the fact that there is a correlation between the depth of greif and the purity of love. It is a small comfort at first, but it eventually mellows into that beautiful peace one can find when they rememebr their lost one and it brings a smile to their heart.

May your hearts be smiling-
Thank you for sharing this with me.

best blessings - Elizabeth

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: October 26, 2008 )

Eric, Or
-meant to mention-

I hope I'm never in a position to know for sure... but,I would imagine that when forced with survival, greif takes a back seat. (Hopefully, there will be time to greive...) I'm sure guilt must be heavy on such people. There's a psychological term, I think it's "survivor's complex"? Not sure.
Can you conceive the what-ifs and if-onlys that must follow such trauma?


I'll take mine bitter-sweet, if I have a choice-
thanks for food for thought and tell your brother hey for me. :)

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: October 26, 2008 )

Elizabeth's sorrow...
I'm sorry to hear about this Elizabeth. Yes, I know the guilt of survivor's syndrome, I knew a whole culture of ethnics from Brooklyn raised by parents that suffered from that survivor syndrome, I need not say, it, but of course I am talking of Holocaust survivors, no surprise. Meet quite a few of the actual survivors not just thier kids, which where my generation of the 50s times,...this is a touching poem, very poignant. Like Shannon, I agree this poem has a clarity and honesty to it in how you are able to express your deepest feelings so perfectly well...

By the way, glad to see you back at the Lit.Org, I hope you heard the good news about all the new things and fixes and new features Chrispian is doing to the Lit.Org in collaboration with RCallaci and the New Owner/Benefactor of Lit.Org.


I am quite excited and happy about it personally for many reasons, and it is good to see the NEW Lit.Org grow and flourish, and all nukes new and old are forever disabled, and more and more new people coming in only add to the the diversity that makes this place so interesting, and done;-)

Blessings and namaste,
Lena

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: October 28, 2008 )





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