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i haven't writen a poem in about two years. i wasn't that good back then. i am composing this piece on the computer. so there will be many errors that i might come back and fix.

pain, and joy
hand and hand.
the sorrows are hear.
so is the pleasure.

i hate what i have sunk to,
i love what i have become.

a slave to the sins of the flesh,
above the worldly constraints.

a burdin on all who know,
a hero to all who care.

a white robed figure on a hill,
a wraith in a midnight hole.

the shadow seek to bind me,
the light seeks to blind me.

the good see the evil,
the evil see the good.

suronded by my fellows,
alone amungst the crowd.

certain of were i make my stand,
yet never to know who i am.

confusion is all i truely know,
so how can i truely know anything?

To live ones life free from the constraints of judgement is truely bliss.

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The following comments are for "of night and day"
by crackpotpoet

response to 'ONAD'
Skimming the surface of- 'of night and day', it's coupled lines are limited by the similes that remain discursive, however, bear promise. Likely the poet, pending.

Lines that are accessible (rust-free):

'i hate what i have sunk to,
i love what i have become.'

'suronded by my fellows,
alone amungst the crowd.'

Interesting images.

On stanza eight, the first person pronoun is anchored by its self-referential message, which works well. Perhaps more meaningful anchored at the start of the poem for an immediate impact?

For design, would the upgrade to three lines persuade more the reader to pause and infer, the projected and personal message? For my part, two lines has me flung out the frame and flat on my face- fancy and foot free?

Given two years festering- build on the basics. Promise- truth underpins potential as the poet props a poem. Reinforce the successes so as to graduate with direction. A poet's potential?


( Posted by: firstedition [Member] On: October 16, 2008 )

glimpses of life
Very well written. each section reads like a separate thought, each arriving alone yet part of the whole.

"i hate what i have sunk to,
i love what i have become."

so very true

( Posted by: JonnyT [Member] On: October 16, 2008 )

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