Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

September 31, 2010- Hunting in the Alaskan woodlands, VP Sarah Palin shot one of her hunting companions and closest friends, Dr. Bridget Tunoweir in the face.

“I thought she was a moose with lipstick. After all, it is mating season, and a moose or a girl’s gotta do what she must to get elected, I mean selected”, said Palin, adding that Dr. Tunoweir ”has put on a couple hundred pounds since college, but she has, or had such a pretty face until I shot it. Something big moved so I shot it. If you’re not with me, you’re game. Stay behind me, bitch, or you’ll get shot. And that bitch had no biz saying she wouldn’t vote for me on GMA before the 2008 election, and then come hunting with me? I had that bitch in my bead-”

Her press advisor, Carrot Top, interrupted at that point with a lame routine utilizing aborted fetuses, lipstick, and a half-billion dollar bridge. “I’m much better at this than at comedy”, he continued.

Nobody in the press cared to press on. There were no follow-up questions as Ms. Palin cleaned her concealed weapons while Carrot Top and Dr. Tonoweir changed their shorts.

Dr. Tonoweir apologized for standing in Ms. Palin's line of fire. "Sarah field-dresses LIVE moose. She rides teams of sled dogs over her opponents. You've got to love her- or else.."


s082508



------


"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesman and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do."

- Ralph 'Where's Waldo' Emerson




"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like. And I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
- Bilbo Baggins













Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "VP Palin Shoots Friend in Face 09/31/10"
by drsoos

Priceless Political Humor by DrSoos.....
DrSoos,
I was in bed here with my laptop, feeling a bit stressed (what with all the health crap and op coming up shortly)..and I was about to take may meds and get some relaxing rest to un-stress my body...when I am not un-stressing my body I usually play video games on my gaming laptop here or I go to youtube.com and find laughter or good music, but a few moments ago I decided to look in here and see what was in humor hoping to find DrSoos, an SURE ENOUGH here you are, BETTER and funnier than ever. This piece left me howling in laughter, I love it. "A moose with lipstick"? Hahaha! You got it. Palin is a beast with lipstick that should she ever be near a that nuke button in the White House after 5 million year John McCain dies in office, well...we, the world are in for some serious DEATH! Palin is unstable, a liar, piece of work beyond belief without any scruples, but that politicians for ya..eh? How stupid of John McCain in the hopes of getting a few Hillary voters to put all of our LIVES on the line by picking this sociopath lipstick beast from Alaska? Talk about dangerous psycho-bitches, moose and badgers or whatever? This one takes first place. This woman must never be allowed into a place of power where the world's lives are at stake.....never.

Anyway, thanks for the HEALING LAUGHTER...it was an awesome funny and very much a unique piece that only the mind of DrSoos can come up with.

Blessings to you and yours, and best wishes for living a long and prosperous life in these turbulent lipstick wearing beast times.

With love and respect,
Your fan from yesterday,
today and forever!

Lena

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: September 26, 2008 )

Georgie smoke crack..
"..and I don't care," Ms Palin continued. Jimmy smoked crack, and although I don't care Charlie. by George, who flew sans jet, just straw and Coors (daddy's friend and beer, I flew it in once). I pissed myself. I sort of understood that crazy astronaut stalker chick. It Depends.

( Posted by: drsoos [Member] On: September 26, 2008 )

DrSoos, eh? Umm? Say what?
This like the rest of your body of work in satire politica is so good that I would say, if you plan not to try and have a collection published, this stuff is what pure stand-up is made of...you could be a writer for stand-up comedians, they are always looking for good material, many do not write their own stuff you know...now how to go about that? I would have to ask a stand up friend of mine, as of this moment haven't a clue even if it's highly competitive or what? But, your unique "takes" and anecdotal snippets, one liners, and ala Seinfeld/Larry David view points are sure to please many as they do me. Again, no magic formula and in some circles it's all nepotism, so you gotta research it....I would love to hear some of this stuff on comedy central or Mad TV or SNL...or even you yourself, like a George Carlin, go to comedy stand-up school/workshops...in LA I had many friends always inviting me to their shows to "tell them what I thought of their stage presentation" and also went to many a school/workshop. Saw old women, old men, teens, college, housewives, nerds, cool dudes, every race, age, color, and background you can imagine. Those that make it are the determined, and who are lucky enough to make some connections (networking very important) and then be in the right place at the right time and be willing to suffer on the road for a bit before being "discovered"...again, in most cases a matter of luck. I know one Jewish lady comedian who knows a few other comedians and so on, they are like a click, highly competitive, and passionate and most insane as loony birds with severe problems, many suffer from depression, bipolar disorders, alcoholism, drug abuse, and most come from dysfunctional families. Some get started in it as a hobby, a few open mike nights here and there and get lucky, for that is what happened to Roseanne Barr (chubby Jewish Princess married to a regular trailer park kind of guy, 3 or 4 kids in tow, and she on a lark would go out and do it for fun, open night microphone...blah blah blah and she wasn't even living in California at the time...the rest is history) My stand up friend started her comedy well into her 40's and gets gigs at pretty well known places in LA...so, I guess I'm rambling about this because I see so much in your style of humor and quickness and wit that I see someone unique yet not much different from other writers of satire comedy, you would fit in with any of them or any group or faction of them. Just like one of guys and gals, so like ABBA says: "Baby can't you see, take a chance on me?"
I know how much you love ABBA so I thought would through that in there for inspiration and a little push. Hey, you're family will understand, just say, I'm going out for some cigs be back later, and slip out the back Jack, make a new plan, Stan, just get your WORK heard and seen.

That's all I got to say about that. Now you can tell me to fuck off and that I am full of shit or ignore, no skin off my back either way. But, this is my own special long winded way of once again saying hey there drsoos, you got something special and I wished you'd "take a chance on you"...but never stop writing here, you are so funny, and you bring me great joy and laughter. I'm sort of like one of those "scary stalker fans"....yeah, I am you're number one biggest fan! Don't worry though, I won't shoot you or mistake you for a soos moose. Ever watch the Woody Allen Film called "Stardust Memories"? Yeah, that puts the #1 fan thing into a pretty creepy but funny perspective. Though Woody is no longer on my list of favorites, his old stuff was good before he did what (um-mmm) he did....but hey, atleast Mel Brooks never let me down, or Ben Stiller or quite a few others with a twist in their humor such as what you have here...its more than something learned, I think some are simply born with a gift for it. You got it.

No hand outs though (unless your dad or uncle happen to be in the "media/arts/industry" and pave the road for you like a lot of current celebrity royal progeny seem to be getting done for them, none of them ever earned a thing, all were just lucky to have been born to folks already on the inside)...but there is still room for outsiders not born so lucky...you are what you choose to be and you want to be and determination and chutzpah makes all the difference in the world. Period.

Some like me, have no ambition. I have not a bone of ambition in my body artistic wise. I just like creative people, love them, love to be around them, knowing them, running in their mad worlds, etc., yes, I am like one of them in that I share similar dysfunctional backgrounds and bouts with intense mad passions, but I have never had an artistic vision for recognition, my whole life thing of top priority has been spiritual quest, and journey....and along the way I've met a lot of very interesting folks with lots of talent, most wanted recognition, but only a few ever got the complete recognition thier talents deserved....it's a big big big competitive world out there in certain fields and arts and you have to really want it. I mean REALLY want it.

Me, artistic wise, I am mostly just a voyeur who likes interesting company. Like Peter Sellers and his quote line in the old movie, "Being There":

"I LIKE TO WATCH"

NO, really, I LIKE to watch.

Namaste,
Lena

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: September 27, 2008 )

Yes, but..
But it's not often I cone up with a "zinger".
I can't produce every day.

I am attepting to shop a few things about. I'll let you know.
Thanks.
s

(Oh, that comment was Sarah later. It seemed funny at the time

( Posted by: drsoos [Member] On: September 27, 2008 )

Palin depublished (deleted)
I shall soon delete some material, including this, for rights. Bids accepted.

Seriously, I'm reworking a thing or nine and using Writers Digest, and Writers Market 2009 soon (on order)ASAP! Things came up,I plan to order in Oct.

One must eat in order to write.

Thank you most extremely.

3;-[3=8E={

s





( Posted by: drsoos [Member] On: September 28, 2008 )

Good for you, DrSoos!
Keep going...but, you can still work it here till it has rights elsewhere. Many published writers do that and have already done that on here, Paul Bishop for example. He is a well known published writer, yet he published here too, got to watch those contracts on intellectual rights and how they read and exclusivity and all that, but don't let it stop you from posting here too, OK? Break a leg!

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: September 28, 2008 )

I'm sorry you shot me in the face
I've been told by trusted sources that if a publishing house finds the work that they plan to publish is already published online, they may well refuse, as "first rights" as given elsewhere. (Here, For example. I've been further advised that should anybody wish to purchase "first rights" to my story, my problem is solved by deleting any postings within thirty days of submitting them elsewhere, or out there wherever they may be.)

Magill; She called herself Lil, but everyone knew her as Nancy.

I guess I'll make my own website and unleash more of the animal within; as well as here, and there. Pay a sixpence, see me roar (or purr).

I've just begun to shine. I will shine just a little bit brighter each day, eventuallly creating a singularity resulting in a Big Bang and a new Universe.

Fast-forward to now: It looks a lot like the old one, don't it? It still sucks.

I must try again sometime soon.

s


( Posted by: drsoos [Member] On: September 29, 2008 )

First Rights Smart Contracts, and the BIG SOOS BANG!
well, you are right about all that in some cases, but it all depends, there are variable factors and different requirements by different houses, and depends on the contract, etc., but you know what? Trust your instincts and do your OWN research...I wish you well, may you soar higher than the sky and fly right into that super nova (oh, no that's not what I mean, that might kill you, nope wrong) I mean I hope you find that universe that suits you best, it is up to you, I am looking forward to hearing the sound of the great roar and BIG BANG of the Soos universe!

Break another leg, brake both of them for extra good-luck, oops, shouldn't have said good luck...by the way "WHO" shot you in the face?

Namaste!

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: September 29, 2008 )

Truer Words
Just popped in before dashing to work and caught this discussion . . .

Soos is right. Very few of the big publishers will consider publishing anything currently posted on the Net.

And Lena is right, too, in that some publishers don't care, as long as you remove the work from the Net when the contract is signed.

My two-cents? Ask the particular publishers to whom you're submitting what there policies are in this regard.

Hooray! I feel unusually helpful. :)

( Posted by: viper9 [Member] On: September 29, 2008 )

Control freak, maybe just the latter
Generally speaking I would prefer to sell 1st. rights ONLY and conrtol my work afterward (afterword?)

I won't sell control (although I'm currently taking a market survey, by coincidence, on the market value of control.

Thanks

s

( Posted by: drsoos [Member] On: September 29, 2008 )

The BIG BANG of soos comedy chutzpah....
There is a big difference between many sites on the net that try to go for first rights and complete control verses physical publishing houses in the non virtual world. (Though I must say I like the concept of e-zine sites, many of those, are quite good. RCallaci's site is amazing in talent and works, yet they do require contract first rights I do believe, most e-zine places do on the net, it is a whole new world that I think is going to be a wave of the future, just like download books, when the book down-loaders you can carry around with you become less expensive) Anyway, getting back to the whole virtual thing verses the physical thing, etc. They virtual world sites and so called publisher sites that try to sell services and things that you get for free in physical publishing houses, for that is just of the whole publishing contract and service that benefits them via getting as much profit back as possible, thus you get bigger pay-offs. And like Viper said, yes, it depends on the publishing house, their particular expectations and policies and rules. Ask them what they want and expect, or research them, you can usually find that info right in Writers Market Book, but take control of your own destiny and yours works. You gotta start somewhere, so at first you may have to whore yourself out a little cheaper, but later as you get more published you can become a regular high class call girl priced writer, eh? Umm hmm. But, I know that non virtual publishing houses are a whole lot more flexible than what I have read and heard on the net calling themselves publishing house services, etc. There are a lot of people on the net trying to make a quick buck by selling authors on the idea that they will do better for them than physical world houses can, but that is not true. Not true. It is more competitive in the physical world, because they pick and choose, they don't just take anyone, except vanity press of course...but you are a smart one, and you will figure it out. The rewards for going with the living non virtual world of being published for pay are greater, and the risk of rip off smaller, and like I said you shouldn't have to pay fees up front ever....that is not an honest or legit house, and those on the web that ask for that, I do not trust. If you want to put money into marketing and advertising into your own work, that can get really costly to be 'effective' in any real way, advertising is a crucial part of marketing your work, if your are selling a book, crucial to a targeted market and to book stores, etc,...usually, more often than not, in fact I have never heard of a real publishing house that did not cover the marketing advertising costs themselves. If they like your work, take you under contract, or buy your pieces or whatever, they do it all upfront and legal. Not so with internet scammers, and believe me there are quite a few of those around calling themselves experts and telling you they know the way it is and trying to FEAR you into going with them. Using the Writer's Market guide, get a new issue each year, and keep on trodding if that is the way you want to go...it is your choice you are smart enough to figure this out and not be hoodwinked. Now, there is a big difference in getting text books published and comedy/fiction published. Different animals, got to find your specific markets. Text is usually easier to get published if you are an expert in a field and have a good text to publish that will be used by various schools and or non-fiction public buyers interested in such subjects. Poetry is almost impossible if not totally impossible to get published by any big houses, no money in it, very little interest market, a few alternative and rogue style houses that are idealistic and living poor will take on poetry usually for fees though, they can't afford the costs of marketing poets, UNLESS you are a big name, well known established author or poet only then is there a possibility to be taken on by the big houses...and even then they don't expect big returns, they do it for thier client. Erica Jong is a good example though from a time back, she was in the right place, right time, she wrote fiction books and got her poetry books published too, she used to be one of my favorites poets, still is. A real stark open real poetry style, but I didn't care much for her fiction books, yet it was her fiction novel books that made the profit for the publishers, not her poetry stuff...you see what I am getting at?

Want to go for the big bucks, research, it I am not pulling this out of my ass, I am pulling it from knowing and seeing and dealing with real people in this business. My friend Stuart specializes in text book style metaphysical books on the teaching of the religion of Santeria and his books have been used ( I shit you not) by very well known universities in the USA in their comparative religions courses, including some of the Ivy League colleges, yet they are just simple text books. He is an expert, he writes well, a true intellectual and well respected in his field. So getting a publisher was not a problem for him, before he did Santeria, his first book he went with a publishing house that specializes metaphysical/New Age type books called Llewellyn Publication, again, he was an expert in that field, and a good writer, he fit what they were looking for. And currently he is contracting again for a whole new series of books on Santeria, he is doing well, text book writing is not for everyone, because like I said, you have to be qualified and an expert in that field in order to be taken seriously by a publishing house that specializes in text books of that sort, or any sort really. Fiction writers have a much harder time of yet, with novels, so many millions of them out there..so competitive. But, those with an extra edge or expertise get taken on by publishers a little easier I think, sort of like Paul Bishop who writes crime novels and is well known...he is a real life L.A. detective. That makes his books more interesting, an easier sell by the publisher, marketing firm, etc., here a real live cop who knows what he's writing about though fictionalized, he is an expert. Now like he say, Paul Bishop, there are a lot of want to be out there, and you really have to be a good writer FIRST and know what you are doing to get taken on...he wasn't published just cause he was a cop, but because he was also a really good knowledgable writer who knew his craft well..so being cop only helped him, but not just any cop can do what he does, he is special, like Joseph Wambaugh another real life LAPD cop and famous fiction crime writer...same thing. Fantastic writing skills and it didn't hurt that he was a real life cop.

Now the whole comedy thing, there is a big market for funny books usually with pics though, illustrations, so you will have to find your market carefully, because you wrote is edgy, more like I said material a stand-up comedian would buy or even potential ideas for sit-com, or comedy shows such as mad skits or SNL, etc., but toned down some you can get your stuff into say magazines first, or some specialty house that takes on edgy political stuff. There is a place for your work out there drsoos...and with you talent...all you need to do is find that market. If I had a bidder for you right now I would let them know. Right now, my comedian friend writes her own stuff, but she tells me and I have heard before many comedians don't, and they buy material just like a drug deal on the streets from material writers that frequent the comedy joints and stages where the guys and gals of laughter hang out. Funny sounding but true, yet I have no idea how to go about that one, you'd have to research that, I am sure there is a way in, but I think living in NYC or LA in cases like that are where you have the greatest chance of selling straight out and finding yourself your own personal comedian to write for his stand up bits, that all fascinates me.

Again, I say go for it. You have to really WANT it...and make it happen. You have to be persistent and never get dejected by rejection because their is certainly plenty of that out there, LOTS of rejection, but like some, you gotta keep pushing and eventually you will find yourself/your works in the right place at the right time, with the right publishers and it will happen. I totally believe in you Steve with a? aka drsoos. But again, don't stop posting here, you have lots of time and space and ways to get around all that, wait till it is tangible before you go taking all off, just take off those things you can rework to fit the market you are hitting on at the moment. The great thing about the net is deletion. One moment there next moment gone. Who is to say first rights what? And this site is not for profit, and is more of a workshop style place. I really don't believe anything from here you deleted would ever come back to bite you. Keep on the stuff you will not be using, and try out new material to see reaction, then rework it or whatever and take it down when you got a bite. Hey, you are no idiot. You'll figure this out, many writers try it, like I said even Paul Bishop tried a little showing of his preview of his up coming new novel here...it didn't hurt, writers do that, stand up guys using testing sites too in smaller comedy places to see how the material will go if they should decide to use it in the bigger comedy stages where the bucks will be greater. Lit.Org is a great testing spot for writers of all kind as far I am believe. And also a place for writers who just like to write and have no ambition to get published elsewhere on the net or the physical world. Some people just enjoy writing and sharing with the community of writers and poets and this is the perfect place for that too. Category for everybody...with more being added all the time, hopefully soon. I am excited about your new found CHUTZPAH ZOOM!

Break two legs and both arms!

With much love and respect for the writer known as drsoos aka Steve? Keep using us here at the Lit.Org...let us be your control group audience for your new works after you make it BIGBOOM BANGBANG to the top...or not..sometime being in the middles or higher low end pays the bills and keeps many a writer living just fine.

Lit.Org (control group audience reaction for the famous SOOS universe world of comedy...hmmm, I think I like that...will be fun)

Namaste!

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: September 29, 2008 )

Lena- paraghaph breaks
I must refer to your immediately preceding post. From a comfort aspect I would recommend more breaks in your text, perhaps paragraph breaks or just to breathe.

Most modern writing guides suggest frequent paraghaph breaks, lacking any strong argument for printing otherwise. If a guide advises otherwise, I shall act and react accordingly, unless I have a compelling artistic reason.

Help us all to follow you, Lena, by breaking your thoughts dowh.

I suggest you take frequent paragraph breaks.

Let the record speak for itself as well as the guilty parties. I'm fessing up. Actually i was eating, and writing in my mind, the most important mental meal, and second only to breakfast as the most important meal overall on an average (or superlative) day.

Break it up- pleasw? All of your posts would be much more acceessible if broken down into paragraphs no larger than the one above.

I, for one, cannot face a pagefull of opinon.
I can deal with one paragraph at a time logically building upon the previous, bolstering its case. This can well be a thing of beauty.

Come up for air, sweetheart! If you were speaking rather than writing I would fear for your oxygen level. Bust your stuff up.

xo
s

( Posted by: drsoos [Member] On: October 2, 2008 )

Yeah, Soos, Sorry....
I have tried the paragraph breaks in the past and of late in bed, all relaxed I have gotten lazy with my laptop all cozy...my fault, and I have been guilty in the past of telling others the same thing as you have told me here, MORE paragraph breaks.


I know how you feel for I cannot stand reading my own writing when this happens, I will try harder to go back to my disciplined ways and stop being a lazy no paragraph breaks jerk in my lazy bed state of laptopness.


Yes, on a roll lately...but I do come up for air occasionally. Like right now. Had too hard a last few days and little energy left for going on non stop roll. Period.

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: October 2, 2008 )

Gimme a break..


..I'll deal with it.

s

( Posted by: drsoos [Member] On: October 2, 2008 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: