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It’s April now. That would make the ‘incident’, as I refer to it, six months ago. Everything has changed, everyone is different, I’m not sure if it’s a direct result of the crash, but I like to imagine that it is. Everything before is almost foreign to me. Almost.
Oh she is still a skinny, curly haired smoker. Although, her children are now allowed to visit her while she is participating in Alcoholics Anonymous. My mother is still trying her hardest to become Nadine’s best friend. She even applied with Nadine for a job at the local Cheerleaders USA restaurant and bar. For those who are confused, the job entails waiting on men who harass you while you take their order in short shorts and a belly shirt. Pamela was turned down for the job. She was too old I suppose; she doesn’t like to talk about it. My mother, being the stubborn and strong woman she is, kept her head up high and found a job at a thrift store downtown called ‘Hand Me Ups’. The job makes her feel empowered and in a higher class than the homeless man that sits outside the shop. She even has found a new man. Nothing like the men she’s met before, well except for that one special migrant worker. His name is Juan and he is the group leader for AA, which means that he had a decent amount of schooling to be an addiction counselor. I don’t know why Pamela is so infatuated with Mexicans but they sure do please her. Oh Mommy Dearest, she isn’t much of a whore these days, it must have been the vodka that fueled her.
And how could we forget about Randy?!
Well as Fay mentioned before the ‘incident’, my father was planning on leaving the church. That he did. He was never that invested in it, he just liked to think he was. It’s always nice to have something to center your life around and that was the church for Randy. My father is now working as a motivational speaker. His presentations include the ’25 Steps to Leading a Balanced and Fulfilled Life’. Which was obviously ironic to me at first. The phrase he repeats throughout the set is eat, breathe and sleep LOVE. It may be very corny, but Randy sells it. He was always a good public speaker.
Although Pamela didn’t nab the job at Cheerleaders USA, Nadine did.
Don’t get me wrong, she loves the male attention, but she is mostly working there to earn money to put herself through beauty school. Her dream is to become a beautician and own her own salon. She wants to name the salon, ‘Nappy Nadine’s Salon for Hip and Rockin’ Women of Now’. I think it is a bit long for a company name and I’m still confused but the word nappy.
Tyrone is presently serving 5 years in prison for drug sales, which I know is a complete shock. Nadine goes to see him every week and especially looks forward to their conjugal visits. I think she trying to prevent her fear of Tyrone going gay in the joint.
Speaking of gay, Francis is doing quite well.
He is really into theatre now. He even got the lead in the school production of ‘Annie’. Although he is a boy and Annie is obviously a girl, Francis proved to have a much higher voice than all of the girls who auditioned.
Remember Bobby John? Well Francis and Bobby John recently met up again at school and it turns out that Bobby John loved the lingerie.
I know that Smokey’s death really took a toll on Curtis, but he convinced my mother to buy another dog. Curtis named the dog Pokey in memory of that tumor-ridden Smokey.
Funny thing, One day Curtis went with Nadine to pick up Pamela from her AA meeting and everyone there mistook him for Juan’s son. I think Curtis, for the first time, was a little confused on why he was so much tanner and hairier than the rest of us.
Betsy. Oh my dear sister Betsy.
She is, as I mentioned previously, enrolled in therapy. Unfortunately, she did make more than a few death threats on the therapist. She is currently being transferred to a new doctor; all I know is that it’s going to take more than a few trained professionals to change Betsy.
Her close relationship with the dark side has also been strengthened by the movie ‘The Exorcist’. She watched it with me late one night and it further intensified her love for Satan. No matter what, Betsy will always do what Betsy wants to do.
Who got kicked out of their senior living center? BOBBI DID!
Well after about two months of residing at Rose Gardens Senior Living Center, Bobbi Dykes was shown the door for disrupting and thoroughly disturbing the other residents. Oh Bobbi, she slays me. Well now she lives with her own daughter, Pamela. Bobbi now can enjoy the company of her family minus the Pastor. Bobbi and my mother bond through watching television programs such as ‘Golden Girls’ and movies from the Lifetime channel. They also play high stakes poker every Friday night. Bobbi loves to invite Nadine’s friends from Cheerleaders USA over to partake in the poker playing. This, of course, sparks jealousy in Pamela. It’s always fun to watch my seventy-something grandmother chomp on tobacco and yell curses at the other players.
Now I’m sure that everyone is wondering what happened to that wonderful Fay Mitchell and her two children. Well I will explain.
After the ‘incident’ Fay ran from the scene, scared that the police would blame her for endangering a child or something like that. My mother insisted on pressing charges against Fay in saying
“Fay’s a rich bitch and we want some of that gold.”
Although that statement was oh so convincing, I decided that I didn’t want to have anymore to do with her especially having to see her in court. Turns out, Fay also applied to work at Cheerleaders USA, but was turned down because of some botched liposuction scars. Figures.
She is now working as a model at the local mall. They have cheesy little fashion shows every week for some of the stores. Fay walks down the tissue paper covered makeshift runway and struts her stuff. I’ve never seen this, but Nadine told me all about it. I guess when Nadine saw Fay modeling at the mall, Nadine yelled out, “SKANK!” and then chucked her cherry soda all over the white dress Fay was modeling.
As for Thomas, his father ordered a paternity test. It turns out that the man Thomas had been living with every other weekend wasn’t even his father. Since Thomas’ alleged father now refuses to see him, Fay has both her boys all the time.
Jojo, well, we all knew he wasn’t too bright. Apparently, he has to spend yet another year in pre-kindergarten because he can’t recite his ABC’s or count past five.
Now I don’t want to make this a stupid, ‘As for me, life is great’ spiel about how my life is so much better. I’m not sure if my life is so much better because my family has changed or because I’m not so negative anymore. Maybe they seemed so horrible because I made them out to be.
Anyways, after the bandage was taken off of my head I realized that I had a giant scar on my forehead. It almost resembles the famous scar from the character Harry Potter. Well, everyone at school seems to think so because my new nickname is Harry. I hope it doesn’t have to do with my lack of shaving until 8th grade, but at least people know who I am now.
As for Steve, turns out he knocked up that bitch Kelsey too. I guess Kelsey’s parents almost shit a brick and sent her away to an unwed teen mother’s home. Then Kelsey’s parents called Steve’s parents and they had him sent away to an all boys’ boarding school so he couldn’t knock anyone else up. Oh man, I find that very ironic.
I guess that I have reason to believe that God has a plan for everyone. He makes events happen because he knows that you can handle them and they will change you for the better. I mean, Hell, I thought God was personally torturing me for 15 years. Oh I don’t know, maybe he was, but I’m not gonna let the past hold me back. I mean the past will always be apart of my life, obviously, but it doesn’t have to affect my future. I think I needed to lose something dear to me to see all the others who love me more clearly.
I am Lillian Jean McBride and yeah, ill say it..