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Evil slithers
resembling snakes
along warm, black-topped
bike trails

Seeking to sink it's fangs
into the tender Achilles
of unsuspecting men

Injecting poison as drugs
numbing brains,
taking all from willing victims,
for there is no control of self

Given to seizures, certain death inevitable.
Screaming silently
while being swallowed
before death ensues


------
Kacee Huggs


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Comments

The following comments are for "Slither"
by Nitz Kitty

Kacee!
glad to read a post from you again, my friend, it's been a while, hope all is well with you and yours...

read this as an allegory for addiction, and a clever one at that, especially "tender Achilles", which could be taken either literally or figuratively…

really stellar use of language here, particularly effective alliterations “black-topped
bike trails”, “Seeking to sink”, “Screaming silently”, the last two examples with a sibilance perfectly suited to snakes…

as always you write a dark tale with a moral message. Beware! Hope you’ll stick around, Kacee, your distinctive voice has been missed.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: August 6, 2008 )

Shannon
Thanks for your comment..There are many types of addictions...The one I was writing about was sexual addiction...I had just gotten some news about a guy who professed to love me when we were in high school...When we were both free (in our 50s) He decided to hook up with a 33 year old woman with 2 young boys...(If someone can explain that ...Please ...because I had already raised my kids ...I'd never take that job on again by choice...(I was ready for me now)...They were together for 10 years ...her boys were teens and into drugs...They were ripping him off big time...so he kicked them out...momma followed soon after...He then found out he had stomach cancer...and no one to take care of him...I'm not touching that now...he made his choice...Guess my muse is pissed off...Kacee

( Posted by: nitz kitty [Member] On: August 6, 2008 )

Kacee's muse...
"screaming silently/ while being swallowed"..Indeed.

I'd clip, "as drugs"..but that's just me.

Looking up,
B

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: August 6, 2008 )

Pen and Bobby
Pen...Thanks for the Wowzer comment...I just go to where my muse takes me...Amost always a dark ride...I appreciate your comments...

Bobby.., Your comments mystify me...Just like your poetry...I love everything about your writing...You are right about "as drugs" ...It reads better without that...if I wasn't so darn lazy...I might change it...Kacee

( Posted by: Nitz Kitty [Member] On: August 6, 2008 )

Nitz Kitty?
Surprised and please to see you here. Like Pen and the others have said, I loved the imagery here, the snake slithering, beautiful....I think, this may be one of your best poems I have read yet. Loved it. Stopped in here for a moment lured my Vorpal while checking my email and could not resist reading you since it had been so long since I last talked to you via myspace.com email....so, I hope all is well, as Shannon stated. Hope your health is doing better. As for me, I am supposed to be on a medical leave of sorts (going through some surgery soon) from the Lit.Org, but like the cat curiosity always kills me. I am glad to have found this and you here...excellent work. Oh, yeah, like you, lately, today especially, I am not in the best of moods, sometimes those moods produce and spur good writing though, as in your case here. Blessings;-)

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: August 6, 2008 )

Good Job Kacee!
Kacee...so good to see you here again! This was so different for you...no typical crazy humor that we all expect from you...great job...loved this!

Bea

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: August 7, 2008 )

Lena, Eric, and Bea
I thank each of you for reading and commenting on my poem...

Lena...I'm always happy to see your comments...Uplifting and helpful...You are in my prayers and may your surgery be successful...Blessings...

Eric...My friend never married after his first divorce...I never wish vengeance or any kind of evil on anyone...I choose forgiveness instead and leave the rest to the Lord...All I was saying here was if he would have chosen the chubby lady of the same age...Me...none of these things would have happened to him...and I would never have left him in his time of need...

Bea...I would have loved to write a humorous poem but my muse took me to a darker side... possibly as a warning to others...and myself...think before you make choices...I can still hear Red Skeleton as the Bad Little Boy..."If I dood it, I'll get a wicken...I gonna dood it anyway..." Bless everyone at Lit...Kacee

( Posted by: Nitz Kitty [Member] On: August 7, 2008 )

Eric
Bravo to you...Most men by-pass the not so perky woman...

I love that story and would have loved to be in a closet...when he came bounding in the room only to find his (pretty soon to be ex) wife In the bed...HE WAS BUSTED!!! Hope she wasn't totting a gun...Kacee

( Posted by: nitz kitty [Member] On: August 8, 2008 )

Welcome back!
It's great to see you posting again, Kacee! And, as with the rest of them, I enjoyed this poem.

-Aubri

( Posted by: ArsPoet2789ica [Member] On: August 8, 2008 )

Aubri
Thanks for reading and commenting...I miss Lit when my muse doesn't have anything to say...I'm going to try to comment back...Haven't felt very well for awhile...Anemia has taken a lot outa me...Kacee

( Posted by: nitz kitty [Member] On: August 8, 2008 )

IS it evil
That you feel that way toward him? Is justice a good thing? Is that what this is . . . justice?

( Posted by: Undogg [Member] On: August 11, 2008 )

Undogg
Justice Undogg??? The moral to my story is for every choice you make, a consequence comes with it...This one chose the young one with the sexy body and two kids...The two kids stole from him to support their drug habits...and the mother left him in his time of need...

If he had chosen the older chubby woman with grown children...she wouldn't have left him...There you have it..

Thanks for reading and commenting...Kacee

( Posted by: nitz kitty [Member] On: August 11, 2008 )

Slither, the best word
I love the opening, it really launches a very specific idea, at least in my mind. I am not a true wordsmith, but two words, Evil Slithers... That says a whole paragraph in two words, conjurs thoughts that can go just about any direction in the mind. I think we all have our own ideas of what Evil is, but you pegged it, Evil slithers, that is a fact.

I could say more about the rest, but that opening line is THE ultimate.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: August 11, 2008 )

Lucie and BW
Thanks for stopping by to read and comment...

Lucie...I sometimes creep myself out...

BW...Evil Slithers passed me everyday...I try to hide from it...Kacee

( Posted by: nitz kitty [Member] On: August 12, 2008 )





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