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These days, wearing shades
He attends book tour readings
Cries discreetly.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Early Promise"
by MobiusSoul

MobiusSoul
Perhaps:

wearing shades these days
attending book tour readings
he cries discretely

..making it a 5/7/5

Good to read voice again..

Ciao,
RW

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: July 16, 2008 )

Thanks B7L
Reassuring to find one of the 'old guard' still here, and generous of you to read and comment. I toyed with balancing the syllables '... and cries discretely', but decided against it. Your 5-7-5 is better than mine, if balanced they must be.

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: July 18, 2008 )

Intriguing
An intriguing piece. I admire any writer by the way, who attempts such structured poetry. It's not at all easy, yet this is written so well.....Bravo!




Colin

( Posted by: colinbaker62 [Member] On: July 21, 2008 )

Mobius soul
Liked your 'KOO a lot. Good to read you again.

williamhill.

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: July 22, 2008 )

Thanks Colin, Williamhill
... for reading, getting it, commenting to that effect. Appreciated.

( Posted by: mobiussoul [Member] On: July 25, 2008 )

implication being
that there was a time he did none of these things, when he didn't wear dark glasses, attending readings or cry discreetly... he does now though, so, so much for early promise... I like that, how title dovetails with body, promise verses disappointment. not necessarily ‘cause promise was not fulfilled, but possibly ‘cause it was… I am doing my usual and over-reading again…

glad you came back, and sorry I missed you…

oh aye, and I don’t believe poets should do anything discreetly.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: July 31, 2008 )





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