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Here is a one-act I sat on a while. I decided to finish it.


Lights up women are rolling dice at the table calling out numbers.

Three ones…that’s a thousand …your on.
(Writes down score.)

No, I think that was a two. That’s two hundred (Rolls dice) shoot! It doesn't pay to cheat. I won't be judged badly for something as petty as cheating at dice.

How good of you, Sis. I would have given you the thousand. (She gathers the dice and rolls.) That’s another thousand. (Writes down the score each time they roll)

( Rolls dice)
Nothing… I never get on. This is nice Iil-sis, I think your doing very well- but you always were the strong one. It still very nice- very nice. I wish you would have allowed a longer gathering. You know for the community. You all but fed them and shoved them out.

It was a grand funeral. They only came for the food. There were flowers everywhere. I'm glad I couldn't smell them. I would have been sneezing up a storm and that would have ruined the eulogy. Oak box as shiny as an ice cube with fancy brass handles… man it is a pretty thing…got more padding than my own bed. They even had a choir singing 'Closer My God to Thee…Closer my God to thee' (Laughing then begins to sing in a falsetto voice. He sings melody to Rock Of Ages:)

Rock of ages sweet irony
How did this all come to be
All my friends and family
Who didn't give a damn
For the likes of me
Rock of ages don't mean to be rude
I think they were there just for the food.

I only knew a few people and most of them were old shipmates that I haven't seen in years. I'd lost touch with most of them. I hope they came to remember the good times we had together. The rest were hers…telling her she is better off without me. That's the way life is. You have friends that you see all the time … then for small petty reasons and little bitty irks they go away …or you do. Like treasure thrown back into the sea. Everyone with an opinion about who you are.(Pause)
Even the Bishop, for God's sake, comes out and says a few words…imagine that… Me… having a Bishop there…uh? She is afraid of secrets, my wife. That’s why no real wake… just a polite gathering.
(Stands and walks towards the women.)
Look at these two, like bookends… this ones my wife, Joanne…till death did we part… this piece-o-work is my sister-in law, Adelene. When these two were younger they were both knockouts. When they swiveled by… every man seein' 'em would have to hoist their tongues out of the dirt, beg Ole one - eye to stay down. Both should have been in pictures, movies…that’s the kind of pretty I'm talking about. Pretty is the thing a few young people own and just for a short while. If it isn't used it blows away.
It is funny that when it's all-new, with a girl, it has everything going. Man, you can't wait to see them, hold em, talk to em. Christ, you think if you don't hear their voice you'll explode…touch em smell their hair and kiss their lips. The first time I saw her naked it seared in my brain forever. Not a memory- a tattoo…permanent- locked in my libido like a switch. I did, sadly, lose that along the way. I picked my girl, here, because I had never been with such a beautuful woman and who adored me. It was like I was the only man in the world. And I'll tell you I wasn't much. What in the world did she find in me? I could have married either one. Not that any of it matters. They're both crazy as loons now. And all that heat and need falls away to terrible habit or some hard fought rules of behavior. There is, however, something to be said for that. What is wrong with predictability?

(Rolls dice.) One hundred…(Rolls dice.) Three fifty. Sometimes you can win with 350. It's predictable and safe.

Yes, you can. Slow and steady. (She takes the dice and rolls) Darn it. I can never get on. You watch …you'll be up to eight thousand and I'll have nothing. It always happens.

(Rolls dice) 600…it was nice wasn't it?

(Takes the dice and rolls) There, what do you know …2000…that is nice

(Rolls dice.) I mean, the flowers and all. The Bishop eulogy was really nice. I'll take 400.

Nice of the Diocese to kick in for the flowers…

…And the coffin….

…and the food. Although, Dear Sister, your Jerk chicken always makes the hit. (Pause, pursed face.) I thought the eulogy was a bit over the top. (Rolls) 400.

Why? You wrote it. (Rolls) 500

I did not-what a thing to say. I only gave the poor man an outline so he wouldn't make a fool of himself. Lord, he was sweating so-and drunk as a pig. Sweet Mary I thought he was going to have a heart attack. Besides - you forced the bishop's hand. (Rolls dice) I got nothing! Zero! Zip! Nada!

It was the least the old fraud could do. (Rolls several times)350, 350, 350. Still, he didn't have to do it. My husband wasn't his most favorite person.


(Rolls) 450. Yes he most certainly did have to do what you asked.. Well, bless his little tiny heart, that's all past. Regrets can wear on us so- we confess the sin for heavens sake but we still live here and those events, in which we played some less than honorable part, still lives. That is grace, isn't it? A bishop must present the show of grace even if he processes none of his own.

(Both women giggle. Adeline crosses herself but can't stop laughing.)

(Standing by the table with hands behind his back.)

The game they are playing is called a lot of different names, depends on what part of the world…Zonk, Ten-thousand, Zilch.

(Rolls) Naught,Zonk, Zilch

( Re.Writes down score.)

You have six dice…you have to roll a five …worth fifty…or a one… a hundred. You accumulate points by rolling the other die. If you don't roll a five or one you Zonk. Three of a number is a hundred times the number…three fours equals 400…three sixes equals six-hundred. Three ones, however, is a thousand. Four of a kind doubles the three score. Four fives equals a thousand. And so on. If you roll six of a kind you win. It's the way life works…you roll and you hope that the decision you make is the right one. It almost never is. But it will lead you down interesting new roads. One never knows where the wind will blow you.

More at

Why is doing what you love the hardest thing to do? Is it because failing what you thought defined you would be too devastating a thing from which to recover? If so, we stay where mere accident has left us.

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The following comments are for "ZONK!"
by jonpenny

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