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Although it has been widely preached by political curmudgeons everywhere that it is foolish to remove a wartime president, I cast my ballot in 2004 (also foolishly) for Senator John Kerry, hard-talking man of a thousand intensely complicated solutions for problems a capable eight year-old would solve daily before it had its afternoon shit. Junior needed to go that bad, and although I was then and remain skeptical of the system's functionality, I decided to try and have a little faith. I saw politically motivated rock festivals with voter registration booths on-site, peaceful and violent demonstrations across the country, protesters of the war blocking an entire freeway in the Bay Area to get their point across...and nothing happened. A member of the Bush family still sits in the highest office of our nation, using the Constitution as TP and masturbating into the American flag. All bipartisan sentiment aside, I really hate Ralph Nader. Not because he affects the vote "negatively" for the Asses, Not because he's got about as much of a shot of winning as a monkey surviving a meat grinder yet still enters the race in the home stretch...not even for his personal politics and promotion of unrealistic policy (demilitarization, for one). I believe that this man is a bastard because he is a career politician/activist within a system that could give a fuck about him in the long run, and for actually buying into the "Democracy" we supposedly live in enough to throw his immensely undersized hat into the ring so late in the campaign. Unfortunately for us, Democracy was failing long before folks like LBJ brought Vietnam down on us, and it's been nothing but different reincarnations of the same evil beast since then; just bigger dogs with mutant fleas that eat baby seals like popcorn shrimp. The fatal flaw of the third party is that no matter how hard they pound the pavement, how much their hippie constituents shell out to support their run, they can never build up the momentum to take control of an election. Considering the choices offered this November by the Big Two, however, people across the land might be clawing their way to the outlying minorities with knives in their teeth and no legs. Hillary Clinton is the Anti-Christ wrapped crudely in a poorly made cat suit, and if elected would have driven us to the worst Hell this country has ever seen in the express lane*. John McCain cannot seem to distance himself from the policies of the current administration or his personal digressions from acceptable behavior**, and therefore will never be trustworthy. A friend of mine heard the story of McCain talking to the House of Representatives and telling someone on the floor to go fuck himself, and subsequently said to me, "Hell, that almost makes me want to vote for him". Given the source, I doubt he would ever even consider the notion, but Christ help us if people with these sort of opinions are the swing votes drawn out to the polls this year***. Barack Obama's Kennedy-esque policy and appeal might just land him in the White House, that is if he doesn't catch a bullet in the head from some staunch, right-wing Nazi screaming about niggers and socialism. In any scenario, someone new is casing Pennsylvania Avenue, and all of us will be subjected to the whims of the fallout.

This country has become a wasteland, an ever-spinning cesspool of lies, ignorance, and rampant stupidity. The sad bit is, I don't think any of you truly see what I see. You don't see your own madness and depravity rising to the surface, consuming you slowly. Do you understand what a train wreck you've become, America? Your tri-colored heart has nearly bled out, and even hinting at national pride is a detriment to your character anywhere else in the world but here. You helped make politics into the monster it is today during the last two elections. All you proved during that time was your susceptibility to hubris and deception force fed to you by the Associated Press and government officials. You're getting fatter by the second, but asking if you can see this is futile. If you did, you might realize it was your fault that your greasy sausage mitts couldn't hold on to that piping hot cup of coffee because you ate too many McBiscuits and apple pies. You also might come to understand that your pending lawsuit won't change your waist size or remove the scars from your urethra. The American Dream truly is fucked sideways. It has become the uncompromising, violent, and usually reckless pursuit of excess. A lottery jackpot of five thousand dollars means a lot more when you spent ten thousand to get it; drinking and doing blow until 9 AM isn't nearly as impressive until you mention that you started two days before that in a different state. Living in this fashion is precarious, many times downright foolish, but all of us do it in one form or another, socially acceptable or not. Especially in the heart of the beast, the city nightlife, the truly observant are forced to realize their physical limitations, the measure of their willpower, and their ability to reason. Some find serenity and well-being, others tragic mental scarring, a trip to the slammer, or perhaps the opportunity to watch their own personal Hell unfold before them in a spiral of poverty and regret. All they are then is a scumbag, five dollars on their debit card and three more in pocket change, who travels to the liquor store or wherever they go and hope the charge goes through. They'll go home to a shitty apartment in the bad part of town and flip on the TV to watch the game show world's latest cash cow/bastard party where nearly all the hopefuls walk out of the studio holding not a check for a million dollars, but a case of Turtle Wax, or maybe a consolation check worth just a little less than the plane ticket they had to pay for out of pocket to be on the damn show-just like they were born to. Like we were all born to.

The heart of the problem, I feel, is the human need for constant recognition of your virtues, your inexplicable complusion to be on top of the heap. So the rich hire shrinks, financial planners, yogis, gurus, palm readers, etc., and beg everyone else to applaud them for being such an "indispensible member of their community", then they ask for more. Their consumeristic needs dictate their everyday interactions in their conscious and subconscious, and the way I see it, it's ritualistic and willful insanity and self-mutilation. Your own destruction or survival is in your hands and you squander your time planning every last second of your narcissistic life, oblivious to the sheer amount of time you've wasted trying to be someone else, if only for a minute. The middle and lower classes get too hammered to understand basic English, plan ahead very little, and vote Democrat because it makes them feel better about what they do with themselves everyday. Plus, they get to feel like they're "fighting the machine". What happened to existing inside and outside the box in equal measure? That's the root of this...the inability of Americans to compromise with one another (or anyone else) without sucking each other's cocks. It makes me sick to think that this country has allowed itself to fall so far. The upcoming election only makes matters worse. It's certainly a new low for humanity, the unrelenting bastardization of everything we place value upon, and things only seem to be getting worse. (By the way, all of you psychopaths who get sucked in by this self-destructive cycle of consumerism and self-glorification are fucking zombies to me...try to eat me and I'll tear your goddamn eyelids off, infection or no infection). So I say this to you, American consumer sluts: Live life in excess, ignore all possibilities that someday all these poor decisions will catch up with you and the rest of us, and don't vote. If you do, flesh-eating beetles will be released in your homes and will have finished with most of you by the morning, and John McCain will be elected in a landslide because you fucks couldn't keep it together long enough to vote for someone who isn't a complete tool. You have all just grown a bulls-eye...filthy undead pieces of shit.


*-Since the first draft of this column, Hillary Clinton has officially endorsed Barack Obama as the Democratic nominee and dropped out of the race. Personally, the last two weeks before that announcement was made, I sweat blood the consistency of E-Z Cheez.

**-(On the campaign trail, when McCain's wife commented that his hair was "looking a little thin on top): "At least I don't paint my face up like a trollup, you cunt".

***-There is also talk now of McCain's preacher fully endorsing him, not because he's a great man or a solid, respectable leader, but because he believes McCain will bring about the prophecies of Armageddon found in the Book of Revelation (more specifically, the stories in the Book of Ezekial), a holy war which is to take place in modern-day Iran. This will be addressed in full in a later column.


The following comments are for "My Feelings on the Undead"
by jackhall1984

you have broken the guidelines, you very vulgar language I don't know why they let you post this, good story but the vulgarities mess it up

( Posted by: peperethefleabag [Member] On: July 5, 2008 )

RE: guidelines
Dear Gentle Reader,
I appreciate your feedback (as much as it can be), and I would encourage you to read my next post, although the format will not be altered. The truth is ugly and cold, and should be delivered as such. Try reading between the expletives.


( Posted by: jackhall1984 [Member] On: July 7, 2008 )

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