Ballad of Unity
by TAMMYHENDRIX (Member) - published: June 25, 2008
Word Count: 205 Word Bytes: 1624 Viewed: 241 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by TAMMYHENDRIX

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Ballad of Unity

Here in this place
of superficial solidarity
Illusions play tricks
upon those who assume.

Sundials in angles
that bare false witness
For their definitions
have no true worth.

They are but comforts
to ones with no inclinations.
Providing a sense of order
A measure for accomplishments.

There is no way to define
a truth hidden beneath
thin layers of false learnings
for Souls that will not seek it.

But for some; for a few
enlightenment was embedded
even before conception
gave birth to deceit.

Armed with an awareness
not accepted by most
These few have no choice
but to listen; to hear; to feel; to know.

Just as abruptly as deceit
sets the stage of masquerades
In sync are the violations
of Testimonies...often unwanted.

These....Testimonies are of the surreal
Fantastic possible impossibilities
They are the truthful witness
by which all else is defined as untruths.

Testimonies are spoken
in universal languages.
Actuality is what lays dormant
beneath shallow efforts.

Penetration leaves me void
to the superficiality
Yet the void is thick with implications
of profound Celestial views

There is no solidarity
there is only one..
There is only you; only me; only us.
We are the one. We are the unity.

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Comments

The following comments are for "Ballad of Unity"
by TAMMYHENDRIX

Tammy's ballad
The bad news: this is not a ballad. A ballad is lyrical; a ballad is a song. This is a series of affirmations, and it reads like oratorial prose.
To support my opinion that this is a series of affirmations, I count 16 occurences, total, of the verbs "to have" and "to be". When eulogies are delivered as "he was a kind man, he was a generous man, the series of "to be" verbs is fine, but not in a poem that purports to be a ballad. Sorry. Poetry has images. This has statements made with intellectualized abstractions, ideas, rather than thoughts and feelings. Every four lines (in poetry, if it were poetry, it would be a stanza) state something which remains vague as it is open to discussion. For example, "there is no way to define a truth hidden behind thin layers of false learnings". I read that and I say "okay, fine, so?" the fact that truth hides, here, is not an image. Truth hides is too trite to be considered an image. Same for the fact that false learnings have a thin layer. I need more. I need to know which truth, where and how the poet found it, what is an example of a false learning, all wrapped into images of truth and images of thin. Poetry does better if it is philosophy-inspired, reather than philosphy-laden.

The good news: the message is strong. And, the final four lines deliver something zen where poetry would have some elbow room of its own...

This is the first thing I'm reading today after a long absence from here. Maybe I'll discover something else you wrote and maybe it will speak to me differently than this does.

Thank you for posting these carefully distilled ideas.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: June 25, 2008 )

LUCIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello Lucie,

Thank you for your opinion and comment. However, I have NO clue what you've said! NONE! I am far from educated in the technicalities of writing. I just pour on paper what comes from within. And this is a mere...what?....20-30 minute piece that I just allowed to come out. Ok so it's a series of affirmations? So what title are saying I should have listed this under? Here's the deal...it FEELS poetic to me so that's what I title it. You have other suggestions?...feel free.

"Every four lines (in poetry, if it were poetry, it would be a stanza) state something which remains vague as it is open to discussion." This ENTIRE piece IS vague and open for discussion! Others, I intended, are too apply it to themselves and go from there.

"For example, "there is no way to define a truth hidden behind thin layers of false learnings". I read that and I say "okay, fine, so?" This is meant to inspire contemplation in the reader! Not all of us are SO obviously superior in intellect as to be in a position to remark, "okay, fine, so?" Some of us feel ourselves to be a continuous "student" in life as appose to those who behave in a mannor as to DECLARE themselves to be THE TEACHER.

"the fact that truth hides, here, is not an image." WASN'T meant to be! It is to inspire thought! That's all! Nothing deeper than that.

"Truth hides is too trite to be considered an image. Same for the fact that false learnings have a thin layer." I'll be honest...I had to look up the meaning of "trite" and here it is according to Webster's:

"hackneyed or boring from much use : not fresh or original"

YOU ARE KIDDING RIGHT! since when is truth too "trite", boring, not original?! There are just as many definitions of truth as there are human beings walking this earth and THAT is NOT boring...it seems to me that it is closer to THE DEFINITION OF ORIGINAL!

"I need more. I need to know which truth, where and how the poet found it," ANY TRUTH! USE some imagination and apply as you see fit!

"what is an example of a false learning, all wrapped into images of truth and images of thin. Poetry does better if it is philosophy-inspired, reather than philosphy-laden." IT IS philosophy inspired...inspired by EXPERIENCE! And through MY life's experiences THIS is how I view and question life. I did not just pile on some bulls@#t random meaningless thoughts.

Now as far as the definition of ballad...yea it's a song but....here's another definition for you as per Webster's Dictionary AND Encyclopedia Britannica:

Types of balladry > Literary ballads
The earliest literary imitations of ballads were modeled on broadsides, rather than on folk ballads. In the early part of the 18th century, Jonathan Swift, who had written political broadsides in earnest, adapted the style for several jocular bagatelles. Poets such as Swift, Matthew Prior, and William Cowper in the 18th century and Thomas Hood, W.M. Thackeray, and Lewis Carroll…

A verse stanza common in English ballads that consists of two lines in ballad metre, usually printed as a four-line stanza with a rhyme scheme of abcb, as in The Wife of Usher's Well, which begins:

There lived a wife at Usher's Well,
And a wealthy wife was she;
She had three stout and stalwart sons,
And sent them o'er the sea.

Now...no my piece here did not follow the common rhyme but that's not all a poetry ballad is.

I want to thank you for disecting my work here and so vividly and openly proving how STUPID I am when it comes to writing! Apparently I am mistaken in believing I had something to say! If I don't know what I'm talking about I should just shut up, right!

Personally...I would have taken a kinder approach such as...

It's a strong message but did you know....?

Thanks LUCIE!

( Posted by: TAMMYHENDRIX [Member] On: June 25, 2008 )

My response to you Lucie
...I wanted to make CERTAIN that you got my response. I started it so long ago that it's pretty far down the comment column. DON"T want you to miss it!

( Posted by: TAMMYHENDRIX [Member] On: June 25, 2008 )

Tammy
I will return to explain my comment at some point, but likely not today.

I call it as I see it no matter where I comment.

I am an arrogant bitch. Ask a few members here and they will confirm it.

I am done with making excuses for my education.

Feel free to comment on my work any way you want to.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: June 26, 2008 )

Lucie
There's no need for you to explain your education Lucie. BUT there is also no need to address comments on others posts in such a belittling way. So your more educated than I....I have no problem with that. I AM the first to admit I'm not all that smart. And you being educated IS something to be proud of. But is it SO necessary to RUB it in everybody's face?

There ARE others on this AND other sites that will tell you that I ASK for help BECAUSE I know that I DON'T know anything about proper writing techniques. But Lucie...don't attack me! Advice ABSOLUTELY YES!!!! I NEED IT. And would be truly grateful to get it from those WITH experience like yourself. But don't treat me like I'm STUPID. THAT pisses me off!!!

I DO NOT want to make enemies with anyone here by no means and I WOULD very much value educated constructive criticism but all I ask from ANY human being is RESPECT! THAT'S ALL!

So... to respond...I TOO call it as I see it! And I'm gonna let you and anyone else that cares to know I have NO problem with telling the truth. So...with that in mind...I have to agree to your honesty on being arrogant. But I DO have respect so I would NOT call you a bitch. This, I think, is just a case of...I'm sorry but...a "holier than thou" complex. If I am mistaken...well then I do apologize.

"I am done with making excuses for my education."
Now if we're talking about an issue of having to DEFEND yourself...Lucie...been there; done that and still continue to defend my LACK of education.
Just because I did not attain some degree does not make me stupid and I'M tired of having to defend MYSELF in that area. So that I DO understand.

Lucie...all I ask from anyone is EXACTLY what I give...respect!

Patiently waiting your response.

( Posted by: TAMMYHENDRIX [Member] On: June 26, 2008 )

valuable comments
I'm on my way to London this morning but read this while waiting for my ride. Tammie - Lucie has provided me (high school dropout) with priceless feedback with a generous heart. I admire Lucie's education and know she acquired it while managing a career and a family. I'll be the first to tell you I didn't even know what a metaphor was although I had no problem using them constantly while writing poetry.

Sure, there have been times when I was a bit clueless as to Lucie's comments but knew it was because I had a lot to learn. I NEVER once felt she was talking down to me and believed ALWAYS that the feedback she offered was because she cares.

To me, it's a long road .. this learning curve and I've always appreciated input to help me be a better writer.

Cheers
Pen

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: June 26, 2008 )

Masterpiece

Isn’t it awful when you put time and effort perfecting a masterpiece and it isn’t quite applauded the way you intended?

I admit I didn’t actually read it… I have a skewered approach, normally reading the comments first starting with authors I respect…..which will usually lead me into the good stuff.

Eric

Eric

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: June 26, 2008 )

I don't know from ballads
I do know this says something to me ...It may not be what you intended it to mean but I'm weird and read my own thoughts into others poetry...I am a very simple minded (not stupid ) person...I see here that time means nothing if not spent with someone you love...Short and to the point...Kacee

( Posted by: nitz kitty [Member] On: June 26, 2008 )

thick skin
Tammy

You need to thicken your skin. First off; Lucie never called you stupid-she never flaunted her education- all she did was give you a critique. You can accept it in the spirit that it was given or throw it in the wastebasket but there is no need to chastise one who has read your work and commented on it. Her critique was a solid one -meant to help not to hinder or insult you. I know criticism hurts- (in this case it was an honest crit done with good intentions)) learn from it, laugh and move on.

thick skin-thick skin- writing and put your work out there requires it.

my warmest
bob

( Posted by: rcallaci [Moderator] On: June 26, 2008 )

Tammy
I was going to, in good faith, expand on my comment to you, but now I have decided to divest myself from such an effort. I'm not much for commenting on comments anyway, preferring to comment on the actual work.
I will say that this piece of yours might have been more appropriately categorized as "opinion" or "essay", because it is a text of ideas. Poetry, on the other hand, is a text of evocations.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Pen, Eric, Kacee and Bob for their input as well here, in my defense.

Also, Tammy, please know that you and I are more alike than different. We write. And, I bet, we are both worth getting to know.

I'll start: I don't take myself seriously. But I do take my poetry, and, truthfully, ALL poetry seriously.

Between you and me and the comment post, though, here are some facts:

1- Penelope: after all the years I spent on University schoolbenches getting gobbledegook intellectual comments on my writing from nerdy students like myself, I had the extreme good fortune to land my arrogant ass here and meet Penelope, whose comments on my work far exceed, in quality and in content, many of the academic comments I ever received. Penelope and I once did a vast project together. We each wrote 2000 lines of poetry to submit to a contest, and we would comment on each other's exerpts as we each went through the process of drafting them. There were days when we exchanged dozens of emails over that endeavour! Penelope is tirelessly astute in her commenting, and, whether her feedback is laudatory or not, it is always constructive. Penelope would tell me "Lucie this doesn't do it for me" and then she'd say why not, and, because she was (is?) an editor on poetry magazines, I would always listen up carefully and be open to her helpful suggestions.

2- Eric: I've told Eric once or twice or three times that he's no poet, that he's a versifier, a prosodist I guess you call it in English, and what does Eric say? Yeah, well (or whatever the British version of "yeah, well" is) my brother Ivor is the poet. And as for Eric's comments, you would think that if I decided he's no poet, then I might decide his comments on poetry posted here are not worth reading, but on the contrary! Eric's "life experience" comments are something I always read with great interest. Further, I like the idea of "relatedness", which Eric gets. When Eric says something about "this reminds me of...", I listen up carefully, because I know I am about to be gifted with another example of how there are threads common to all human experience.

3- Kacee: She's fun and funny and sees levity as time well spent. She's a good, kind, loving and beautiful person, and her unique relationship with poetry is a showcase in itself! She also sees clearly, and it just all around feels good to be in her presence.

4- Bob: Well, Bob is a moderator around here, and I get intimidated with authority figures, but I know that he's a writer too, and experiences the same inner turmoils as I do, and as all writers do. Bob writes stuff I don't understand very well, and have trouble entering into and so, often, I don't comment on his work, but that's only because it's over my head. Bob is prolific, and it is obvious that he has reverence for the creative process that goes into writing.

By the way, I never said truth is trite, I said truth hides is trite.

And it's like Bob said, take it or leave it, Tammy. It's just an opinion...

Oh, I almost forgot, I got a PM from somebody, telling me that you are very sensitive. I know that. So am I. We're writers. If we weren't sensitive, we wouldn't write.

Please forgive me for provoking you, and offending you, and I forgive you for misunderstanding me.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: June 27, 2008 )

2 cents
You already know what I think of your post so I'll just join in on the topic.

I am of two minds about this, Tammy. I think you have every right to feel defensive about what you have written but I still believe Lucie meant no harm. She has never left harsh criticism and don't see why she would start now.

When I first joined lit, Lucie offered advice on a poem and it was actually good advice. I removed the poem recently to re-write it. As authors of our work, we tend to think we are brilliant only to have someone come along and tell us we're not. It hurts but, if we take an honest look at our work, we'll realize the other person might just be right.

Bob's thick skin comment was actually good advice. Take Shannon, for example, he is as sensitive as they come but he has learned to accept criticism for what it is: Someone else's opinion.

I left Literarymary because they were telling me HOW to write my poems - not because I didn't like their critiques. I hope you stay on lit and grow with the rest of us, because that is what we're they're for after all.

( Posted by: desvelado [Member] On: June 27, 2008 )

Too Lucie and everyone else
...I don't know what's wrong with me, especially lately. Even now I just.............I can hardly see the keyboard to type. I can't for the life of me stop crying. Been this way for a while now.
Day to day situations are tearing me up and for the past couple nights the nightmares have returned full throttle. I can't seem to get a grasp on my emotions much less understand them. What I'm trying to say is if I have offended anyone...I am sorry. And YES all input is welcomed and always has been. I just...?....I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Just please forgive me, all of you.

And to you Lucie,

I have, since I was very young, been a....?....defender of sorts. Whether its defending family, friends, my children whatever...I just get instantly overcome with...?... inner conflict, I guess is the term, that instantly catapults me into that, "oh no your not gonna hurt this one, back the f@#k off" type mode. Although I do this more often for concern of others I do react this way in defense of myself. I have come to recognize that more often than not after these...?...fits? I step aside and look at myself and the situation and realize....perhaps I am wrong.

Lucie...I am wrong. I offer you my sincerest ap...shit! I need some tissue I'll be back

Okay...as I was saying I do from the bottom of my heart apologize. I'd be lying if I said that I don't still feel a little tender about your remarks but I don't think your intentions were...?.....harmful; purposeful in inflicting ill will. I have read all others input and it is obvious that your not as negative a presence as took you to be. I do admire your ability and willingness to start over. This certainly would not have been the first time I lost a possible friend or possible relationship from my ridiculous behavior. Problems relaxing being my self-destructive cause. I am embarrassed for my behavior. I feel so...?...juvenile! Hell the most part I always do.

Anyway, sorry to go on and on. Another one of my bad habits...the constant need to explain myself about everything and to everyone.

I would very much like to start over. And I don't want you or anyone else to feel reluctant to comment or advise on my works. All I ask is for all to keep in mind that if I should go off like this again...?...what just....don't take me seriously and by all means please point out my behavior to me....I MEAN THAT!

Well again to all...I am truly asking your forgiveness for my out of control behavior.

Sincerely
Tammy

( Posted by: TAMMYHENDRIX [Member] On: June 27, 2008 )

Tammy
Hugs.

More hugs.

See you later!

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: June 27, 2008 )

Guts
Hi Tammy

It takes guts to admit you are wrong certainly in front of everyone...

My strong point is clinging on to the bitter end with my own belief....

But thats ok because I am never wrong???

Eric......

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: June 27, 2008 )

Eric...
Thank you...

I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong and...if I'm going to be open enough; bold enough; disrespectful enough; offended enough, what ever the case may be, to do it in any public forum then it's only right that I apologize in the same manner, ya know?

So...having said that...I do apologize for going off on you. Although I have to be honest, it wasn't over some comment to me directly....I just...I have a problem with men. That's the only thing I know to say?...I'm a little....?....
I don't know...you've got an odd sense of humor it seems to me. But apparently other people understand you. Now...I'm not saying that I won't freak out and go off on you, (or anyone else for that matter), but....if I do...just tell me to shut the f@#k up! Best advice I can offer.
I do think it's interesting how even though I've made it obvious that I had issues with you that you seem to have..?....ignored them.

Thanks Eric

JEEZ!!! if I dig myself into ANOTHER hole any time soon and have to do more groveling to get out?...think I'll just superglue my fingers together to stay out of trouble!

( Posted by: TAMMYHENDRIX [Member] On: June 27, 2008 )

Real Men
Hi Tammy

No real need to say sorry to me I wasn't offended or anything....

There re still a few "Good Men" around so dont loose hope...

I couldn't live without a good woman... I need some one to share with...out with the Boys isn't my style...

I admit at one time being sexist and turning down a number of women recruits who wanted to join the Army in REME what I saw as a Mans Career (Engineering) I hate to think back to it.. now I would probably encourage them.

On the other hand I prefer female nurses to male ones.... Not that I need nursing ...yet

See no one can tell you what is right and what wrong...they just point out their own view. If you then want to modify your own opinion ...fine

Eric

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: June 27, 2008 )

To Friends & Fun
Thank you all...Love Tammy

( Posted by: TAMMYHENDRIX [Member] On: June 27, 2008 )

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