Sort of Sunday Villanelle
by AuldMiseryGuts (Member) - published: June 10, 2008
Word Count: 111 Word Bytes: 834 Viewed: 161 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by AuldMiseryGuts

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Sky tolerates sun, only just
Walk along the towpath, leaving
our footprints in downtrodden dust.

It has to rain, you say, it must
Air is sultry, warm, deceiving
Sky tolerates sun, only just.

And me, a mess of sweat and lust
Lean on you, my loose legs weaving
Our footprints in downtrodden dust.

Your thin skirt lifts in sudden gust
Chest rises, with laugher, heaving
Sky tolerates sun, only just.

Could kiss you now, betray your trust
But what would I be achieving
Our footprints in downtrodden dust.

Sudden thunder in drunk disgust
Sends you running, leaves me grieving
Sky tolerates sun, only just
Our footprints in downtrodden dust.

------
The human race, the only race I know where everybody loses.

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Comments

The following comments are for "Sort of Sunday Villanelle"
by AuldMiseryGuts

Dust a plenty
I do not know much about the villanelle form. I am learning to really like the meter and even tho it follows a set pattern the format seems very open and without boundaries. If I say this is one of the best I've read it is not because I know what a good villanelle is. But I like it for the natural scenery you've captured -- a perfect scene for the title.

Me here in the desert, 2nd stanza hits home. "It has to rain, you say, it must". Yep, we pray for rain often, waiting for the July monsoons to hit. I sneeze and dust flies out, I cry dirt clods, its so hot here we don't even have misquitos (until the rains come).

Very good, inspires me, teases the senses. Now I wish for Sunday to go walking.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: June 11, 2008 )

heh!
I think you've caught the villanelle bug Shannon!
This is very YOU! What I felt was that it came across as slightly witty and debauched and wondered if it was the rhyming format that lightened the mood. No matter, it's thoroughly enjoyable.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: June 14, 2008 )

Very Clever
Hi AMG

If I didn’t know better I would say you stole that....

One of us is getting cleverer either it is me.. for starting to understand ..or you for writing stuff I can understand.

I doubt that it is me…. Thanks for entertaining me with a piece I can relate to… except for:-

“Could kiss you now, betray your trust”

I say balls “In for a Penny-In for a Pound”…do it and work on the consequences later… As you go on to say… she ran off anyways!

Eric

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: June 14, 2008 )

cheers
thanks BW, wasn't sure about this and still not. the dust, I suppose, is really only dirt and grit, but that doesn't sound as good. glad this could evoke something for someone at least...

Pen, thank you. I take a villanelle compliment from yourself to the bank...

Eric, not sure if that's a compliment or not... but I'll take what I can get ;) ... if I actually followed through on anything, I wouldn't be me. I'd be happier, but I wouldn't be me... actually, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing...

thanks all.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: June 14, 2008 )

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