From an open window
by icemoon (Member) - published: May 30, 2008
Word Count: 60 Word Bytes: 431 Viewed: 116 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by icemoon

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I could see from an open window
in a field a dead child waltzing with fire,
her eyes followed a swallow
into deaths gates of sapphire.

I heard from an open window
a childs half-haunted screams
shatter the panes to
slice open my feverish dreams.

In a wounded reverie
a child visits me
we waltz towards
the threshold of eternity.

------
whoever you are come forth these are the days that must happen to you.

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Comments

The following comments are for "From an open window"
by icemoon

not so much
a poem as a vision, the kind of prophetic dream mystics and scryers used to have… that’s what this put me in mind of…

arresting visuals with many layers of possible interpretation and meaning… something almost Biblical about this. interesting read.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: May 31, 2008 )

interesting read...
Very interesting read...

I could visualize this read that happens every now and then but this one here has so sort of truth ringing in it to me. could be taaken literal or as the dult to the cild inside of us and even as a warning...this piece is haunting and seems sacred and possibly telling.

interesting read indeed.

( Posted by: LMJ [Member] On: June 1, 2008 )

word repeat
Sometimes it's a good thing when a word is doubled or tripled. I found that in this instance it might have been wiser to choose another dance for the finale. It's only because I found this poem powerful that I chose to comment - for what it's worth.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: June 1, 2008 )

thanks
thanks everyone for your comments-i wrote this after reading charlotte mews-i wish it was on a par with her work,penelope can you suggest a different dance for the last verse?-barry

( Posted by: icemoon [Member] On: June 1, 2008 )

back atcha
Oddly enough the word that sprang to mind when I read this was 'shuffle' which is a dance as well as describing movement. However, it may not be the mood you were intending.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: June 1, 2008 )

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