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The Party
I was 13 years old when the intervention occurred. It was a Saturday. It was also one of the too numerous to mention times I ran away from home. I found it necessary to run away every weekend. I look back and think how ironic it was to feel safer out in the "unknown" than I felt in my own house. However, evil has a way of finding it's target no matter where one may hide from it.
It took until age 31 for me to realize the seriousness of the situation; of the dangers.
My naive mind had no clue at 13.
I could barely fathom still at 31 and to this very day I hold extreme resentment towards myself for being so stupid; so unaware; so trusting.
My "runaway home" was only a few blocks from where I lived. There were at any given time at least 8-10 people there. Many times even more. Guys all over the place. These guys proclaimed to be my so called "friends." They were always nice to me. They talked to me all the time. Always seemed interested in what ever I had to say. Always polite, kind and they held open doors for me all the time. WOW.... now THESE really are my friends, I thought. They wouldn't bother if they weren't, right?
As I stated before it was Saturday. One of them, (won't mention any names), came to me and asked if I wanted to go to a "party"
or so he called it. To this day I don't understand why I said yes. I, in fact, didn't "party." At that time I didn't drink; I didn't smoke weed, I was a "good girl." So...why yes? When he asked me I felt no reason for concern.
But that changed instantly. He and I walked to his car. He got in the driver's side and I attempted to get in the passenger side. However another one of my so called "friends" surprised me when he came up behind me and said he wanted to sit in the front. I can sit in the back. Ok...no problem. I didn't mind sitting in the back seat. However I became a little uncomfortable when I got in the back and was followed by yet another "friend." I never saw him coming. Then I turned to my left upon hearing the left door open. Yes...another one. So there I was in a car with two "friends" in the front and two "friends" sitting on each side of me. A feeling of being trapped came over me. But, again, me being the ignorant, naive, STUPID 13 year old GIRL that I was just blew it off. After all I had nothing to be afraid of. They were my friends, right?
We arrived at the house where the "party" was. Standing at the door we waited for our host to answer. While standing there I took a look around me. Each one of my "friends" had a look on their faces that should have clued me into what was about to happen. I get so angry now with myself that I didn't catch on. How could I so be so careless as to put myself in that situation.
Again he knocked on the door. But no one answered. It quickly became obvious that more than one of them was a little frustrated.
My "friend" that asked me to go in the first place turned to me and gave me a slight smile. And then he looked at his buddies and said, "God damn it! I just talked to him and told him we were coming. Fucker said he wanted to party!" And with that...we left. Less than a mile away, we went back to my safe place; my "runaway home."
The girl that lived there in just simple conversation happened to mention that I WAS THE PARTY! And still.....I just didn't get it! I did not understand what they were up to. I didn't understand what she meant by me being the party.
Oh what a great judge of character I am. All of them; every single one of them....my friends?!
At 31 reality SLAPPED me in the face. HARD!! For the first time the feeling of fear came over me. 18 YEARS LATER.
After the initial shock of the implications of the situation subsided.....the feeling of wonder....
what kept that guy from answering the door?
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Grown-Up Pretending
