Lastly
by williamhill (Member) - published: April 28, 2008
Word Count: 152 Word Bytes: 960 Viewed: 101 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by williamhill

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If I could close them before next sunrise
Lay both at my feet without slightest sound
I may never again with sinner's eyes

Stoop so low, run so slow, to my demise
Or circle dark, or steep, or table round
If I could close them before next sunrise

Under cover let me extend, revise
Remarks I've made of Heaven lost and found
I may never again with sinner's eyes

Turn over sheafs of leaves anew whose guise
Is bare, transparent and most bloody wound
If I could close them before next sunrise

How stark my sleep, my keep is no surprise
Of dreams, of 'mares and larks, a shriek unbound
I may never again with sinner's eyes

To doubt, doubt twice or more at least unwise
Tell me now at noon whom you would have crowned
I may never again with sinner's eyes
If I could, close them. before next sunrise.

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Comments

The following comments are for "Lastly"
by williamhill

Lastly

I am not alone in speaking for the masses with a thumbs up for excellence in this yet another William Hill wordcraft master work.

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: April 28, 2008 )

twice doubt
Decided to return from my self imposed exhile for this poem because it got me thinking of my one sided relationship with organized religion.

Enjoyed the matter-of-factness in this poem and curious line breaks: The last line of the first stanza left me hanging for a second before getting to stanza two. It was an "ah..." moment for me and an enviable one.

Its dreamlike quality left me wanting more and wondering why I ever considered a Lit vacation.

( Posted by: desvelado [Member] On: April 29, 2008 )

villanelle
Nice to finally post a comment on this villanelle. LitOrg has been down so long I thought poeteye had posted it!

Charlie - this is wonderful. Smooth and pensive. One of the true marks of a well done villanelle is that each time the reader forgets the line is a repeating one because it plays a new tune with each tercet.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: May 9, 2008 )

Cadence
I like the cadence here -- coupled with very solid reprise throughout. I read this backward, and by gosh it is still a has great form and cadence and the reprise is just as relevant -- it holds together front to back and back to front.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: May 9, 2008 )

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