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Borrowed, And All Chopped Up
by colinbaker62 (Member) - published: April 27, 2008
Word Count: 40 Word Bytes: 333 Viewed: 182 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by colinbaker62





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Only Mousy
has been able to establish an in
timate relationship with me.
And this, only by a miracle
of abnegation, patience, and under
standing; by a deliberate self
subordination, and a refusal
to make demands.





Colin Baker April 08

------
Colin


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The following comments are for "Borrowed, And All Chopped Up"
by colinbaker62

a great start
This seems like it could use a little more. I like the direction and the subordinate point of view of this; at the end I wanted a little more of the story, but it still rings a good note to me.

Perhaps, since you introduce Mousy as the central character there might be a little more said about him/her. Maybe just a touch of repitition somehow. But a very short topic.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: April 28, 2008 )

patient miracles
Mousy made me think of a woman with short, brown hair. Of course, it could always be about a mouse that is frustrating your efforts to catch it. Same could be true about women.

( Posted by: desvelado [Member] On: April 29, 2008 )

Thank!
'Bw' and 'FR', many thanks for your collective and thoughtful comments. And apologies by the way for the delay in replying. The forum kept rejecting my posted reply for some reason, but now all seems well.



Colin

( Posted by: colinbaker62 [Member] On: May 8, 2008 )





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