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To my new friends at lit.org, I am going to leave you all for what may be a long while, what may even be forever. When I came here it was to make public what I thought would be one poem, "Kevin James Hall Caught a Fish Here". This poem of course being written to just, I guess, try to honor my son Kevin who passed in May of last year at 21 years of age.
Grief has been overwhelming and the writing seemed to help, a relief valve if you will.
You have a resident poet here you all call desvelado, what a guy. Encouraged me to stay and welcomed me to write more, as much as I needed he said, I told him once he led with his heart, and his kindness led me around by my heart. He is such an asset to you all here, and not just his poetry, but his encouragement, his time given.
Then another gentle soul enters in, old misery guts himself, Shannon. One thing you never knew about me Shannon, (just one, not six) was that your comment to me on one of my poems brought me to tears, because you got it, and because you accepted my faith in God in such a sincere way in that comment that it moved me so much. That comment was to the poem "There Must be Warmth".
And of course Lucie, you three here make this place work, because you accept all people, and you take the time to comment and encourage. Thanks Lucie. You made me believe I could really write.
Many many of you commented many times and I appreciated it so much, truly. And I know not everyone has time to comment every day. But I think you all agree with me that these three are almost always there for the feedback.
Read many great poems, met some talented people, made some friends.
I will leave you how I started, with a writing about my Kev. Don't know that it is a poem, more an open letter to him I wrote last September or October I think. (I can hear Francisco, "it IS a poem").
But first a poem that I kind of stole from myself from the "Small Things" poem I wrote. The first line in it was "hurriedly I pass these woods". Well, that "hurriedly I pass" just wouldn't let me go till I gave it its' own poem. so I did.
Please forgive my unorthodox way of doing this, but what does it matter? If anything lit.org is that.
May you each know the True Saviour, our Creator and Lover, Jesus Christ. All inquirers see that old despised book, the Bible. Robert. I WILL miss you all.


Hurriedly we pass
like snowflakes fall to earth
like meteor in atmosphere
like fool in his mirth

Hurriedly we pass
like lightning in the sky
like honking geese flying
with only south in their eye

Hurriedly we pass
like whisper in the ear
Though slow down the road we go
the end is very near

Hurriedly we pass
and we must not assume
tomorrow is a given day
that time has more room.



Letter

Kevin,

You should be here
you should smell the cut grass with me again.
Get in the pickup, take a ride with me again.
Tell me what's on your mind, please.

Have I hurt you in some way?
Is that why you're gone?
If I have hurt you
please, let me know.

You should be here today.
It would be a good day
to see you again.
It is fall and the leaves are changing,
and the weather is nice.

We'd take a walk again
like when you were young.
When I was your world also
and nothing else mattered
but that we were together.

Or just come again to
warm me with your smile
that you can't hide
when that fish bites.

With the quiet laugh
when you think I've
said something funny
that only your sense
of humor would grasp.

Today would be a perfect day son,
please, now, before the sun sets.
There is still daylight to enjoy
and we can do anything we want.

Get the guns out again
go shoot a nickel or two.
Make it three, one for David,
We'll put them on chains like yours,
wear them around our necks together
until the day we die.

We'll just walk around
and say "remember when".
We'll laugh, and smile.
And we won't even know you
were gone.

Take my hand
one more time,
kiss my cheek
once again
with the freshness of eternity
and the innocence of purity.

With the fragrance of love
around us
I will grasp your shoulders,
I will look into your eyes
I will say today is a perfect day.
It is the one I have longed for
since time began.
We both will understand
how much you have always
meant to me
and we will never part again.






------
Robert J. Hall, thankful "Pa" of Kev and Dave.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Good bye to Lit.org and 2 poems"
by robnjop

No end in sight
I am not a sentimental person, Robert. I am a cynic at heart and doubt the end is ever the end. Saved me a lot of heartache in my life. It's what I tell Shannon: The sun will come out tomorrow...

Of course, that's easier said than done.

I read your post with a lump growing in my throat. Not just because I hate to see you go but because I have been contemplating the same thing myself. Granted, not for the same reasons. But I was thinking of an extended vacation from all things internet.

And because sometimes I feel I have overstayed my welcome. Insecurities, ya know?

I believe in signs. The beautiful things you wrote about us Lit dwellers is what made me the saddest. It also made me feel guilty about only thinking of Francisco.

About the two poems...

#1: Your grasp on metaphor is a true gift. It could come off as trying to hard or it can flow naturally. Which group do you think I believe you belong to?

#2: There is nothing sentimental about the second poem. To me sentimental implies forced emotions. This poem is all longing. Pure and simple. Longing for someone that took half of your heart with him. No one can fault you for writing about him as you do.

And if they do, send them to me.

I am glad you didn't tell us why you need to leave: It is none of our business. Just know I will be the first to read you when you return.

...You're already missed.

( Posted by: desvelado [Member] On: March 14, 2008 )

Robert

lately I am convert to the you’ve-gotta-do-what-you’ve-gotta-do school of thought, so I will not try to guilt trip you about going. it’s sad for us, because I think you were a sincere and mindful poetic presence, whose creative confidence was only just burgeoning… it was a pleasure to witness your poetic journey and I, for one, am sorry to lose you… that said, so long as you leave your poems here, then a little part of you will remain here, hopefully to move, to inspire and to comfort others… I think that is the most any of us hope in posting…

of the two poems, first has a thoughtful, restrained quality, that is pleasant to the ear when read aloud… there is great skill in writing in such a measured way, and evoking beauty with simplicity. Frostian, almost. good job…

the second is poetry in that other, deeper, more compelling, and, I would say, more important way. not merely cathartic confession, it shows us the important distinction between soul baring and soul offering, in that you make a gift of the love and the hope you still have, and thus temper the irreconcilable with belief.. for the duration the poem, the reader believes with you…

last and best of all, of course, it is a beautiful tribute to your boy. I feel for you, Robert, thank for writing poetry that allowed access to feel with you, too. the very best to you, and to yours.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: March 14, 2008 )

Robert, Kevin's Dad
Crying so hard I see only a blurred screen and vlurred keyboard, and I will miss you, Robert, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that you going from here makes you happy and I want you happy. You have made me happy payting attention to what I pompously call my work, and you have always been kind to me. Kindness is my only gauge of people, and yours reaches a blissfully critical range. You're one of "us" here, one of that group I like to think I belong to, poets who don't care who knows what love is, but who care deeply THAT love is.

I am now printing out this page, now that Francisco and Shannon have commented, and thank God I didn't miss this! And thank you, profusely, with every heartbeat of mine, for what you say about me. But thank you more for coming here and hanging your soul on the back of my chair when I needed the warmth.

Your first poem here is full of Wisdom with a capital "W" and could be mantra for all of humanity every moment we spend here.

Your letter to Kevin is so full of love, so replete with the purity of your love, that well, it didn't help much the crying from your goodbye to us...That my sorry unworthy eyes were given this poem to read this morning is proof of God's mercy on the sinner I am. I do, Robert, with every scrap of gratitude I can muster, thank God for you.

Once in a while, you may want to drop in for a visit...I hope you are able to consider that.

Love you!
Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: March 14, 2008 )

Bye Robert

Hi Robert

Loads of folk make grand exits from websites like bowing out on life.

In the “forces” good friends disappeared (pre computer days) and one was always moving on. Then there was no turning back...

You are not alone in your personal loss or tears here on Lit.Org... For those that haven’t experienced such loss yet.... don’t worry it will come and you will then know "How it Feels" Others have used poetic license to try and get a feel for it….. But there aint nothing like the real thing.

I don’t comment here at Lit as much as some others because to be quite honest I don’t understand half the stuff that is posted….. My fault not theirs… I hope when I have looked in on your stuff I understood…

When the going gets tough I turn to myself, you may have noticed my apathy towards God… It’s just my way of accepting blame all by myself… others seek comfort in drink… everyone to their own. It sure helps to write things down on Paper (er or in Microsoft Office Word 2007)

Good Luck….. and as we would say in the Army… "Now Fuck Off" (which of course is a friendly term)

Eric

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: March 14, 2008 )

Thanks Robert
It is said that losing a child is the most difficult loss a person can bare. Those of us who have not shared that experience can still get lumpy throated from your Letter to Kevin. I am a very non-conformist when it comes to poetry; I say it IS poetry if you want it to be.

In your appreciation for three of lit.org's best citizens I could not agree more and I, too, would like to thank you for the many encouraging and thoughtful critiques you attached to my writings.

Stop in once in a while, just to read a line or two. I tend to be AWOL from time to time myself, but always feel the tug to come back -- not only for the three great people you mentioned but also because there are always new characters like yourself that add spice and interest to this forum.

Peace be with you

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: March 15, 2008 )





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