BLACK TOWER
by poewhit (Member) - published: March 7, 2008
Word Count: 94 Word Bytes: 621 Viewed: 169 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by poewhit

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Past the toll of the mid.
In this tower, I do sit.
All around the flashes of war.
Duty calls, no exit door.
My heart is in my throat.
My eyes wide like tug boats.
Beating blood rushes in the veins.
My mind trapped past insane.
Med-evacs rush to the downfallen.
Radio crackles artillery calling.
All around the Forth of July.
Green-red tracers into the sky.
Morning sun brings the dawn.
My legs like a wobbling fawn.
So the day has begun.
New shift for wars fun ?

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JESUS SAVES

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MAKING NOISE

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Comments

The following comments are for "BLACK TOWER"
by poewhit

war torn
Makes me think you have seen things no one should ever see. Makes me glad I was only a Permanent Resident during my draft years. Love this country but I don't have the stomach for fighting somone else's war.

Or is this about a video game?

( Posted by: desvelado [Member] On: March 7, 2008 )

war torn-poewhit
It's was my feelings in Viet Nam. I worked as an Air Traffic Controller about 100 feet off the ground. Most sane soldiers are in bunkers.I arrived just after APRIL FOOLS DAY. NO video games with this one

( Posted by: poewhit [Member] On: March 8, 2008 )

Poewhit's tower
"past insane", eh? That would be back to sane, IMO, and this poem is replete with "sane" in that the "within" is intact: what is within the first person observer here is as focused and intense as what is within the war zone experienced, and the boundaries of everything are clearly defined in the ends of your lines of verse: short, terse statements issued as if each were the last, and greatest, in importance.

I find particularly appealing your final three lines where a beginnings and endings, of days, nights, shifts, underscore a wobbling weakness. This is not often done in poetry, and should be, IMO. I also like that cynicism is entirely concentrated in your final line, and not dissipated (diluted) in the rest of this piece.

Thank you for the immediacy in this.

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: March 8, 2008 )

Tower
there is a brevity and starkness to this that is most fitting. an immediacy to events and a straight line drawn to effect. good stuff.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: March 8, 2008 )

BLACK TOWER
Excellent poem poewhit.
"Duty calls, no exit door."
"My mind trapped past insane."
Good lines, the whole thing I liked. Robert.

( Posted by: robnjop [Member] On: March 8, 2008 )

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