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Glittery gloss

on barren shrubbery

grainy crystal fragments

crunch like heartbreak

beneath my slippered feet.

Holding Hefty Gladbags

in hopes Garbageosaurus

will lumber down my

sugar-slickened hill

my heart howls like winter wolves

for swish and pound of surf

on suncrisped sand.

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The following comments are for "Rock Candy"
by Cybele

Now I'm jealous!
There is an important difference between your poetry and mine: yours is good, while mine is mediocre. I honestly can't think of any way to improve this poem other than tweaking the title (if you mention rock candy in a metaphor at the end, your readers will get that "oh, wow; now I get it" sensation that would make this an outstanding poem). As it is, its publishable, and I feel strange that I didn't have to pay to read it. Nine of ten as is, but with some title tweaking, I'd give it a ten with no problem. Keep it up!

( Posted by: The Recycled Avatar [Member] On: February 21, 2003 )

Forget the title issues; I love it as it is! Now I have to rate it again...

( Posted by: THe Recycled Avatar [Member] On: February 21, 2003 )

The words,the style, the rhythm - I love it! xD

( Posted by: dianahayes [Member] On: February 25, 2003 )

The first verse is probably the best, as the rhythm seems to escape a little after that. I think perhaps the metaphor of the poem escapes me slightly as i'm not entirely sure of the meaning behind this poem, but I'm sure if i was more awake, it would have brilliant impact on me :) Good poem.

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: July 17, 2003 )

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