Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
9

(2 votes)


RatingRated by
9Unknown
9Unknown

You must login to vote

Glittery gloss

on barren shrubbery

grainy crystal fragments

crunch like heartbreak

beneath my slippered feet.



Holding Hefty Gladbags

in hopes Garbageosaurus

will lumber down my

sugar-slickened hill



my heart howls like winter wolves

for swish and pound of surf

on suncrisped sand.




Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Rock Candy"
by Cybele

Now I'm jealous!
There is an important difference between your poetry and mine: yours is good, while mine is mediocre. I honestly can't think of any way to improve this poem other than tweaking the title (if you mention rock candy in a metaphor at the end, your readers will get that "oh, wow; now I get it" sensation that would make this an outstanding poem). As it is, its publishable, and I feel strange that I didn't have to pay to read it. Nine of ten as is, but with some title tweaking, I'd give it a ten with no problem. Keep it up!

( Posted by: The Recycled Avatar [Member] On: February 21, 2003 )

Actually...
Forget the title issues; I love it as it is! Now I have to rate it again...
10.

( Posted by: THe Recycled Avatar [Member] On: February 21, 2003 )

Everything...
The words,the style, the rhythm - I love it! xD

( Posted by: dianahayes [Member] On: February 25, 2003 )

Candy
The first verse is probably the best, as the rhythm seems to escape a little after that. I think perhaps the metaphor of the poem escapes me slightly as i'm not entirely sure of the meaning behind this poem, but I'm sure if i was more awake, it would have brilliant impact on me :) Good poem.

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: July 17, 2003 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: