Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(7 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote

the coffee is brewing, my cigarettes are burning, i'm turning and stewing, pacing on a dime; the clock is ticking, my hands are twitching, to the plan, i'm sticking, racing against time: but my skin is crawling and itching, just know she's gonna be bitching, about how i forgot again.

i light another smoke, breathing it deep, keeping an eye upon the hour, until she awoke; we spoke, i smoked, she burned and cried, could have died, until the first vase broke: i've nothing to offer, but i love her, while she suffers my failure to remember dates, guess we're soulmates.

after all is said and done, when the crockery's been thrown and everything's been blown, the fun has ended, then blended into the past, should have asked; but soon, she'll return, we'll both have learned, and i'll find something to say, the strife will fade away: in the game of life, just a pawn gone awry, sure wish i could order love on rye.

Related Items


The following comments are for "love on rye"
by verve

love on rye
Totally not the kind of poetry I would write, but I like it. It evokes a complete picture, with all the feelings right out front. The short phrasing gives it the sense of urgency. I can feel the waiting in dread in the first verse, the words thrown back and forth in the second verse, the sigh of relief in the third verse. I especially like the last line about "a pawn gone awry, on rye."

( Posted by: phoehne [Member] On: February 17, 2003 )

brings to mind
I don't usually go for poetry written in this sort of style, but something drew me to start reading this, and I got right into it.
The way it reads, I think it could work well as a rap song - the rhythm is just right for it.
Overall, I really liked it... even though I'm not a fan of rap either! :-) Score 8.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: February 19, 2003 )

to go
I want my love on rye to go.

I loved this whole poem, and the title as the punchline was great fun. Nice work, and an unusual style. Thanks.

( Posted by: cybele [Member] On: January 21, 2004 )

Thanks. :)

( Posted by: verve [Member] On: August 23, 2004 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.