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Hey Lit.org readers,
Today a new series starts. Harvest of Gems volume 1 and 2. These extracts are from unplublished manuscripts. They deal with my early spiritrual explorations both before and after my dad's death from cancer.
This is an excerpt from a cabin retreat I did in washington state for eight months.
These writings are easy to read and very accessible unlike my later stuff.
So without further ado....and a one and a two.
But this is all leading to a very important point. Actually it's really important. So let me get on with this now. The longer I was in the cabin the more I saw my mind go through these loops. It's like I would think about this person or that thing and it would carry me onward to something connected to it. Then I would get sort of sad and crazy. This would go on for awhile and then peter out. That is until it started kicking through once more at a later date. This process was endless. I felt there was sort of a cyclic dimension to all this.
The more alone I was, the more intense it got. It was like going to the movies. And you were the double-feature. This was strange. These movies would eventually speed up until it felt like you were being reborn and dying on a second by second basis. Pretty far out if you could stand it. This guy who I was reading like to always talk about something called the EGO. Don't ask me what it is because after all these years I'm still not sure about it. The guy said that this EGO hated to be alone. That it always needed an audience. Well, let me tell you here out in the boonies there was no audience. If I had an EGO it was probably suffering bad.
It's like we all have an inner conflict; and we don't know what to do with it nor how to get a handle on it. We just project it out and turn it into this outer conflict. I did a lot of this and what started to occur was that there was nobody out there to get hit by these projections. They kinda bounced off the wall and came back to me. This was weird. I then realized that my problems were really my own and nobody else's. I became pretty fascinated by them. The guy in the book said to just watch these projections like a cloud show. But I liked following them around instead of just letting them go. I'm a screwy guy when it comes to following something. I could have been a private detective.
I did it again! I said I was gonna just talk about my fasting and that was paragraphs ago. This is really embarrassing. It's hard for me to stay on a subject for long. Anyway, the fasting made my dreams pretty vivid. Like technicolor. I almost got lost in them and felt this was way better than any mushrooms. The rains now were pouring hard. My body ached from all the fasting. When I started eating. I ate too much food and had a backache. Then to make matters worse, I ate some mushrooms and started just reeling on the floor. This was some party. I thought I was dying and prayed to the almighty to save me. Pretty weird now considering the fact that I didn't believe in