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"Arms embracing,
Only loving herself,
Herself seeming as stone,
Eyes staring endlessly -
Mind blank anywhere but here,
Anywhere but this ROOM!
With walls so high,
Memories so deep,
She'd rip her hair if she could,
Just to forget,but this doorless room and her arms always embracing,
As if they were made of stone banned her,
From forgetting her soul,
That she sold,
But her eyes -
Never blinking,
Never thinking,
Loving just herself,
Stiff as a corpse,
Dead to the world,
Just mold,
Upmon the skin,
That will not die,
The walls closing in,
But she just sat there,
Arms embracing,
Only loving herself,
Only loving HERSELF!
In the end,
She died in that room,
In a strait jacket"

------
**FORSAKEN_6URL**


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The following comments are for "Strait Jacket"
by forsakengurl

DAMN STRAIGHT! (Jacket)
Very cool. I found this very claustrophobic, starting from the walls around her and moving into her mind.

I wondered half way through if she was dead but wasn't sure until you revealed it at the end.

I really liked this line - Just to forget,but this doorless room and her arms always embracing,

It felt uncomfortable but I mean that in a good way.

Just re-reading it I got the 'loving herself' part with the arms embracing which seems to cruelly mock her position. Again, I like that kind of stuff.

There's a spelling error in there and a comma that's in the wrong space but they're the only things I can find to improve this piece.

Nice work.

( Posted by: Emlyn [Member] On: January 30, 2008 )





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