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Please be aware that there are certain scenes in this poem in which discretion is advised.

The Doctor of Penance

The Doctor of Penance so spiteful and greedy
Did nothing upon nothing to stifle the needy

With potions and lotions he went to locations
And patiently waited to prey on his patients

Through complex elixirs this toxic cavorter
Would mix up his fixers with nothing but water

And sell them to peasants at twelve bucks a pop
And assured them it cured them, their ailings would stop

He amassed a large fortune from sickness and health
As he took from the poor and he gave to himself

“My secret ingredients I’ll never tell”
But although people drank them, they never got well


It just so happened that in Penance that time
there came a great illness no-one could define

Starting off slowly it quickly erupted
Concocting up cuts that abruptly corrupted

Then leaving its victims so helpless and weak
And taking their voices so that they couldn’t speak

Family and friends surrounded their bed
And that’s where they stayed till their loved ones were dead

“What should we do with this deadly affliction
That leaves these aggrieved in a corpselike condition?”

They tried to decide on agreed remedies
But no-one it seemed could appease the disease

Until late one morning the doctor stepped in
With hands in his pockets he said with a grin

“What you need my dear friends is the stuff in my hand”
“This stuff” he repeated “is my own special brand”

“Its transparent appearance” he went on to describe
“Is exactly what I, ‘the good doctor’ prescribe”

“You’ve nothing to fear for my people of Penance
Your ills will be killed before I finish this senence”

He passed on a castor and snapped off its cap
to a poor miss with jaundice and a case of the clap

And she guzzled it down with a cup and a hick
And then gurgled it out with some with some shit and some sick

Shamelessly squirting she suddenly spoke
that although she was hurting, it felt like a joke

“Here as I sit on this floor getting wetter
that thanks to this doctor I’m feeling much better.

The people of Penance then started to clap
Although not the same kind as the patient now sat

The Doctor just stood there scratching his jaw
“If I can cure one, surely I can cure more

And if I can cure more, I can jack up the price
I can jack up the price on this crap melted ice.”

He sold them a bottle at a fiver a throw
And then picked up his things and he started to go

A quick glance behind him told him he was in
He was in with a grin like a Flynn on a whim

As he stared at them hurting and turding the floor
He gave them a smile and then talked to them all

“My people of Penance, there’s more to distill
But I shall return my dear friends yes I will.”

And then added on, in an inaudible hum
“To rip off the rest of you simple town scum”

And so the good doctor went home in a flitter
Danced into his den and then into his shitter

And drew out his phallus and pointed it callously
straight at the chalice and began to piss zealously

Pissing and missing it hissed and it roared
eliciting quiffs from the hairs on his sword

And he heaved and he drained and he drained and he heaved
Till his penis head sagged and went back up its sleeve

When all was finished and the doctor stopped throttling
he plopped in his cock and he thought about bottling

He siphoned the water with no tempt to boil it
filling containers up straight from the toilet

And then he remembered and started to blush
Clapped his hand to his forehead and started to flush

I may be stupid but at least I'm not handsome.


The following comments are for "THe Doctor of Penance 1/4"
by Emlyn

this is absolutely gross...
but funny too. Though I am not too found of potty humor, in this case the "DrSeuss" rhyme scheme somehow made it all OK. What does that say, eh?
There is a strong political message in this thing somehow, but I being slow, can only go WOW!
Now look what you've done? You son of gun.
I'm talkin' like you do? If this is not wordcraft then it must be voodoo!

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: January 15, 2008 )

puts me in mind of the satirical likes of Alexander Pope... just far more disgusting… but then the physically disgusting aspect compliments the morally disgusting, which works...

a clever poem for sure, and well rhymed too. you've got an edeg, you have, and this piece packs a punch. good stuff.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: January 15, 2008 )

If a doctor doctors a doctor...
Thank you very much to you both. Nothing beats opening up my hotmail and seeing that someone has commented on my work.

Maybe I should have put a 'do not eat while reading' in the disclaimer.

( Posted by: Emlyn [Member] On: January 17, 2008 )

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