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NB: because, amongst the many things I lack is the good sense and good grace to know when I'm beat. I apologise unreservedly for my hatchet job villanelle, it won't happen again, I promise.

...

We held our hunger in our hands
Gave sorrow sea-legs, that long day
Faring far from black-blighted lands.

Dreaming dull-eyed of foreign sands
No farewell saw us on our way
We held our hunger in our hands.

With words that no one understands
Below deck sunless song holds sway
Faring far from black-blighted lands.

Thin skins seared as suffering brands
We once knew summer, high with hay
We held our hunger in our hands.

Cruel compass makes her mean demands
Leads us from where our fathers lay
Faring far from black-blighted lands.

By famine forced, false hopes, last stands
Ran ragged to Amerikay
We held our hunger in our hands
Faring far from black-blighted lands.


------
The human race, the only race I know where everybody loses.


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Comments

The following comments are for "non compass mentis, a villanelle… [sort of]"
by AuldMiseryGuts

Shannon's villanelle
Bravo! my friend...I for one..think you have done well...I might try one ...but for right now , it is only in the thinking stage...Kacee

( Posted by: nitz kitty [Member] On: January 4, 2008 )

Vanilla
Hi AMG


Was that the slave trade to the West Indies?

Maybe I need to brush up on my History and Geography and unlike NK I aint even at the thinking stage for composing such a difficult verse of my own.

Maybe one day....

Ahh but you broke one "Golden Rule" for real men....

Never Ever Start with an apology... not that I saw the need anyways...

Eric

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: January 4, 2008 )

bad omen?
Over 6000 songs on my ipod, on random, and just as i pulled up your poem the one song out of all of them that still skips (taken from a bad cd) plays and starts skipping... I thought this one was going to be extra miserable, but it was more just a well-witten, rhyming story of someone else's half-misery. No need for apologies here, or care for what we as the readers think anyway. Just post your stuff, and we'll let you know if we think it sucks (at least i will, though i have yet to come across something of yours that sucks...)

( Posted by: ghostpoisonsturgeon [Member] On: January 4, 2008 )

love it!
How apt is this? You chose history and your own to get your mind round a villanelle. I found much merit with this poem Shannon and it grabbed me ... being of Irish descent. My family came to Canada before the famine due to a 'mixed' marriage of Roman Catholic & Protestant or so the story goes. I've never visited Ireland without thinking about the agony of it all. I can't remember which villanelle was my first but I believe it to be a tongue twister and tripper about a belly dancer.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: January 4, 2008 )

Form and content
Shannon, I personally knew little of the poetic verse to which you initially refer. Having therefore 'googled' the term 'villanelle', I think you have executed the said poetic form with much skill. As to the content, it is a much deserving subject matter. Your obvious Celtic pride (and anger at times?) is one of your noble poetic qualities in my view.




Colin

( Posted by: colinbaker62 [Member] On: January 5, 2008 )

Villanelle Perfection, Shannon
Sorry for the late response, been very distracted and up to my yin yang in busy, but I am here now. This is awesome. I think you did a wonderful job and no need to apologize. You have a creative gift beyond compare, but like most true natural born artists, you simply are standing too close to your own work to be able to see the genius. Blessings to you my dear friend, I so love the essence that is Shannon;-)

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: January 5, 2008 )

My turn, Shannon
Here's the thing:

If you've got something to DESCRIBE, the villanelle is a perfect choice.

If you've got something to NARRATE, and you can do it with a villanelle, then you're an effin' GENIUS, Shannon!

That would be you, right here, right now, genius for a day, my friend, unless you keep posting narrative villanelles, in which case, I will just die of awe!!!

Thank you for this beauty.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: January 5, 2008 )

Nice Stuff!
I feel the power, passion and pain in this great work of art. Poem possesses fluidity and synchronicity. Words in this poem rings and chimes.
The words go together well. Once more, this poem sings with resonance.

( Posted by: FireFly747 [Member] On: January 5, 2008 )

thanks to ten
well, I wasn't expecting that... not that I mind ;). thank you to all who read, rated and commented, it is very much appreciated...

Kacee, thank you kindly Kacee, hope to read a nitz kitty original soon. the best to you...

Eric, poem deals with Irish emigration to America during Black 47, although it could just as easily have been about any mass migration, by force or by "choice"...

I've been at the thinking stage with this one since I was at school, something to be worked up to, I feel...

so I guess I’m not a real man ;) … hey, I can live with that. thanks for stopping by here…

Ghost, he-he, I tend not to post the stuff that really sucks… that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. ;) I’m not sure about “half-misery”, I guess for the folks who made that trip it was full misery, but I do know what you mean, that this is as much a technical exercise as a cathartic/ emotional one… just wanted to hone my craft; using a theme I have some familiarity with helps with that. thanks for looking in…

Pen, aw, see ‘cause now I’m blushing… thank you for being grabbed. Your consistently good technical standards inspired me to take a crack at this… you gonna post your belly dancing villanelle? …

Colin, thank you kindly… and yes, without that mix of [sometimes irrational] pride/ anger/ occasionally dismay with my heritage, I probably wouldn’t write at all… thank you for ascribing noble… I’ve been called many things, but that’s a new one. the best to you…

Lena, “up to my yin yang in busy”, that made me smile, that did. It’s nice to see you again. thanks for commenting so kindly. I think my head might just fair explode ;)…

Lucie, I get to be a genius? grand, always wondered what that felt like. I’ll make the most of it. it won’t happen again. as you may very well judge from my other recent efforts. *sigh*… mind you, I wouldn’t want you to expire of awe, so it’s safest I remain porridge-brained, no? ;) …

Firefly, thank you, especially for "fluidity", one of my favourites, that, and for the entirely undesreved high rating...

Bob, Charlie, thank you too, for looking in here and leaving positive proof...

honestly overwhelmed, but grateful, nonetheless

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: January 7, 2008 )

Shannon's villanelle
I liked the darkness of this piece. Most of the villanelles I have read on here have been lighthearted. But not AuldMiseryGuts!!!

I am trying my hand at this structured poetry thing because I refuse to believe I can't do it. Started writing it but am not happy with it yet.

Will post it when it's edible.

( Posted by: desvelado [Member] On: February 10, 2008 )

and again
cheers, Francisco... yeah, I'm so dark I shit bats [as a goth friend of mine once said] *rolls eyes*... I do try my hand at cheery occasionally, but the result usually ends up in the bin, it ain't pretty...

I suck at structured poetry, it took years to work up to these. I had a go at a sestina once too, and that wasn't great either. I should learn- as with so much else in life- to leave well alone, but I probably never will. ah well... thank you for stopping in here. it's appreciated.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: February 14, 2008 )





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