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A.N. Still a work in progress; any helpful guidance is appreciated.

Along a weedy path I walked
across the Dakota prairie,
the sky overcast with yesterday’s rain.

Just enough sunlight to cast a shadow;
just enough sunshine to remember
the hot sand and surf of distant shores.

I ambled along, through a line of trees
planted there by prairie winds,
now pacing their slow march to glory.

At path’s end, a barn leaning
with the quiet grace of antiquity,
as old and as ageless as her country.

And there, five graves mark
the sum total of spent lives,
nameless but to a walking traveler.

Just enough humanity to cast a shadow;
to know their Dakota
and understand why they came.


------
The worst thing in the world is the homesickness that comes over a man occasionally when he is at home.

- E. W. Howe



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The following comments are for "Dakota"
by BWOz

Brian's Dakota
Just enough sunlight/humanity to cast a shadow:

This is where this poem lives. This is what this poem frees into the reader's sensibilities. This is what this poem needs to remember.

It is almost as if what is observed here is "just enough" to make a poem that will immortalize it.

This moves me, Brian, just the way it is. Those gravestones haven't seen a living human eye since the last person who walked across there, might have been a long time ago...

I don't think I would be that quick to change anything in this...

The "quiet grace of antiquity" is a true gem: the reader would expect imagery of the "dilapidated" here instead, and so, this is a nice surprise.

This is a poem I want to return to and read often.

Thank you!

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: December 24, 2007 )

i liked this poem.
it's very image laden...and the images form a very realistic picture of what you are describing.

i hope you have a great holiday.

john.

( Posted by: johnjohndoe [Member] On: December 24, 2007 )

Slight revision
Thank you Lucie and John. As always a pleasure to receive comments from you both.

I am not so satisfied with S#5 -- "lost and forgotten" just to cliche and worn out a phrase. So, that in mind, after careful thought and three glasses of wine, I have revised 5th stanza as such:

And there, five graves mark
the sum total of spent lives,
nameless but to a walking traveler.

Just enough humanity to cast a shadow;
to know their Dakota
and understand why they came.

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: December 26, 2007 )

I read this
when first it appeared but was stuck for constructive and coherent comment… was struck by the just enoughness of this world… it saddened me, and yet… there is dignity here… just enough… it holds the poem together, allows the reader to see…

thank you for this.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: December 29, 2007 )

Dakota
I read this several times and each time I had a better picture to go with the words. It is a simple enough statement but expertly written.

Don't know that I could possibly advise you on it because it is wonderful as is.

One question: Are your poems ever finished? You tend to change them after you've posted them but to me they read well. Just curious.

( Posted by: desvelado [Member] On: December 29, 2007 )





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