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....could we try to find some reason,
in this little plot of land.

....could you try to screw your courage,
try baby and stand.

It's been a long time, since I been up.
for so damn long,thought the sky was fuked up.

those sands of time,been shifting around.
telling me it's all uncommon ground.

keep moving faster, so your hard to hit,
keep wading, wasted, through others shit.

I've looked so hard i didn't see.
but deep inside it's who ill always be.

we got so lost but now we've been found
all caught asleep deep in uncommon ground.

and the piper needs a jolly beating,
for the tune that he persists with.

yet my eyes know all the motions,
it's not all that i insist with.

if you keep looking i can be found,
walking back, from uncommon ground.

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The following comments are for "journey through..."
by wally 5

Bruised piper
I like this. It has definite structure, a pretty solid rhyming cadence ('cept for the 8th and 9th stanzas which go off their own way a bit) and some good turn-about on words and cliches.

I really got a kick out of the 8th stanza and the image it brought to mind. Very nice.

It's obvious you put feeling and thought into this; now it just needs a little polishing and reshaping. Thanks for sharing. :)

( Posted by: chinadoll [Member] On: December 2, 2007 )

can't quite
imagine the tune that would lend itself to this, but that's okay... some of the turns of phrase are clever and pithy as hell, and the repetition of "uncommon ground" works really well... I like how the reader is left to guess what "uncommon ground" might be... calls to mind the idea of waking from a long sleep, being able to see clearly for the first time... it's good this.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: December 5, 2007 )

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