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The oration of love
that IBIWUMI should know that a true love never dies…
This is the first time in more than five years that I will be writing a letter to express a heart felt feeling, and of a deep wallow in these turbulent-waters called love. I will not also forget to add a note to this epistle; a tripod stand in between which would forever stand, the Bunsen- burner of love, and on which the fate of these sheets of papers stand. One, that this epistle should not be seen as a mere scribble, but as a testimonial. Two, that this may go the way of many others to the trash cans. Three, that it may be allowed to stand the test of time and if granted, it will thus become a reference. But whatever its fate may be, it bears with it the life.
There may be a need for you to remember, that four years ago, before the rains in April of that year, we descended the stairs of your hall of residence together, into the cool air of that long awaited evening. I had told you to put on a jacket and wear a shoe for the night out there might be cold, and that you might not return back to your room early as you would have expected. A little walk outside Obafemi Awolowo Hall unbridled me as I spoke out the fire that had been locked in my bones for a period that was not less than a year.
I had set my eyes on you in the June of the previous year and I had a feeling of belonging to you, gradually we became closer to each other than ever before. Though by then I never knew how and when to tell you of my growing affection for you but, all I knew was that I always had my way to your room on the F BLOCK on the evenings.
Back in my room in the Mellanby Hall, my room mate and I had discussed the issue several times and he would always advise me to cross the seas when the tide was low; kunle will add a warning that she will never be yours if you do not have her so I discovered that after our exams of the second semester, the tide was low and I would cross the seas.
I crossed the seas of a very low tide, I came to you and I did not conquer, because I
only came, I did not see, so I could not conquer. The words of your mouth kept on re-echoing in the hollows of my ears as I snailed back to my room at the other end of the University of Ibadan. Ibk, no ! am sorry and I don’t think am interested in that kind of a thing and I do not even have the time for that. Mellanby hall drew far away and I was making my room in one hour. The night became so cold that I was shaking and quaking, I had a consolation in the words of my room mate upon returning to my room. kunle was more of a brother to me than a friend, we laughed over it and I swore it was all and over.
I had a few contacts with you during the break of that academic session, but when we resumed, it was a big fall of another dark age !!! Ibiwumi, till today I never could say what really led to that dark period, the 200L year was full of mysteries. At first I thought it was the opposing stands we took on issues of faith and doctrines that was the cause of the cold war, but I discovered later that it was not all, I also thought then, that I was just feeling the pain of a rejection and that of a rejected will, but I later knew, that was not true…till today I still wonder why, but I was to know that, that period was just for testing whether or not, the love I have had for you would still have to live.
We finished our second year and I could not count the number of times we greeted each other, we shared, the same class and we would literarily avoid ourselves on the faculty walk-ways. The test was a hard one for me, and I blew it big time. I never thought I could have anything to do with you again in life and I actually looked for a new way to live.
Ibiwumi, in case you wonder why I wrote all these, the reasons are not far from here, I remember that I later told your pastor- friend that I had to retrace my steps from the girl I had gone with, not primarily because I still loved you and wanted you, but that I later discovered that I would not be needing her for a life time.
I battled with parting with the girl, she was so honest and loving, but I had to disclose to her in all sincerity having being sure of what lied ahead. You knew about our
being together, we had your goodwill, and of course I had to struggle to convince you later that it was not because of my unsettled love for you that she had to go!.
The issue brought a thick cloud of doubt!, I knew it and I did not have to swear by God to affirm my rectitude.
The tail end of our year three and in fact for the whole of our four hundred level was raising a big question of whether or not, I was sure and right with the resurrected feeling of love for you. It was very difficult to spend the times alone, just coming out of a companionship, but Raji or whoever was there would not reason with me on any request made for bringing me to your group. We had to talk on phone several times while we were on our different postings for our practicals, your resounding hesitations were quite loud, many times I had prayed that there should be a surgery on my heart, and that all the feelings of love that I have for you be evacuated. Many times I had tried to stop thinking about you but to no avail and rather the love I have for you kept growing hard.
I just thought of a possibility of having more than just you to read this epistle, they, I mean each person may have a different view on my dilemma of not being accepted and of a feeling of not being rejected. They will ask you of what you have told this young man, and why is he still fooling himself, and what was the exact thing you told him.
Look, I can not say too, of the exact thing you have told me, you have told me NO once, that was when we were still in our yet to be formed days on the campus, you once told me that you never knew why you told me a NO. but I remember that you have promised me once that you will call me to tell me, if and when you have a YES answer for me.
Yes, I remember of your need to seek a conviction from God, I remember I asked whether or not my own little dream was a conviction enough.
Ibiwumi, see, this is what has befallen your brother, this is what has come upon your friend, and this is the predicament of a soul that languishes between a wish to be accepted and a bid to be rejected.
These are my concerns, the great ones, though not in doubt nor clouded with unbelief.-
Do you really feel as much as concerned as I do about your hesitations
Are you in any what sincerely committed to seeking a conviction,
Do you really know how much serious and committed to this cause I am
Have you ever considered a time=link with the burden of waiting and the weariness that is overclouding a soul.
Madam, my fear has never being in the consideration of having being in a pursuit for almost five good years, my fear has never being in a possibility of having an eventual NO from you and if I seem to have any fear of all I am afraid of, is of you and for you.
My fear is that- whether the way you have listen to me is the way you will listen to every man that will come your way!!!.
On a final note, I must say a very big thank you to you for taking out of your busy schedules to listen though interruptedly, to me on those several nasty sessions with you, I must also add here that you have proved to me that what is always left as a safe zone for a two in love is the friendship on which they have built the structure love, yes, the sustaining strand of our coming this far is the friendship that we have kept, and I will pray you to protect it for we will definitely need it to survive.
And until I am proved wrong!!!, I have a strong conviction of a love I have for you, I may seem very inpatient for the past five fumbling moons (years) and yet with such required patient I will stay till you can convincingly pronounce a NO without a stammering tongue. Or on the positive, have a celebrated YES from a heart that beats with such a melody…
The sun of the skies has orbited the earth and the moon of the skies has also seen the distant lands, the canoe of the heart has paddled the waters of lagoon and of all the returnings, I desire to come home to you!!!, home is where love is. The periwinkles greet you, the lobsters bring you a regard, the birds of the airs bring you a tiding, and from my heart a message, that IBIWUMI should know that a true love never dies…
This is another life experience and I pray it ends in sweetness as of the ending tasty-savor of the bitter leaves.
My resolute words.
That I will pitch a tent on these arid soils and wait for thy caravans to return through the desert ways, the fiery heat of the desert earths may burn my soles, but in contentment I will convert the smokes of the burns to a scent of a lovely-mix. The night though fast approaching with its attendant aura of fear and frightening will come and meet me at the city gates of your heart, waiting for a safe arrival of your wish- nay, convictions… What other vocation does my masquerade do, that could prevent an early morning show of dances, what can I otherwise do to occupy a space I evacuated for you.
Fire may be raging in the city center, the embodiment of waters may be submerging the village squares, dare, yes I will dare the threat they pose and in waiting for I have chosen to be immortalized in this way.
You may seek to know the exact fortune that has befallen me.
I am under a siege, I am captured, I seek no freedom, and I love not anymore the singular life I have lived. Let me for ever be in two, one of you and another of me, let my voice be heard in yours and let my evening colors not be any of the rainbowed skies, but let it be the exact colors of your lightened body, and together we will illuminate the darkness of the unfolding night.
There is a joy in accomplishment, yes, a real joy in sense of fulfillment. The morning-thrush glows on the topmost leaves of the tender trees and prides in the finishing of its nest made of the broom-sticks, yes it glows in the pride of accomplishment. The bush rat rides on its stubble-laid hole made for its household, yes, in a regal gait it rides on the royal reeds of accomplishment, for there is a joy in accomplishment.
So in joy we will ride on the wheel of love accomplished.
There is sweetness in the ending tastes of the bitter-leaves, yes, in the ending tasty savor of the bitter-leaves, there is an assurance beneath every sigh of doubt, yes a sure
assurance in the vagueness of the dispense of an unsure promise. But as upon delivery, a life is revealed to life, already cocooned in the last nine months and in happiness a life is received unto life.
So in sweetness shall end this chase of love and in end, our love shall be full of life.
The priest does not speak evil and no evil must be spoken of a priest, you are born of a priestly order you must not speak evil to love, agbedo, the priest does not speak evil and no evil must be spoken of a priest. I am of a priestly order too, I must not speak evil of ibiwumi. We are both priests evil must not be spoken of us. Therefore, the bush by the way-side be warned, the ears in the walls be warned, also be warned you friends and families, for evil must not be spoken of me.