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So you say you're gay,
and believe you were born
that way;

So I've learned to disagree
and I've decided that it suits me
to agree to disagree;

But a curse be upon my head
should I ever let our friendship
drop
down
dead.

------
"You have lied to me, my dear Morpheous, and I have ended our little game; I wonder if I fear the truth more than your lies?"
-TRA


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The following comments are for "Gay"
by The Recycled Avatar

Not sure
Recycled Avatar,

This poem was indeed interesting. I am trying to figure out what I think about it exactly. I find it kinda of telling about society and how some things are thought of...but at the end it seems almost sad even though it is about not letting the friendship die. Well I did enjoy reading it and after a bit I am sure I will have a more helpful opinion.

Later,
Dras

( Posted by: Drastine [Member] On: January 31, 2003 )

uoououou
weak, predictable end rhymes. line 5 is awkward, you could probably cut "decided". "agree to disagree" is cliche. " a curse be on my head" breaks the tone.
i see what you're trying to do with:
drop
down
dead
but it doesn't achieve the effect you're after. it drops the poem off prematurely and therefore doesn't emphasize a point.

( Posted by: phxom [Member] On: January 31, 2003 )

Phxom
Phxom, thank you for your comment on the last three "lines" of my poem. I wasn't sure if it was right for it when I wrote it down, and your comment has tipped the scales. Os for your other remarks, "decided" was inserted for proper rythm, "agree to disagree" was used to harness the connotations of the cliche in my adopted attitude towards homosexuality, and "a curse on my head" was meant to change the tone; before the third stanza, my friend and I were on a course for cessation of a good friendship. After the third stanza, it is obvious that that is no longer an issue.
Finally, I'd love to know how you knew my intentions in writing this poem; if I could learn the trick my life would be considerably easier.

( Posted by: The Recycled Avatar [Member] On: February 1, 2003 )

rec av
no need for the sarcasm. what i meant by the "effect you're after" is the punctuated falling sense that the last three short lines should give. they don't give this sense because they are separate from the rest of the tone and don't have enough buildup behind them for the fall to feel significant. Is this an incorrect interpretation?

i think that insertion for rhythm comprimises the content of your poem and rarely does the harnessing of the connotations of a cliche yield results as strong as saying what you want to say without the cliche.

i undestand the idea of changing the tone as the mentality of the speaker changes, but the tone you change to is not relevant to the idea expressed.
how does the new tone reflect the speaker's mentality?

( Posted by: phxom [Member] On: February 2, 2003 )

Hmm...
No sarcasm was intended, and I think you may be right in the other areas as well... Thanks.

( Posted by: The Recycled Avatar [Member] On: February 2, 2003 )

The Recycled Avatar
Perhaps I am not completely satisfied with phxom's response. "Decided" should, at most, be replaced with predetermined, if anything at all. Upon the phrase of "to agree to disagree," I don't much care for it. Cliches, on one hand, could be used effectively but often times burden what you are trying to say. In your case, "to agree to disagree," renders away from the flow of the piece. Concerning the rhymes scheme, I was hoping to hear if you intended to keep it alike throughout the poem or make it different? Structure deems to be worked on; I believe a third line, if probably a good one, should be given the light of day into the third stanza. The fourth one will consist of three lines of only one word:

drop
down
dead.

Perhaps the phrase, "Extinguish beyond my utter dread and..." This merely is an example, but you, of course, are the author and should work in what you see would fit in best.

Au revoir,

~The Count~

( Posted by: Count Edmond Fernand Mondego [Member] On: February 5, 2003 )

Agree to Disagree
I can see what you were trying to say as well. But I do agree that a couple lines could be finangled a wee-bit.I would love to know more in this poem though, more about the authors veiw. Also agree that
Drop
Down
Dead
SHOULD BE "DROP DOWN DEAD" (One line)
Otherwise it was a nice peice, thanks for the mind food.

( Posted by: johnb79 [Member] On: February 10, 2004 )

re penelope
Woops, small typo ;( It should be working going forward.

( Posted by: Chrispian [Admin] On: February 10, 2004 )

After careful Consideration
I now agree with what Penelope said, after re-reading this, I too agree that if you have to defend a friendship based on sexuality the friendship must not have much substance. If you intended to show how your friend was not different in your eyes after finding out he/she was gay then it was a poorly constructed poem. In the end the poem almost directly states that you disagree with homosexuality, and how some believe they are gay from birth...and you find this irrelevant? It's true and the sooner you realize that it is a possibility(homo being born homo) then the sooner this poem will work itself out, and your friendship might actually become a friendship.

( Posted by: johnb79 [Member] On: February 10, 2004 )





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