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NB: The first lyrics I've posted for a while, be gentle with me.

...

She mended and made do
Her heart, her mistakes
With a face like funeral
But a soul like a wake

In sure and certain hope she was
As she walked down to the docks
Stood on the shore, her faith before her
Like Madonna of the rocks.

How long must she suffer
She never did ask
When the devil came to temp her
She took him to task

In sure and certain hope she was
As she walked on to the quay
Knelt at the shore, her light behind her
Like the Star of The Sea.

Low down and beholden
Was down but not out
Low down and downtrodden
Then out for the count

In fear and trembling striates she was
As she stepped off the west pier
Fell through the night, her hope behind her
Like Madonna of the tears.


------
The human race, the only race I know where everybody loses.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Star of The Sea"
by AuldMiseryGuts

Haunting and Extremely Beautiful, Shannon....
This is gorgeous! This is a painting! Music is such a wonderful muse, the best muse of all..and this made me think of my grandmother for some reason, it made me think of her immediately. Strange, eh? Music and the poetic lyrics of music is such a personal thing...for another thing it made me think of was the "lady in the water" or "The Lady of Shallot". It is romantic and tragic and so very spiritual and soul filled this rhythm of words you have created. Thank you so much for this, Shannon.

Blessings!

( Posted by: TheRealKarmaTseringLhamo [Member] On: November 6, 2007 )

thank you!
Lena, thank you… I’m glad this didn’t come across to clumsily hackneyed. I haven’t written any lyrics since January and I’m feeling somewhat rusty… the inspiration for this comes from a ghost story I heard when I was kid… the beautiful wife of a cruel fisherman, who drowned herself one stormy night… her spirit is said to be seen sometimes singing, and smiling strangely… but I suppose it speaks of any woman whose soul becomes crushed by the weight of the world… I know a few. thank you for reading, t’is very much appreciated.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: November 6, 2007 )

star of the sea
not bad... dark and ominous. i could see you jamming to these lyrics on one of those old-ass pipe organs, in a room lit by dripping candles and torches on the stone walls. maybe throw in some slow and heavy guitar riffs here and there, which echo into infinity when she throws herself to the sea. The title of this reminded me of an album by the band Zwan, "Mary, Star of the Sea", although im not a big fan of the band. Billy Corgan should have just kept to the smashing pumpkins, and left it at that.

( Posted by: ghostpoisonsturgeon [Member] On: November 6, 2007 )

Star of the sea
I usually write everything as lyrics but never post them as such. Lyrics were the first things I wrote over 30 years ago. Still remember some of the words...

An image of a ship abandoned just off shore is what this makes me think of. Very sad in many ways but at the same time every rusty nail can tell you a story of its joyfull voyages.

Beautiful imagery in one of your briefer postings. Only thing I would change is the usage of the word Madonna because it has been tainted by that wannabe singer. I know what you mean in using it here (and it's effective) but the image of her writhing in a wedding gown popped into my head both times.

But that's just me. Still enjoyed it.

Did you write music for it?

( Posted by: desvelado [Member] On: November 6, 2007 )

smashing madonna
He-he-he… no old pipe organ, I’m afraid… but I have a stone floor in the kitchen at hom, which has done for me enough drunken evenings ;)… it always used to confuse me, "smashing pumpkins", did they mean it as in literally smashing some pumpkins, with a lump hammer or a judge's gavel or something or did they mean it like super, smashing great, as slang for "lovely"... I could never get past that really... but what's in a name? I'm obviously shallow... Billy Corgan can do what e’re he pleases, I honestly don’t care… anyway… thank you ghost

Francisco, I never saw what the big deal was about Madonna. Caroline gets all pissed off ‘cause she’s living in England now, pretending to be a cockney, which she isn’t… I say good luck to her, she’s fooling nobody… I saw something on TV recently where she cavorted about in a pink leotard… that was pretty disturbing… she’s not so much a person any more as a relentlessly marketed brand… not very endearing… but the blessed virgin was here first, she can change her damn name instead… she ain’t tinkerin’ wit ma art… ;)

Thanks both for your thoughtful readings and senses of humour… much appreciated.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: November 8, 2007 )

fantastic
This was as much a painting of words and imagery as is the referenced piece. Even before I reached the analogy to Madonna Of The Rocks, the image in my head was already a gray and under-saturated painting . Then with the added pointer it became a lucid set of oil works. I certainly hope that your muse included a tune of equal artistry to accompany this.

( Posted by: rancidsauce [Member] On: November 8, 2007 )

tuneless
thank you kindly, Rancid... my problem is translating the tune that the muses visited upon from my head and in to real life... I am hampered by my jack of all trades approach to music, which means I play a lot of instruments, badly ;)... I'm lucky enough to know some talented musicians, who will, if I whine long enough and loud enough, help me out. thanks again for stopping by here.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: November 9, 2007 )

Good ideas, but...
I think the flow is a little bumpy, the reading seems cramped in some areas. I know if it were sung as lyrics with music accompaniment the flow would work itself out, music tends to do that. So, as lyrics I'd say, yeah it is a good shot. I like the title, and the Madonna references, twice, that contrast the downtrodden and worn out imagery.

I really liked the first stanze best,

She mended and made do
Her heart, her mistakes
With a face like funeral
But a soul like a wake

Face like a funeral and soul like a wake made me laugh -- it is very creative a comparison -- the person, the character, and the situation.

Gimme a coupla ales and a guitar and we'll have this thing on billboard's hit list by last call.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: November 14, 2007 )

sorry, BW
and thank you so much for commenting... I know this wobbles when read, but it made sense when sung, sort of... now, hows about them ales? ;)

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: November 16, 2007 )





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