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I was trying to hear the song
on the radio. He’d turned it
down to hear himself talk.
I wasn’t listening to him. I never did.

He steered us around the misshapen
roads, while I admired the view.

We use to love Mother and
Father. We were in love once.
Mother nurtured our bond;
Father gave us faith.
We lost both on the road some
miles back.

Each winding corner tossed
us back and forth. The journey was long.
I was getting motion sickness.
He was getting tired.

He turned the radio up.
It was our song. I didn’t even
recognise it.

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The following comments are for "Journey"
by silverscent

are we nearly there yet?
Admire the poise of this one, but it didn’t have the metaphorical, metaphysical richness of some of your others… found it kind of barren, but maybe that’s the point… I think perhaps I’d prefer to see something more descriptive than narrative, but that’s just me… like I said, it has poise and its economy of image creates a kind of dramatic tension… maybe not my usual sort of thing, but a well put together poem for that.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: October 28, 2007 )

HI thanks. I just wanted to do something different with "Journey." I've been reading lost of narrative writes lately and wanted to try it for myself.

( Posted by: silverscent [Member] On: October 28, 2007 )

The character is with who ever you want them to be with. However, when I wrote it I meant Mother nature and God as Father, which is why I said 'nurture' and 'faith' on the following lines. I'm now thinking of changing it to "The Mother and the Father" if that would make more sense. It just signifies that things that used to matter when they were in love, like nature and religion has now become lost with the 'firsts.'
Thanks for the comment.

( Posted by: silverscent [Member] On: October 29, 2007 )

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