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Thus my shame is now open for all to marvel, to snicker, to taunt.

A form of masochism perhap, or rather, a punishment, a form of self-injury, for there's no pleasure in proclaiming this.

Yes, indeed,I failed my calculus final most literally, resulting in a terrible semester grade. A grade, that'll no doubt ruin what's left of my high-school career.

There, now, you know it. Laugh! Point! Poke at my bruised mind!

I hate math! Actually I don't, I hate tests! My mind freezes, it distorts, it "disremembers" especially where numbers are concerned. Murphy's Law applies too well to me overall.

"It's not your future..." Sure, that's what they say, why in the world did he make it impossible then! He DOES hold our futures, and my future above all...

You have to understand, I have nothing..nothing at all, iterally. I have to get into a good college, I have to get good grades, it's not my fault surely, surely they would not be so cruel..

The xenocrates says soul, body, and mind constitute the self, truly then, my soul and spirit are relentless yet my body does not obey..I cannot though I try.

And then I see those around me who breezes through it all with ease. How bitter can I get, supremely so..

How is it that one who does not recognize the word "gossamer", who cannot distinguish "half-breeds" from "halflings" among myriad other ridiculous notions is counted better, superior than I? What a great puzzlement!

I should rant against the education system, I should, but I won't because people has already argued long and hard over it resulting in a fist of pure air..

However, my reality is not air, it's stone, solid stone of reinforced concrete that I kill myself on. Long and hard I studied, nothing else, and yet it still happen that I break myself over the stones.

Bloody then, is my visage and person, the scratches and broken bones will never heal..I die, in the metaphysical sense..and sometimes I hope, in the physical sense as well...

Childish! You call this childish! Do you not know that I have nothing...what do you have that you could bear losing without bitterness knowing..knowing..that only if you were someone else, all things, all worries would never come to be...

------
The conscious shape reality.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Reason for a Long Bitterness"
by Furius

Rant
I feel your pain. Math never was my strong point either. But I must say that where I failed in mathmatical solutions, I more than made up for in the creativity dept., a trade-off I'm glad my brain took.

You have one slight typo here- I should, but I won't because people HAS already argued long and hard over...

I think you meant HAVE.

( Posted by: JM Heluk [Member] On: January 27, 2003 )

Mathematical madness
I feel your pain in a different way; math is easy for me, but English and things like it are a mystery to me. It is always a trade in the human mind. Don't sweat college too much if your english grades are good.
About the rant: I loved it. By overrepresenting the seriousness of the issue you create a good aura of humor. Outside of the one typo above, I really think that it's irreprochable. 9 of 10

( Posted by: The Recycled Avatar [Member] On: February 1, 2003 )

Hyperbole and Blindness
I recognize you feel that the educational system is a joke, or at least that's the vibe I got, but I honestly can't understand people who don't devote themselves to school. I actually get flustered by people who don't study. Some of my friends are really smart, don't study, and get all A's. Most of my friends don't study, and get C's and D's. And a few of my friends aren't smart, but study so much and whine about school enough that they get A's. I hate the people who study for no reason, though I admit to doing it myself when necessary, I just really hate the people who don't study. Period. The safe haven college for all flunkers and delinquents in my lil corner of NY is OCC - Onondaga Community College. A bunch of my older friends have managed to flunk out of THIS - a school so easy I could do it typing papers with extremities never intended to do such a thing. I just can't understand it - a good college education isn't ABSOLUTELY essential to making fat cash later on, but it helps. A lot. Plus, you know stuff. Which is good. Ack.

( Posted by: Washer [Member] On: July 19, 2003 )





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