Thus my shame is now open for all to marvel, to snicker, to taunt.
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A form of masochism perhap, or rather, a punishment, a form of self-injury, for there's no pleasure in proclaiming this.
Yes, indeed,I failed my calculus final most literally, resulting in a terrible semester grade. A grade, that'll no doubt ruin what's left of my high-school career.
There, now, you know it. Laugh! Point! Poke at my bruised mind!
I hate math! Actually I don't, I hate tests! My mind freezes, it distorts, it "disremembers" especially where numbers are concerned. Murphy's Law applies too well to me overall.
"It's not your future..." Sure, that's what they say, why in the world did he make it impossible then! He DOES hold our futures, and my future above all...
You have to understand, I have nothing..nothing at all, iterally. I have to get into a good college, I have to get good grades, it's not my fault surely, surely they would not be so cruel..
The xenocrates says soul, body, and mind constitute the self, truly then, my soul and spirit are relentless yet my body does not obey..I cannot though I try.
And then I see those around me who breezes through it all with ease. How bitter can I get, supremely so..
How is it that one who does not recognize the word "gossamer", who cannot distinguish "half-breeds" from "halflings" among myriad other ridiculous notions is counted better, superior than I? What a great puzzlement!
I should rant against the education system, I should, but I won't because people has already argued long and hard over it resulting in a fist of pure air..
However, my reality is not air, it's stone, solid stone of reinforced concrete that I kill myself on. Long and hard I studied, nothing else, and yet it still happen that I break myself over the stones.
Bloody then, is my visage and person, the scratches and broken bones will never heal..I die, in the metaphysical sense..and sometimes I hope, in the physical sense as well...
Childish! You call this childish! Do you not know that I have nothing...what do you have that you could bear losing without bitterness knowing..knowing..that only if you were someone else, all things, all worries would never come to be...
The conscious shape reality.