my vibrant banner (edit)
by schindees (Member) - published: October 12, 2007
Word Count: 181 Word Bytes: 1182 Viewed: 589 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by schindees

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My Vibrant Banner

Pressed in by the silence.
my heart confuse dazed by the violence,
for the every time I see the sky
it looks alive with you.
My vibrant banner,
a shield and sword an army of itself.
Like sunrise at midnight.
It allows me to see,
like the pied piper.
I lead this army this army of nobody.
I alone stand under this flag,
fitfully in the breeze it stands.
a swagger ,swagger
to, and fro.
Here I stand to the marching band.
I’m all alone its in my head.
I guess to say that I am dead.
But was I to live in the first place?
Decadence, and destruction.
You are disruption. To grab my attention,
from this Furious Pendulum.
Swinging me back from here,
to be murdered in there.
All in my mind all in good time.
My vibrant banner.
This violent manner.
Like a deadly cancer you spread
I do believe that this is dead .
Painted blood red
like roses,
and a pocket full of posies.
Ashes, ashes
we all fall down.
Got that?

------
i am a misuderstood lunatic

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Comments

The following comments are for "my vibrant banner (edit)"
by schindees

A swagger, a swagger..
I think this is a really good start, but it could use some line breaks at the very least.

Pressed in by the silence.
my heart confuse dazed by the violence,
for the every time I see the sky
it looks alive with you.

My vibrant banner,
a shield and sword an army of itself.
Like sunrise at midnight.
It allows me to see,
like the pied piper.

I lead this army this army of nobody.
I alone stand under this flag,
fitfully in the breeze it stands.
a swagger ,swagger
to, and fro.

Here I stand to the marching band.
I’m all alone its in my head.
I guess to say that I am dead.
But was I to live in the first place?

Decadence, and destruction.
You are disruption. To grab my attention,
from this Furious Pendulum.
Swinging me back from here,
to be murdered in there.

All in my mind all in good time.
My vibrant banner.
This violent manner.
Like a deadly cancer you spread
I do believe that this is dead .

Painted blood red
like roses,
and a pocket full of posies.
Ashes, ashes
we all fall down.
Got that?

Yep, I do. And it reads much easier to me broken up like that - gives my poor eyes a much-needed rest and allows me to absorb your words stanza by stanza, instead of rushing through it the way the original format tricks my mind into wanting to do.

There were some fantastic images in this.

"Decadence, and destruction.
You are disruption. To grab my attention,
from this Furious Pendulum.
Swinging me back from here,
to be murdered in there."

As well as (my personal favorite) "This vibrant banner/This violent manner"

Thanks for posting!

( Posted by: chinadoll [Member] On: October 14, 2007 )

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