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10ilgaar

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I look like a man, but that's not what I see
a minus, a partial, a hole inside of me

it keeps me a part, withdrawn at best
I wish I was more, complete like the rest

But somethings missing, somethings not there
makes me less of a man, i think everyone stares

they see this too and wonder why
I'm less of a man, I feel I could cry....


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The following comments are for "Less of me.."
by Myndraker

Less of a man
It makes me want to cry, too.

Maybe I'm just weepy today.

I loathe writing poetry that rhymes because it doesn't come naturally to me. When the need to rhyme comes over me, more often than not I'm digging out the rhyming dictionary I used in like, 9th grade, and blowing the dust off of it.

This, however, rhymes well and with a bit of a sing-song cadence to it that belies the disharmonious message.

Is there a reason you chose 'a part' instead of 'apart'? I only ask because in my head, reading 'a part' makes me jump to a conclusion that while you feel separated from the whole, you are still a part of it or at least of something, whereas 'apart' makes the separation complete.

Thanks for posting.

( Posted by: chinadoll [Member] On: October 2, 2007 )

Thanks
I chose "A Part" because yes, although I feel seperated, almost dis jointed or an outsider looking in, I still KNOW that It is my life... To my dismay. Thanks for reading, few have ever commented. I don't look for that, I write to get things off my chest, but when a comment does come in... well Thanks...

( Posted by: Myndraker [Member] On: October 4, 2007 )





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