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The deed
drips from my fingers
like a greenhouse mist
congeals, before slipping
from the velvety fingers
of a rose

and calls
one final time,

"Pavement,
we come, we come."

-jonathon shank


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The following comments are for "The Murdering Kind"
by huntingjonathon

dripping deeds
wow! those first three lines are stellar, really vivid, visceral stuff... might be tempted to change "before slipping" to "before it slips", to create more of a half-rhyme to "mist" and also to lose those second set of fingers, to maybe fists? or hands? something less languorous and with more heft... but that's just personal taste... liked the eeriness and intensity of this... striking stuff.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: September 24, 2007 )





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